Opinions,thoughts and ideas(some nuts)

Mood: tired
Listening to: radio

TOP 10 REASONS WHY CANADA DID NOT JOIN THE USA IN THE WAR ON IRAQ:
10. We have no way of getting there.
9. We're too busy at home with the maple syrup season.
8. Iraqis don't drink Labatt's or Molson's beer.
7. Saddam's name pronounced backwards is "Mad Ass". We'll stay away   from that one!!
6. There is very limited potential for sales of Canadian back  bacon in Iraq after the war.
5. Our one Sea King helicopter was damaged and needs repairs.
4. Celine Dion cannot sing to the troops because she has a  contract in Las Vegas.
3. The rivers in Iraq are too shallow for our war canoes.
2. Our army is needed at home in case of another snow storm in  Toronto.
And the Number 1 Reason Why Canada Will Not Join the USA in the War on Iraq...............................

1. HELLO!!!!!!! THE FUCKING HOCKEY PLAYOFFS HAVE JUST STARTED!!!!

WHAT CANADIANS HAVE TO BE PROUD OF

 1. Smarties
 2. Crispy Crunch ; Coffee Crisp
 3. The size of our footballs fields and one less down
 4. Baseball is Canadian
  5. Lacrosse is Canadian
 6. Hockey is Canadian
 7. Basketball is Canadian
 8. Apple pie is Canadian
 9. Mr. Dress-up kicks Mr. Rogers ass
 10. Tim Hortons kicks Dunkin' Donuts ass
 11. In the war of 1812, started by America, Canadians pushed the
 Americans back...past their 'White House'. Then we burned it... and most of
 Washington, under the command of William Lyon McKenzie who was insane
 and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away, so we came
 home and partied ... Go figure...
 12. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to
 Germany.
 13. We have the largest English population that never ever surrendered
 or withdrew during any war to anyone, anywhere.
 14. Our civil war was a bar fight that lasted a little over an hour.
 15. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American
 mercenary, who slept in and missed the whole thing...but showed up just
 in time to get caught.
 16. We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on.
  17. The Hudsons Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's surface
 and is still around as the worlds oldest company.
 18. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in
 under 3 minutes.
 19. We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.
 20. We don't marry our kin-folk.
 21. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, insulin,
 penicillin, zambonis, the telephone and short wave radios that save countless lives
 each year.
 22. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell
 about it.
 
 BUT MOST IMPORTANT!
 
 23. The handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with
 mitts on. OOOOoohhhhh Canada!!
 
 Oh yeah... and our elections only take one day.
 
 Pass this on if you are proud to be canadian!!! GO CANADA!!!

Mood: happy
Listening to: tv

  A Canadian man was having coffee and croissants with butter and

 jam in a

 Tim Horton's, when an American man, chewing gum, sat down next to

  him.

  The Canadian man ignored the American, who, nevertheless started

 up a  conversation. The American

  snapped his gum and said, "You Canadian folk eat the whole

 bread?" "Of course." The American blew a huge bubble. "We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside. The
crusts we collect in a big container, recycle them, transform
them into  croissants and sell them to Canada.
The American had a smirk on his face. The Canadian listened in
silence.
The American persisted. "Do ya eat jelly with the bread?"
Sighing, the Canadian replied, "Of course."
Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, "We
 don't. In the States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds  and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to Canada.

The Canadian then asked, "Do you have sex in the States?"
 The American smiled and said, "Why of course we do."
The Canadian leaned closer to him and asked, "And what do you do
with the condoms once you've used  them?"

  "We throw them away, of course," said the American.

  Now it was the Canadian's turn to smile. '' We don't. In Canada,
  we put  them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum, and sell them to the United States".

                    Ain't It great to be Canadian

 

 

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM ONTARIO WHEN:

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting
to pass a tractor on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going to Barrie for the
weekend.
3. You measure distance in hours.
4. You know several people who have hit deer more
than once.
5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the
same day.
6. You use a down comforter in the summer.
7. Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through 13 feet
of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
9. You install security lights on your house and
garage and leave both unlocked.
10. You think of the major food groups as deer
meat, fish, and berries.
11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your
wife knows how to use them.
12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the
Canadian Tire store at any given time.
13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to
fit over a snowsuit.
14. Driving is better in the winter because the
potholes are filled with snow.
15. You think lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.
16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter,
winter, still winter, construction.
17. It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one
item even when you're in a rush because you have to stop and talk to
everyone in town.
18. You actually understand these jokes and forward
them to all your friends from Ontario.

 

A Canadian Is Drinking In A New York Bar.

 

          He gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up,grinning from ear to

 ear & orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he

 announces, his wife has just produced a typical Canadian baby boy weighing

 25 pounds.

    Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds,

 but the Canadian just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks. Like I

 said, my boy's a typical Canadian baby boy."

     Congratulations showered him from all around & many exclamations

 of "WOW!" were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

    Two weeks later the Canadian returns to the bar.

          The bartender says "Say, you're the father of that typical

 Canadian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you?

          Everybody's been makin' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks.

          We were gonna call you... so how much does he weigh now?"

          The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."

          The bartender is puzzled & concerned.

          "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born."

       The Canadian father takes a slow swig from his Molson Canadian,

 wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender & proudly

 says, "Had him circumcised".

 

          I AM CANADIAN

 

Mood: so so
Listening to: tv

Seeing as it is coming up on Canada Day it is time to tall jokes about ourselves because if you can't laugh at yourself you have no bussiness laughing at others.

Canadian eh!! 

1.      Only in Canada......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2        . Only in Canada......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in Canada......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions                                             while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in Canada.....do people order double cheese burgers, large fries and a diet coke.

5. Only in Canada......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in Canada......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in Canada......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in Canada......do we buy hot dogs in packages of twelve and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in Canada.....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in Canada......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

 

You know you're from Canada when 

1.      You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.

2        . You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. 

3        . The mosquitoes have landing lights. 

4        . You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. 

5        . You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat. 

6        . Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

7        . You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter  above the ground. 

8        . You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard. 

9        . Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

10    . You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons. 

11    . You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car. 

12    . The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2  pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.     

13    . At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant. 

14    . The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun 

15    . Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof. 

16    . You think the start of deer season is a national holiday 

17    . You head south to go to your cottage 

18    . You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears prowl on your deck. 

19    . You know which leaves make good toilet paper 

20    . The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo it's sausage making.

21    . You find -40C a little chilly. 

22    .The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze. 

23    . You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewellery  and your Sorrels. 

24    . You can play road hockey on skates. 

25    . You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction. 

26    . The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus. 

27    . You understand the Labatt Blue commercials. 

28    . You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada". 

29    . You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Canadian  friends  

 

Mood: bored
Listening to: music

I've just been snooping through some of the weblogs just to be nosey. Some are quite amusing