Grrrrrr
Mood: Grumpy
Listening to: French tennis open (I think) on TV
Sunday night, 11.13 pm
I am really angry at the moment, having just had a spat with the husband. He's got all poopy because I haven't gone off to bed with him, I've chosen the computer instead. He takes it as a personal insult. And I can't be bothered with that. He's also grumpy because I bought something off Trade Me tonight and he doesn't approve of me doing that either.
I'VE SPENT THE FIRST 46 YEARS OF MY LIFE PLEASING EVERYBODY ELSE AND NOW I WANT TO PLEASE MYSELF.
How selfish is that? Too selfish? Probably too selfish to be practicable.
I'm annoyed that he's packed one tonight because we've had such a lovely evening - had my neice and her husband to dinner and it was great catching up with them. I did a big roast of pork with all the trimmings: apple sauce and crackling, cauliflower cheese, spuds, cabbage and silverbeet, roast pumpkin, parsnip and kumara, and Nicky brought pudding - apple and boysenberry crumble with custard and yoghurt topping. YUM. All the kids are home this weekend too, so the noise level was a bit high at times, but it was a good family night.
And I've had a bit of a bummer weekend, I have got sore feet.... that sounds trivial, let me expand on it a bit. For years and years I have had heels that build up thick skin and crack and flake - from time to time I give them soaks and rubs and creams and such and they improve, then they fall apart again - nothing serious you understand, but can be painful at times. Well, on Friday night they got really sore, couldn't keep still in bed sore (let alone sleep) and on Saturday morning I discovered red fiery bits going up my ankles and little pus filled bits scattered around the heels, so off I went to the doctor and somehow they've got infected. He lanced the icky bits and gave me a course of anti-biotics to take, but I think the poison has gone through my system because I've done an awful lot of sleeping and feeling wretched this weekend. I think I'm on the mend now, I hope so anyway. Doesn't bode well for my walk to Wellington! Just as well my Community Services Card hasn't expired - the Dr 'only' cost $35 instead of the $55 it would have cost if I hadn't had one, and I got my prescription for $6 for 2 items. (Community Services Card is granted to lower income families or those with a corresponding number of children - I think we are well above the $ threshold but it has something to do with Brent being diabetic I think.)
Then I came home and slept for another 3 hours!
Then Brent and I took Greg (one of ours), Shaun (Greg's mate from down the road) and Kate (Shaun's dog) down to Waitarere Beach where Shaun's parents have a caravan that they stay in some weekends. Shaun hadn't gone with them on Friday night as he works in the deli at the local supermarket on a Saturday.
After dropping them off we went over to Pip's flat in Palmerston North to inspect the damage to her car where somebody rear ended her on Thursday - not too bad, but bad enough to make us wonder if the insurance company will fix it or write it off - after all her car is only worth $1000 and they won't want to fork out too much in repairs. Wait and see, wait and see. Brent also got hauled off to one of Pip's mate's flats to fix a fuse - an electrician in the family, or even a handyman type bloke - is so convenient! And then we went out for dinner, just me and Brent. This is just about a first! We had a really nice meal at a place called the Bath-house (no, I don't know why) before coming home and watching Jonah Lomu's team play somebody else's on TV.
Pip happened to stay the night with friends at the same camp, and she brought Greg home tonight as he wasn't feeling too well (but still managed to put a very respectable helping of dinner away).
How dare he nut off at me because I'm not going to bed at the same time as him? How DARE he? It's not going to encourage me is it? I will NOT be told what to do.
I have changed, I have become cooler towards him - well, physically anyway, and stopped the old nooky - I freely admit that. It's not something I enjoy overly, never have and I'm probably missing out on a part of life that I know he longs for but at the moment I don't feel like doing it for him, I feel like not doing it for me - is that too dreadful of me? I also wonder how much my medication is killing what little libido I have (but I'm not about to ask the doctor about THAT), whether this could be partly hormonal and maybe pre-menopausal, and whether the dim dark past is having more of an effect on me than I have previously given credence to. Maybe I should go back to my counsellor, but she is also a qualified sex therapist (! whatever that means !) and is bound to be biassed.
Whoops, got a bit off the rails there didn't I. Sorry.
Right, I might consider going to bed now, because I am knackered. I don't deliberately wait till he's gone to sleep, that was an unfair accusation, but I don't expect him to wait up for me either. If he chooses to go off well, good on him, he's entitled to. As I am entitled surely to go to bed when I please after doing whatever I please beforehand, whether it's blogging or reading or journalling or whatever.
I can't see resolution here.
Jaybee
