I am tired...
Ok, so it was a rough weekend and all. Sunday morning I get a call from my sister just crying like mad. My mother had been screaming out all morning...I'm dying help me. Of course my sister freaked out so I went over there. I told her to call the hospice nurse and the regular nurse we have. Well the original nurse came out and she helped out alot. We think my mother didn't take her every four hour pain pill and went a whole day without one or else she got confused and took too many like one before the next one was due. Dear Goddess this is aweful. She hasn't eaten since last Thursday now and can barely swallow the monsterous pill. If and when she can no longer take the pills, they have dissolve ones for her. The nurse and oncologist have agreed that she only take the pain pill and the lorazepam as the others are really pointless now. She has been out of it since Saturday. We have to completely care for her now.
Hospice sent a hospitol bed for her today and the nurse and I got her washed up and into that bed. I of course took the other bed apart and outside. I want a hospitol bed, they are awesome! So now we just wait for the day it comes. I know it will be soon as this is how my f-i-l was. It is very scarey for me right now knowing that it will be sooner than we thought. I just don't want her to be in pain you know? The nurse even said that this was so unexpected since she was out last Thursday and she(my mother) was walking and coherant(sp?). Now she is bed-bound and not able to really speak, just moan. The kids are starting to get freaked out so I brought a few things home for them to read and so they will understand a bit more on how things will go. We weren't 'there' when my f-i-l passed so we really never got to see that but hubbys' sisters and mom have told me. I know what to expect, but it is still so hard.
I have decided to get my nails done tomorrow. I guess it is my little piece of santuary for the day where I don't have to worry so much.
I don't have to be at my moms for the whole day although I will pop out there to make sure the people we have lined up are giving her her meds. I am so thankful my mother has great friends. The one lady who is out there tonight used to be a registered nurse and that is really a load off of my mind for tonight anyways! My auntie will be there tomorrow and she is so wonderful and can handle things.
I know I need to take care of myself, but I have no appetite the last few days with all of the worry. DON'T WORRY you all who might, I ate a bit tonight, but my tummy is ready to well you know! I think I have an ulcer, I know I have horrible migraines everyday and I need to get to the doc for those pens that have migraine meds in them. I got some one time, but I don't have them anymore. I think I had to chuck them out because they were expired.
My daughter called me from school today. She had really bad chest pains. What next huh? Well, she has asthma and didn't take her inhaler to school with her as she is supposed to. Then she tells me that she lost it and that is why. So after I left my mothers' tonight I had to go get that refilled. Always something.
My sister is of course in Minneapolis for the next couple of days for work. She almost didn't go but I told her I would call her ASAP if anything came up. She is stopping by my auntis' and uncles' house if Fargo on the way back to pick up my aunti. Bout time she comes down. She has visited maybe twice and called one since the beginning of all this back in the spring. She is very selfish. But at least she is coming and that is all that matters. It is her sister that is DYING and all. I would sell everything I owned to get to my family in any situation like this. Some people are just so...I don't know the word but you get it.
So, I have rambled long enough but I needed to get it all out and off my mind for the moment...
Hope you are all well and I send you hugs!
J.
