*Like It or Not...This Is Me*

Sep 28, 2006 at 19:24 o\clock

Thank God for hospice

Well, all I can say is that hospice is wonderfull.  They are going to be here whenever I need a break or my sister needs a break.  They pay for all her meds, also all her medical 'comfort' needs.  It is amazing what they do.
My sis is going out of town next week for work and we have some friends that are going to stay with my mom and watch her so I get a three day break...at least from watching my mom, I still have to watch my nephew.  I will take full advantage of that time though!  I have to finish the table and chairs I started.  My father made that table and chair set so I took it and am refinishing it.  I have the top of the table done, I stained it 'bombay mohaghanny' and it is really pretty!  Then I have the pantry to finish.  I have no idea as to what to do with that.  It was in my great grandmothers' farmhouse and I guess I inherited  it but the paint is pretty old and I feel painting over it would not be good so I strip it and maybe paint it!  
The parish nurse just called and she is coming out to visit with my mohter at 3:30 this afternoon.  I suppose she is going to trim my mothers' toe nails and give her communion.  She is an awesome parish nurse.  I will be gone then because I have to pick up my kiddos after school.  My son has work right away after school as well.  The weather has sucked this last week.  Always raining and it hailed out yesterday.  It is raining out pretty good right now.  Yikkkes!
I have been busy with my quilting as well.  I have three quilt tops done and now I need to get them finished.  My auntie is coming down next week tuesday I think and I will 'beg' for help--lol.   Last night my nephew got his first bible at church...he was pretty proud I guess.  I feel bad as I am his God Mum and I missed it.  I have just been too tired with all this crap and I know it is the depression and have to get that under control very soon as it only gets worse from here.  
Thank you Shelly for the card...I got it and I love ya!  Sorry if I have been didstant lately...you know why.
Hubby just called and said his mother called him...yeah..interesting thing she is.  Apparently some good friends of hers confronted her about her drinking and it pissed her off.  Hubby says that her and his dad always drank in the evening and not to worry about it...yeah whatever.  Then a friend of hers came to talk with her and said she doesn't have a drinking problem then went to the other friends and said she does...WTF...I told hubby I Am staying WAY out of that one.  But I think she does have a problem.  I did tell hubby that but I said I am staying out of it with her.  Serves her right for all the crap she has said about me behind my back and in front of my daughter.  Oh well, what can you do about sad, sad people who don't get it.  There is a rumor her and this one guy are having an affair.  I know that is all rumor as she doesn't even, well he is different and there just would be no way that would happen!  So sad how people are and have such boring lives they have to make up crapto feel good about themselves.
The kiddos are going to be babysitting the 'evil' nephews this weekend...friday-sunday...in shifts so they should make some good cash.  Last weekend my son babysat overnight and made $60.  Damn, I want to babysit.  NOT!!!  They truely are spoiled brats.  
Been buying alot of stuff on EBAY lately.  Mostly fabric for quilts and such.  Yeah yeah I know, lazy, but the cutting part is done and I don't have to do it.  Bought some Breyer brand horses for my daughter, she is digging horses right now.  Bought a Saint Rita medal, silver coffe urn with a burner thingy on the bottom.  I did bid on but not won a Louis Vuitton handbag...it went higher then what it is new in the shop so I said forget it!   Oh, I bought the coolest hat too, but won't be able to wear it till next summer, it is a summer hat.  It is cute though! 
Well I guess this is long and boring enough so I will quit for now...

Sep 21, 2006 at 06:19 o\clock

Nothing too great here but bad news as always...

So as you most know, my mother has pancreatic cancer and also had a fall which broke her hip, wrist and shoulder.  I have been taking care of her since then during the day and my sister does at night.  Anyways, she has been on chemo for some time and today was the dreaded day we found out that it isn't working anymore thus they have stopped treatment.  It wasn't helping at all.  Does this mean it is going to go fast or do I have to see her suffer and die in front of me.  The doctor recommended hospice and so tomorrow the nurse is coming over to my mothers house to talk with all of us about that.  This is such a heavy burden on my heart and body.  I was thinking of checking into a psych ward just for exhaustion(sp?).  I now understand why movie stars and famous people do that.  I am so tired of having to do it all and it seems as though I am doing it all by myself.  I don't have anyone to really talk with about it and so I sit here trying not to think so much! 

This guy I hung out with when I lived in NY 19 years ago emailed me out of the blue and told me his father passed away last night.  I was so sad about that.  He(his father) had been suffering with dymentia for years I guess and is was hard on him and his mother to have to deal with that.  I can only hope he is no longer suffering that horrible mess.  So D and I talked for an hour and we both got a few things off our minds.  No, don't go make this all into something it is not.  He is just a wonderful person to talk to and he understands me, more so than my own hubby does.  But no, there is nothing and never was anything between us. 

So that is all that is going on here for now.  I know I have not updated or commented and I think you all know why...I am just not available all day to sit and do this, but today I had to get it off my mind-so to speak.

Hope you are well and I send hugs and happiness to you all!