Life in Middle Girth

Monday, 11.16pm

This new keyboard is a joy to type on.

Okay, a brief catch up. Hard to be brief about something when your every waking (and half your sleeping) hours are spent mulling it over.

Hubby’s aforementioned pooh tests came back as positive for blood traces, so the next stage was a gastroscopy and colonoscopy. The drawback here was that a day’s fasting was required before the procedures - and that’s a pretty big ask for a diabetic. However, with the aid of apple juice, lemonade, jelly and other fun stuff he managed his sugar levels, and at the same time didn’t have too much grief from the sachets of picoprep he had to take to “cleanse the colon”. He expected to spend the day on the loo but it wasn’t too bad at all. Mind you, the price of the stuff cleansed the wallet pretty thoroughly!

Fear plays a large part in these things, but if you ever have to go through it, don’t stress too much - although you don‘t get a general anaesthetic, the drugs are wonderful, the only drugs you are actually allowed to enjoy! The gastroscopy was fine, he remembers nothing about that, and the colonoscopy went well (he quite enjoyed watching his innards on the TV screen but felt nothing physically). Well, when I say went well, the procedure did but the results weren’t so hot - he has a large polyp at the end of his bowel which was too big to be removed endoscopally (is that a word?) so the doctor took some biopsies off it and we are awaiting results on that now. He said one part of it looked abnormal but not to worry, it had to come out and once it was in a bucket it wouldn’t be a problem. Sounds like they will remove quite a large section of bowel and stitch the rest back together, maybe a week in hospital if they can do it laproscopically. Now we are waiting to hear from the surgeon and are beginning to fret as the doc who did the first bit thought we’d hear last Friday or today, but so far, nothing.

So, the cloud is still there, threatening. Actually Father bear took the news of the needed operation very well, far better than when the possibility of something was rearing its ugly head. Well I thought he was but we had the most dreadful row on Saturday on leaving a function at squash…long story, we’d all had too much to drink probably but it had been a cheerful time, when wham he went all stupid about driving home. I made Mike block the truck in so he couldn’t drive, pretty staunch of the kid seeing his pride and joy could easily have been backed into by something with bullbars - then I removed the keys and got my lineage roared at me. Small dissolved into a quivering jelly, medium got the angries, large took them home, and I took off on foot after father bear. We had a slanging match in full public view on the footpath, he said I was a *@# bitch who didn’t even care so I slapped him (!) and we power walked from there, freezing our butts off. God it was the most awful thing, but no matter how little or much alcohol was involved that was the most hurtful thing he could have said, that I didn‘t care. I said that if I didn’t care I’d have let him drive, and if I was really a bitch then I would have called the cops and told them he was driving. Oh yes I know he’s under stress. Aren’t I? I know I shouldn’t have lost it but I have been turning myself inside out trying to keep things on an even keel between him and the kids and work and worrying myself stupid……..for nothing? My arse.

Sorry, I have vented now.

No, there’s more I need to unload. The day following, nothing. No apology, no acknowledgement of what had happened, nothing. Not a bloody thing. Towards the end of the day I spat out how I felt totally devastated as much by his silence as by what had happened, and tried to explain how completely gobsmacked I was and how much it had hurt. Oh sorry he said. It’ll take more than sodding sorry I said. And that’s it. As far as he seems to be concerned, that’s it over now. All better. Arse again.

Of course I am being totally unreasonable given the circumstances which is bloody unfair.

I think I’d better stop - I know I’ll feel guilty about this rant. Bugger.

New coinage came into effect today, its funny. So little. The oldies are going to hate it.

Went to Parent Teacher interviews tonight, all well on that front, good on ya Greg.

Bed time. Amazing how much distance there can be between the edges of one bed.

Jaybee.