*Like It or Not...This Is Me*

Apr 26, 2006 at 05:46 o\clock

Si I am a bit worried now...

by: winteryweather

Mood: Sore and tired
Listening to: the Big Big Tittie eat food...lol...huh Shelly?

Blue is the way I feel right about now!  My mom has gotten worse, she spent the last weekend throwing up and not eating!  She had her CT of the abdomen and pelvis today, but we won't know anything for a few days, how convenient.  She continues to lose weight and the skin is hanging off of her!  I am scared, and I have my own troubles to deal with.  My life is just sinking away...I am in a dream right now!  That is why I must ...never mind, it does not matter.  Am I the only one in this world that has the worst of everything?  I feel it is constantly one thing after another and I can't catch up.  I won't go into specifics, but it isn't good for me.  My depression is now at a very low point and I feel that everything I have left is just disappearing right in front of me.  I cannot take it anymore...I am past the point of getting a good scream in...it helps no more.  I write faithfully in my at home journal(w/actual writing) lol.  But it never ends.  I want to go away and never come back, but that will do NO good!  I can take all the advice from friends, but it doesn't help.  Don't get me wrong...I love my online friends, but there is no more hope in my heart to heal anymore.  It has really gotten that bad and now I AM tired of trying to please everyone and it getting nowhere.  I try to not say much on here and if you all knew exactly what I want to say you may be able to understand.  No, it isn't anything about my WONDERFUL online friends...it is me and the shit I deal with on a daily basis...the depression-my mothers' sickness-my sickness-the nephew-my kids...I could go on but there is no point to it.  I am sorry if any of you are mad at me for saying things...they are NOT directed at anyone here...please know I love you all and would miss you greatly if you weren't here.  Alot of the reason I am still 'here' is because of you guys!  Trust me, I would be long gone 6 feet under by now if I hadn't met you!  Well I am tired and need to take a pain killer...several as they don't work and aren't very strong ones!

 

Sincerely,

 

J.

Comments for this entry:

  1. Nergeedor wrote at Apr 26, 2006 at 06:00 o\clock:I\'m not mad at you at all! Feel what you feel. No one lives your life but you and if you\'re not feeling happy then don\'t pretend that you are.



    Get better (emotionally and physically), my little pookie wookie.
  2. ilovetchocky wrote at Apr 26, 2006 at 06:41 o\clock:aww Jackie... I wish I could say something to make you happy.. I used to think that my mother felt like that.. she did EVERYTHING for us... my father is a wonderful man but he was another \"kid\" SHE had to take care of.. and then growing up we showed her no appreciation being the spoiled things we are but you know, I love my mother so much, I would be so lost without her and I wanted to tell mothers that even if you think you\'re underappreciated, you probably are not.. there isn\'t a day that goes by when I don\'t thank god for my mother.. even though she might not know it.. I hope you start feeling happy soon.. you should take steps to make dramatic changes in your life, screw the stuff you hate and make them work around the new you!

    HUGS

    tchocky
  3. Miss260903 wrote at Apr 26, 2006 at 12:08 o\clock:~Hi Miss J~

    I could never be mad at you. You are allowed to feel anything you want! I wish I could help you feel better feelings though. Depressions are tough,I suffer through them too. I haven\'t had a really bad spell in a while though. Your energy is probably low too huh....That was always one of my symptoms. Wanted to make changes but was just so tired that I couldn\'t be bothered. I don\'t have any advice, as I suck at saying stuff that is intelligent. Heehee! But know that I love ya tons & am prayin\' for you & your momma. I hope they can find what is wrong & fix it.

    Lots of love & tons of hugs,

    ~Teri~ xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

    PS: Keep writing.....It may help =(
  4. Miss260903 wrote at Apr 26, 2006 at 12:09 o\clock:My email: Teri24NS@Yahoo.ca

    If you ever wanna talk.



    Kisses & Hugs,

    ~Teri~
  5. mindless_chatter wrote at Apr 26, 2006 at 16:03 o\clock:I\'m not gonna do advice as I suck at it anyways, but I can offer my cyber shoulder to cry on and my ears and eyes to listen. I am so glad to have met you on here...your one of the reasons I am here as well. I am sorry things are so shitty and difficult, life is a cruel bitch like that. I hope that the docs figure out what\'s going on with your mom. I know I would be freakin out if something was wrong with mine. I will keep all of your family and you in my thoughts and prayers.



    LUV YA GIRL!



    P.S. Wanna go shoot some guns with me?? LOL!
  6. henry wrote at Apr 26, 2006 at 16:57 o\clock:Hi Jackie,

    Everybody have got their ups and downs. When everythings are doing fine, we feel happy but when we\'re troubled, we feel that the world is against us. This is life.

    All I can say is, look on the brighter side of life.

    Take care, Jackie!
  7. shellbug773 wrote at Apr 27, 2006 at 18:22 o\clock:All I want you to know is that I love you. You\'re one of my closest friends and Im proud to call you a friend. You do a lot for a lot of people and get no recognition.



    You\'re extremely important to me and I love you from the bottom of my heart.



    xoxoxo

    Shel
  8. mindless_chatter wrote at Apr 28, 2006 at 15:57 o\clock:Kick ass...you get to go buy ammo and go play with guns...I am jealous!!!!!!! Haa haa...oh and I totally agree about the ugly chi dog thing...she (Angel) is way cuter than most. I think that most of them are ugly they have like big ass heads and huge buggy eyes...but I just hope she doesn\'t grow up to look like that...haa haa. I\'ll still keep her even if she is an ugly adult....haa haa haa. Take care, will chat at you soon hopefully. I have home internet (FINALLY) so maybe I will catch you on messenger or something this weekend!

    Much Luv...

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