The shadow of Kumori

i dont know what to do. in the end, i think i should just turn myself into a nothingless. break my will, break my soul, break my mind.

people think this is a weak way out. but you're wrong. if you break yourself down, no one has any use for you. they will wonder why you turned into a machine, into nothing, into a useless being that follows orders.

but the spirit within me is too strong to be broken. no matter how hard i try, i fight.

i tell myself that i am weak, that in the end, if i was to face judgement for my beliefs that i would back down and i would give in. i tell myself i am worthless, that i have no use.

i want to be weak, i want to be useless, then i would be truely powerful.

you dont become strong by waht ur born with. you become strong by what life throws at you. at how many times you fix yourself, and in the end, the true end, what you choose to you.

i'm so sick of acting like this. i make myself submit to serve others while my own mind races at my own stupidity, at my own cowardice. i dont care right now, yet i know the moment i wake up tomorrow i am going to care what others think, how i should act, how i should lie.

i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care!!!! i dont care about anything right now!!!! i dont care if my friends all think poorly of me or if they value my opinion. I DONT CARE!!!!

you know what, i need to be honest about myself. half the things i do and say is to look cool, to look differnet. well now, i just dont give a damn if i look cool or not. i know tomorrow i will be stuck with the same thoughts i had this morning, and i dont want that. i want to follow my fantasies into another world. but i know its not real.

i feel so trapted in this world. i wish i could talk to others about whats on my mind. i wish that i could just talk to someone, or i dont even have to talk. just being around someone or something, most likely a cat, would make me feel better than i do now.

i wish i could ask someone what goes on in their head. to make sure i'm not the only one who thinks up these worlds of mine, that i'm not the only one who wants to be...i dont know.

i guess i;m just confused

" I have no doubt what will happen. I know that you will win, and I know that I can do nothing to stop you. But remember this- someone will defeat you. In my death there will come forth the strongest of us all. Mark my words, she will defeat you and heal the wounds you have inflicted to us all."
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i woke up with a start. That dream...I havent had that dream since I was a teenager. Why was I having it again?

i climbed out of bed and went into my kitchen. i poured myself a glass of water and thought to myself. i cloed my eyes and tried to remember what just happened.

There was a woman, she was dressed in flowing dark clothes. She had markings on her face and on her arms. She spoke to someone behind her, and then she jumped. She was on top of a building and she then jumped off!

i rubbed my face with my hand. having that dream again reminded me of what happened when i had it as a teenager.

when i was a teenager, i kept on dreaming of what happened. i felt like that it was calling me for some reason. i was...a bit of a dreamer back then. the last night i dremt of it was when everyone nearly died.  after that...well you could say i had more things on my mind then that dream.

i grew up. why was this happening again. i sighed to myself and looked at the clock. my eyes widened and i gasped. how did 2 hours pass just by thinking of the past?

Oh no! Work!!!