Weblog of mark

 

what's the difference between a sex addict and a man with a normal sex drive?   if we compare sex addiction (about which we don"t know) and drug addiction (about which we think we know) maybe we can figure this out.  people talk about gateway drugs when they talk about the beginning of drug addiction.  in sexual addiction the gateway would be first realization of one"s sexual nature.  cigarettes have been labeled a gateway because they are a deliverysystem that one has to "learn" to use, then it can be used for other substances.  we think of an addict as someone who "has to have" something in other words he is defined by his disease.  a normal man feels this way due to his sex drive about sexual release.  therefore there is the confusion about sex addiction, since the "has to have it" that defines a substance addiction is present, but relating to a natural need.  when does this need become an addiction?  when it becomes a "problem".  that has long been the defining standard for alcoholism and emotional/mental abnormalities.  that means everyone's wife has labeled him a sex addict at one time or another.

About a month ago pres.bush was in china and gave a speech.  afterwards he went to leave the room through some ornate double doors but both were locked.  this scene was shown on a few blooper shows and some news programs.  i saw a replay recently and noticed something  that bothered me.  after he realizes both doors are locked, he immediately drops his hands to his sides and faces the cameras with no expression on his face.  i thought "look how thoroughly he has been trained to give no ammunition to the press in his actions"  the only pictures that the outside world would see are the video ones and they are fleeting.  actually he didn't do anything to be embarassed of, it could have happened to anyone.  a charismatic person would have had some fun with the situation.  he might act trapped and pretend to be panicked, he might have said something to the press like "anymore questions?"  but pres. bush doesn't feel free to act, because he is so kept under control of his handlers.  i think rumsfeld would have had a quip,  cheney would have grumbled an oath or two at the stubborn doors.  but it is revealing that bush simply did nothing after the "failure".

When i was a teenager, that's a bad sounding start for a blog, i was convinced that my parents were the best in the world.  They had treated me and my sibs fairly and kindly and to my way of thinking done so with wisdom.  Some years later it dawned on me that what i had experienced as a child i was so close to i couldn't really form an objective opinion about.  It turns out that compared to the upbringing i might have had i was blessed.  But there were issues that made me who i was and am that i still grapple with.  For instance, i always felt there was something different about me that everyone could see or somehow detect which made me inferior to others.  As the oldest child in my family it was always my duty to give way to the younger children because i was oldest and "ought to understand".  Also i am hot tempered by nature and my father believed teasing ws the way to convince me to stop throwing a fit, with the result being much greater anger from me.   As the oldest i was held to a high standard when it came to conflict with my brothers.  They might strike me or offend me and i was allowed to plead my case before a parent but if i struck back it was almost an automatic failure on my part, unless my brother had been blatantly in the wrong.  To this day i have a hard time expressing anger and usually don't say what i'm thinking even when i am wronged seriously.  The older, ought to understand role is what i fall into.  There are many other facets to me that i could painstakingly limn-out, but only one more that i care to talk about.  People who are my friends or even closer, i expect to abandon me.  So i don't form as close friendships as i see others have.For all the things i've listed it might seem i am bitter or resentful about the job my parents did, but actually i realize things could be much much much worse.  Some of my traits have served well in life, even if they were also painful to possess.  Finally my parents like me and everyone else are human and made some mistakes, they thought they were doing the best for me when they brought me up.  Now i watch my kids as they are leaving home and starting careers etc. and i wonder what they think of the job my wife and i did.

this past week my daughter told me a friend of hers was at a funeral where protesters had signs saying things like they were glad a soldier had died.  this was horrible enough to contemplate, what this family greiving for their loss felt, then to add a public protest so cold and evil i didn't think it could be true.  then my daughter said the protest was put on by anti war left wingers.  that made no sense at all to me, and led me to look up the subject online. guess what? the protests were done by some ultra-right christians who see the deaths our armed forces are suffering as God's judgement on our evil society.  the main crime we have committed in their eyes is allowing homosexuals to be in the military and in other areas of our society.  as if it were possible to just make gays go away or something.  from what i've seen in my 49 years, most likely these people are homosexuals who hate themselves for their identity and lash out cruelly for that reason.  isaw a picture of one of the protesters and that confirmed my suspicions further.  messed up as these people are  it is more than one could hope for them to quit hurting families in this way, and they can only count on God's forgiveness for their sins.  but what is most unforgiveable to me, has to do with the way i learned of this hateful practice.  my daughter's friend let slip later that she hadn't really been at that funeral but had learned of the protest from a conservative talk show host.  this person had the ability and opportunity to know the true sponsors of the protests, and in fact did touch on that somewhat, but in the end he chose to explain this to his viewers as a left-wing movement.  this is especially galling to me because the right-wing of american politics has been almost the sole causer of violence, blunders and offense in recent years and yet continue to play the victim.  they play victim to "the liberal media's bias" they play victim to the world's response to their idiocy and blundering with their "why do they hate us" posing.  and they play victim to history always having to correct the facts to look like they were right.  will somebody just PLEASE point out the obvious to these weasels.  THEY have screwed up in iraq, THEY have encouraged hate and ignorance THEY have lied their way into war and THEY should be turned out of office for all these reasons and more.

In my city today a mentally deranged woman highjacked a delivery truck and made the driver take her to an affluent suburb.  The driver was released unharmed,  then she began wandering the streets of this community brandishing a knife and rifle.  In short order the police arrived andtasered her but her coat was too thick to penetrate. She pointed the rifle at an officer another policeman fired several times and killed her, the only other reported damage was a bullet hole in one of the fine homes there.  I ask the police who were there, did you even consider another option?  might there have been a way to save the disturbed woman and protect the community?  I am afraid a state of fear is so pervasive in the minds of people that they accept anything as a threat and anything as a good end if the possible threat is stopped.  Wasn't the woman a person with value and the right to protection from the police?  If she was not in her right mind she was acting in a way for which she can not be held responsible, and yet she paid the price.  I wish someone in the police department in a leadership role would have the courage to try to save the woman from herself.  A bullet in the shoulder a rush of several officers and the woman could have been disarmed and given medical treatment.  Were the policemen afraid to risk that?  Then they have no right to accept the hero title so often attached to them.  I'm not a policeman and i don't know if i would have been brave enough to rush a crazed person with a .22 caliber rifle, but i do know that woman deserved far better than she got, and anyone who thinks the police were heroic in this action is a shibboleth, mouthing empty platitudes to calm his fears.