It's only Tuesday, yet it feels like it should be the end of the week. Not just wishful thinking, but seriously I think this week should be over and the weekend should be here. I have been working my butt off actually at work and I am ready for a break. I have some things I'd like to do at home, but can't because I am at work. Anyways, so onto other things.
So I got a few funny things in my email today that I'd like to share since I don't have a lot to talk about! Enjoy!
A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! .
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
The lady can't take this any more, "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig," she retorted indignantly. "In this country we don't speak aloud in Public places about our sex lives."
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin'abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell ' Mississippi '."
$5.00 says you're gonna read this again!
Muahh haa haa haa haa....
And Last but not least, I will leave ya'll with the
SCARY MOVIE SURVIVAL GUIDE
When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house move away immediately
Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke
Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out
If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.
When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it alone.
As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead
If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find that it's just the cat, LEAVE THE ROOM IMMEDIATELY IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE.
If appliances start operating themselves, MOVE OUT
do not take ANYTHING from the dead
If you find a town chich looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away!
Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing
If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you're a female. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you
If your companions suddenly exibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible
Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help
Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.
