" On Lifes terms"

Mood: day dreamin
Listening to: news

                                                         October 26,05

                    It's almost Halloween!  I know it's a kids holiday, somewhat. But I just love seeing all the creative costumes, you know the ones like we used to put together when we were young. We certainly did'nt go out and buy ours, we created them from all the different things we could find in the garage, mom and dads closets, the basement boxes of old clothes, crafts, and misc. junk. That was the funnest part. Atleast I always thought so! My son is 9 and wants to be a navy seal  special forces guy, and you know how hard it is to find something like that especially for a husky size kid. They just don't make enough husky sizes for all the husky kids in todays society. One would think that there would be more stores  or more designers because it seems like it would be a huge  money market. I wouldn't mind doing something myself but but drawing clothing is not a talent that I have. Now my brother is an excellant artist, singer, fashion model, he got all the brains and the talent. He is considered a guiness, and he has had many a professions. Ok back to the subject I was on, so I have had no luck finding any costume for my son and have resorted to putting one together myself, which has brought back memories.

    So the world is  so messes up right now, isn't it hard to beleive that so many people in this huge world dislike americans? I find it hard to believe that we are such the bad country when everyone ;looks to us for help and if we don't act fast enough, well there is much to say about that. I know our country isn't perfect but the people of the Untied States are good people for the most part. We don't all beleive in what the government does, and we do not all not care  about global warming. I read another blog on here about the Americans and I gotta tell ya, I was pretty affended by the things being said about Americans.!!!!!!!!!!! Well I won't say any more on that subject as to not start controversy. I'm just merely pointing out that not ALL Americans are bad people. And that every country ( I'm sure has it's, quote- bad seeds), just as we do and that not everyone should be put down just because of where we were born and raised and we did not have a choice in that matter.

     So amy ways my life is boring as usual not a whole lot happens here, My daughter just went to her first homecoming dance, and she just looked absolutely gorgeous, Her dress was so pretty and all her accessories matched perfectly. I picked them all out. It was so fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

       My thoughts are pretty much in fantasy land these days, I keep praying to win  Publishers Clearing House. Hey it could happen, maybe one in three millions of a chance, but ya never know. I live in a dream world anyways so why not go for broke. I would be very grateful to win, I would definately give some  to charity, and set up college funds for both my kids and my family would get some and all I want is a house and a car. And the rest I would invest or sock away in the bank to earn interest. I can say I would really have to put myself on a tough budget and not go hog wild in spending, it would be hard but I would make myself and learn to  discipline myself so that the money wouldn't all be gone without having nothing to show for it.

   Ok  enough of my day dreaming, it never hurts to wish, and on that note I'll say good night!!

                                                     libran35

Mood: all my own
Listening to: metalica/mixed albums/radio

               

          Well, is a very deep subject but the subject on my mind today is family! In todays day it seems that , thats all the word family is, is just a word. There are so many disfuntional families that it seems to not bother anyone when there are no family reunions or family gatherings or just family anything! Does anyone else feel like this? Or Am I the only one. It's  crazy to think  that our children don't even know all their reletives or family history. I don't know all of mine but lately it has been on my mind to just know some of my background history. Like where did my ancestors come from. What kind of people were they? Farmers, merchants, it would be interesting to find these things out. I know a few things about my family but the other questions are still there. I seem to have distorted my childhood in my head. Not knowing that I had all my fact wrong, it's just that I had heard so much talking that I just figured that all the states and cities that were mentioned I had lived there too. Little  to me I wasn't. So growing up I always told my freinds that I had traveled the United States and even Germany. Which Germany was one of the places I had been but alot of the States In the U.S  I hadn't even been born yet. So To find out this knowledge it sort of took away the excitement I had built in my own mind. And the timing was way off. I had so much to put into perspective and still to this day It baffles me that I dont' remember anything. There are certain things I remember and alot of it I don't. Why is that? I haven't figured it out yet but I am in the process of trying to figure that out.

      Moving on , today is October 9 and my birthday is in 8 days, the big "36"! I feel so old.  I also feel like my life has been flying by for the last few years. It's like if I blink the year is gone and all that while nothing  great has happened in my life. Is that how it is when you get older is this the way it's supposed to be? God I hope not!!!!!!!! The  outside world is passing  by without even a hint of my existence. But I know what is important to me now and hopefully all that will change. I will keep it posted on here as to what is happening but right now this is my only refuge, this space on my blogigo.     I vent here and tell strangers what has or hasn't  happened in my life and just things that are on my mind at that specific moment. It's not like I have to follow protocol or a schedule , it's nice to just write and not feel any pressure about what I have to write. Ya know? I haven't told anyone I know about it nor have I let them see anything I've written on here. It's  my secret venting space. It has actually become my safe haven and helped me deal with alot of issues. When you write things down and then go over them later it gives you personal insight. I think in many ways I've even seen my faults and have tried to deal with old demons and figure out my futre. And for me, I'm a procrastinator< so this is a big , huge step in a new direction for me.  It's unbelievable what I can put off and how it affects my life and not always for the good, mostly just causes more strife than anything. I have always in the past been a strong women and the past 5 years I've been with someone and I know he has changed my life. And not all in a good way!  We've been through hella shit and I think we both know that the end is very near. And to tell ya the truth I'm scared as hell to join the elite singles group again. I'm not strong enough yet to be out there. I've been at home and just basically kept to myself and I've missed so much and feel out of the loop. I am going to be starting out at the bottom again, and this time it will alot harder than the first , atleast then I had a job and a car, and now I don't have either. My Jeep I fully owned was stolen and wrecked, killing the sixteen boy who was driving, TOTALED my jeep. And then when I went to the junkyard to retrieve what was in my car they wouldn't let me take my stereo or speakers  or spare tire because they were attached to the vehicle. And what really sucks is that my stereo was only five months old. Oh I was so mad. And needless to say I had no insurance. I had been layed off and we were using my boyfreinds truck to get around. My jeep was always locked up and sat out in our parking lot. Young teens these days have no realization of what damage they are doing to those they steal from. Leaving me with no alternative and no way to get back what was mine and not for their taking to begin with! It was very painful to learn of the kids death and I truly felt for his family but also struggled with the the mere thought that he stole my only transportation that I had. Yah my boyfreind had his truck, but the jeep was mine. It was my baby. I loved that jeep,, ok enough obsessing about it, it's over and long done with.

       So I hope everyone is doing well and I prey for the world to become a better place for EVERYONE to live!!!!! I also prey for the earthquake victims and all the people form both hurricanes, may they all find happiness in the future!!!!!!!!! I truly belive if we all would just help each other and get rid of all hatred that we could overcome all evil in this world. The bad guys will be overthrown and the good of all men will triumph over all the evil men. I'm hoping!!!!!!!!!!!!

  Ok well it's late  or early, whichever way you look at it. talk to ya later

                                             libran35

 

Mood: at peace
Listening to: T.V

               

          It seems just like yesterday that I wrote an entry, but really it was quite  awhile ago. My computer took a crash and we seem to have lost everything. We were running windows xp and now we have to use windows 98, what a difference it is and so slow!

              So how is everybody doing, me well I'm ok right now, I took my daughjter to go get her homecoming dress ans all the accesseries, did I spell that right? Oh well neways we had a good day and believe it or not she actually liked all the stuff I picked out. Isnt that amazing? She usually thinks we have different tastes in clothing and jewelry , but she found out today that we are alot more alike than she thought. Which I feel great about, it makes the distance between us seem like none.

It is so difficult to relate to teens these days, they are in a world all their own. Us parents seem to be the enemy for some reason. We are not all bad, we do understand more than they give us credit for. And it seems so trivial to put so much emphasis on the  mere fact that the times are different when really the year might be different but the same old shit happens to every teen no matter what day and age it is. Wouldn't you agree?  My daughter and her freinds have these arguments about the  most stupid things and I tell give her my opinion about it and tell her my experiences and basically she ignore my advice , later to find that what I had told her is exactly what happened and what the outcome would be. She then will tell me that I was right but then the next time it happens we go through the same process. Its funny how we do it but I'm so glad she comes to me at all. In this day we have to be very aware of what our children are doing and who they are doing it with. It 's hard sometimes and we don't always have the upper hand, but atleast we try.

       Well I  guess it's about dinner time and my duty is calling, again!

                                                                    libran35