*Like It or Not...This Is Me*

Well, from the title you most likey guessed it is not good news.  My mother got her test results back and she has pancreatic cancer and it has matisisized(sp?) into her liver.  We will be leaving for Mayo hopefully the end of the week and have the other test done.  Then from there...treatment options.  I am not doing so well and feel as thought he world is spinning around me and I am numb.  They won't know how long until the test is done and looked at.  I did tell her that I have a liver if she needed it.  She just laughed...I was serious though!  You don't know how hard I prayed for it not to be cancer and if it was...that it should be me who got it.  Well, I have a secret I cannot tell now,Shelly is the only one who knows so far, but now I cannot tell anyone.  I am so numb right now. I mean really I am shaking and crying and can't quite get it together right now.  But I need to write it out as I have no one here to talk with.  This is going to be very hard as I had to go through this with my father-in-law.  It was the worst thing I have ever had to witness.  Cancer is the most horrible thing GOD has given us.  The doctor gave her morphine to take and some other pills.  As she was leaving my house she said...'I am going to spend my money damnit and get new carpet and furniture before I die...I want to see it all!!!'  I am glad she has some humor in all of this.  I am really disappointed in the doctor though.  His intern had to call and tell her as he was in emergency surgery.  He could have at least told her himself.  I have heard of a new cancer treatment facility in Grand Forks which I will have to look into.  I just don't see us being at Mayo for a month or longer, that is too far away from HOME.  I am trying to get ahold of my sister-in-law and get all the info of the doctors they had for my f-i-law.  It helps alot knowing what I do as it will prepare me for the long journey I have the next few weeks or months, hopefully years I have with her. 

Well I hope you are all well and in advance apologize if I am not on here for awhile as I will be busy with my mother and I thank you all for your kind words and prayers.  Goddess I am losing it...so thank you all and I will try to update when I have the time!

J.