Am I?
"I am alone. Alone here and alone in the world. Alone in my heart and alone in my mind. Alone everywhere, all the time, for as long as I can remember. Alone with my Family, alone with my friends, alone in a Room full of People. Alone when I wake, alone through each awful day, alone when I finally meet the blackness. I am alone in my horror. Alone in my horror.
I don't want to be alone. I have never wanted to be alone. I fucking hate it. I hate that I have no one to talk to , I hate that I have no one to call, I hate that I have no one to hold my hand, hug me, tell me everything is going to be all right. I hate that I have no one to share my hopes and my dreams with, I hate that I no longer have any hopes or dreams, I hate that I have no one to tell me to hold on, that I can find them again..." (Frey, p. 73)
This is how I felt yesterday. I was severely depressed yesterday, I left at 11:45 from work for the day because I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. I cried at least 3 different times at work, there was no way I was going to be productive if I stayed. I couldn't even talk to my boss and ask if I could go home for the day without balling my eyes out. Then I get home and my boyfriend keeps asking "Do you want to talk about it". I didn't even know what the hell was wrong with me in the first place, how the hell am I gonna talk about it. He didn't understand that. Grrr...how annoying.
Anyways, so we watched Hostel....ewwwww...yucky and twisted. At first we were wondering if it was a porno movie or a horror movie...then I remembered it was written by Quentin Tarantino and well, let's just say "Dusk til Dawn" was the same way...lots of T&A then blood and guts. SHelly, I know what you mean by "eyeball" for sure....man that poor thing. That movie was so disturbed. And I really wanted to backpack in Europe one day, maybe not...ewww...
So that is really all I have to say right now, I guess I could do some bitching about work, but I won't so I will just get back to it. Hope ya'll are having a wonderful day!
quentin tarantino, in my opinion, is fantasitc. most people dont like him, though, because of the way he writes. The eyeball nearly made me puke. Ugh. it was awful!
I hope that your day is a lot better. :)
love you my lil bronco girl!
Shel
btw: I love Frey. Like I said, check out \"the Glass castle\" by jeannette walls. You\'ll like it if you liked Frey\'s.
we have to put up with, we get down & depressed sometimes. It\'s so that
after all is said & done, we can carry on & put up with even more. ;-)
Love ya darlin\'. Talk to you soon...
Love & Friendship,
~Teri~ xoxoxoxoxo