Weblog of mark

 

what's the difference between a sex addict and a man with a normal sex drive?   if we compare sex addiction (about which we don"t know) and drug addiction (about which we think we know) maybe we can figure this out.  people talk about gateway drugs when they talk about the beginning of drug addiction.  in sexual addiction the gateway would be first realization of one"s sexual nature.  cigarettes have been labeled a gateway because they are a deliverysystem that one has to "learn" to use, then it can be used for other substances.  we think of an addict as someone who "has to have" something in other words he is defined by his disease.  a normal man feels this way due to his sex drive about sexual release.  therefore there is the confusion about sex addiction, since the "has to have it" that defines a substance addiction is present, but relating to a natural need.  when does this need become an addiction?  when it becomes a "problem".  that has long been the defining standard for alcoholism and emotional/mental abnormalities.  that means everyone's wife has labeled him a sex addict at one time or another.

About a month ago pres.bush was in china and gave a speech.  afterwards he went to leave the room through some ornate double doors but both were locked.  this scene was shown on a few blooper shows and some news programs.  i saw a replay recently and noticed something  that bothered me.  after he realizes both doors are locked, he immediately drops his hands to his sides and faces the cameras with no expression on his face.  i thought "look how thoroughly he has been trained to give no ammunition to the press in his actions"  the only pictures that the outside world would see are the video ones and they are fleeting.  actually he didn't do anything to be embarassed of, it could have happened to anyone.  a charismatic person would have had some fun with the situation.  he might act trapped and pretend to be panicked, he might have said something to the press like "anymore questions?"  but pres. bush doesn't feel free to act, because he is so kept under control of his handlers.  i think rumsfeld would have had a quip,  cheney would have grumbled an oath or two at the stubborn doors.  but it is revealing that bush simply did nothing after the "failure".

When i was a teenager, that's a bad sounding start for a blog, i was convinced that my parents were the best in the world.  They had treated me and my sibs fairly and kindly and to my way of thinking done so with wisdom.  Some years later it dawned on me that what i had experienced as a child i was so close to i couldn't really form an objective opinion about.  It turns out that compared to the upbringing i might have had i was blessed.  But there were issues that made me who i was and am that i still grapple with.  For instance, i always felt there was something different about me that everyone could see or somehow detect which made me inferior to others.  As the oldest child in my family it was always my duty to give way to the younger children because i was oldest and "ought to understand".  Also i am hot tempered by nature and my father believed teasing ws the way to convince me to stop throwing a fit, with the result being much greater anger from me.   As the oldest i was held to a high standard when it came to conflict with my brothers.  They might strike me or offend me and i was allowed to plead my case before a parent but if i struck back it was almost an automatic failure on my part, unless my brother had been blatantly in the wrong.  To this day i have a hard time expressing anger and usually don't say what i'm thinking even when i am wronged seriously.  The older, ought to understand role is what i fall into.  There are many other facets to me that i could painstakingly limn-out, but only one more that i care to talk about.  People who are my friends or even closer, i expect to abandon me.  So i don't form as close friendships as i see others have.For all the things i've listed it might seem i am bitter or resentful about the job my parents did, but actually i realize things could be much much much worse.  Some of my traits have served well in life, even if they were also painful to possess.  Finally my parents like me and everyone else are human and made some mistakes, they thought they were doing the best for me when they brought me up.  Now i watch my kids as they are leaving home and starting careers etc. and i wonder what they think of the job my wife and i did.