do not cry out and hit the alarm, you'll get the loneliest feeling..
That's a line from climbing up the walls.
You know, Radiohead's lyrics and songs are so beautiful but I hate it when my feelings.. no no.. current state of being resonates with it. I feel soooooooooooooooo sad. It's awful really. And the worst part is, I feel like no one knows how sad I am and I wish someone did so that I wouldn't feel so alone.. isn't that crazy? How you can be surrounded with so many people you care about and you still feel alone because you feel like no one knows what is going on inside your head? I don't know why that matters to me, to be understood as much as I crave to be understood.. it's the weirdest thing in the world. And not just someone who listens and is like uh huh uh huh I am here for you but are actually going through it themselves.. it's the worst most selfish thing I think that I think.
Only this time, I don't have a bunch of people surrounding me.. my bf is in Belgium, my best friends are in Toronto, the friends I have in Kingston either live with my ex or Julia who is always with her boyfriend. argh.
So anyways, I have bronchitis which is why I am not on the bus to go to Toronto right now. How ridiculous! I want to go home SO BADLY! And here I am, watching my housemates pack to go to the Dominican! I wish I could go somewhere warm but NOOOOOOOO I HAVE TO STUDY! And this UGLY STUPID F***ING TOWN is deserted.. it's like ghost town! I hate it. There are two guy friends of mine who are staying and calilng me up to do things only they've liked me before and Mani definitely doesn't want me hanging out with them.. even though he'll play the understanding bf card, I know he's turning red. I don't blame him. I would hate it if girls who have wanted to make out with him in the past tried to tell him they'd come over with movies to make the sickness more bearable etc etc.
Anyhoo.. something about a grey town with wind and no people that makes me anxious.. it's like being in the northern tundras and all there is is.. well a snowy tundra and seals... or being in the woods all by yoruself... even though that's not happened.. it's an awful feeling
actually you might want to liken it to the feeling you get when you're stranded in the ocean and you can't see land in sight.. that HORRIBLE FEELING.. that is what I feel.. I NEVER USED TO FEEL LIKE THIS!! i dunno why.. i thnk it's that I'm away from my parents and my friends at home, stuck in the most boring place on earth ( I NEED 24 HOUR SKYSCRAPERS AND LIGHTS TO FEEL ALIVE :( ) AND I JUST AM SO MISERABLE!
SO WEIRD.. i remember in high school I was the happiest, nicest girl ever.. and then BAMM! UNI turned me into a cynical, bitching person. argh!
Anyhoo.. I'm going to play online scrabble with my best friend... ttyl
tchocky
You know, Radiohead's lyrics and songs are so beautiful but I hate it when my feelings.. no no.. current state of being resonates with it. I feel soooooooooooooooo sad. It's awful really. And the worst part is, I feel like no one knows how sad I am and I wish someone did so that I wouldn't feel so alone.. isn't that crazy? How you can be surrounded with so many people you care about and you still feel alone because you feel like no one knows what is going on inside your head? I don't know why that matters to me, to be understood as much as I crave to be understood.. it's the weirdest thing in the world. And not just someone who listens and is like uh huh uh huh I am here for you but are actually going through it themselves.. it's the worst most selfish thing I think that I think.
Only this time, I don't have a bunch of people surrounding me.. my bf is in Belgium, my best friends are in Toronto, the friends I have in Kingston either live with my ex or Julia who is always with her boyfriend. argh.
So anyways, I have bronchitis which is why I am not on the bus to go to Toronto right now. How ridiculous! I want to go home SO BADLY! And here I am, watching my housemates pack to go to the Dominican! I wish I could go somewhere warm but NOOOOOOOO I HAVE TO STUDY! And this UGLY STUPID F***ING TOWN is deserted.. it's like ghost town! I hate it. There are two guy friends of mine who are staying and calilng me up to do things only they've liked me before and Mani definitely doesn't want me hanging out with them.. even though he'll play the understanding bf card, I know he's turning red. I don't blame him. I would hate it if girls who have wanted to make out with him in the past tried to tell him they'd come over with movies to make the sickness more bearable etc etc.
Anyhoo.. something about a grey town with wind and no people that makes me anxious.. it's like being in the northern tundras and all there is is.. well a snowy tundra and seals... or being in the woods all by yoruself... even though that's not happened.. it's an awful feeling
actually you might want to liken it to the feeling you get when you're stranded in the ocean and you can't see land in sight.. that HORRIBLE FEELING.. that is what I feel.. I NEVER USED TO FEEL LIKE THIS!! i dunno why.. i thnk it's that I'm away from my parents and my friends at home, stuck in the most boring place on earth ( I NEED 24 HOUR SKYSCRAPERS AND LIGHTS TO FEEL ALIVE :( ) AND I JUST AM SO MISERABLE!
SO WEIRD.. i remember in high school I was the happiest, nicest girl ever.. and then BAMM! UNI turned me into a cynical, bitching person. argh!
Anyhoo.. I'm going to play online scrabble with my best friend... ttyl
tchocky
I remember when I was waiting at university halls of residence for my dad to come and pick me up - everybody else had gone home, including a very good friend next door. The campus was so quiet! Huge piles of rubbish waiting for the bin men. I knew I didn\'t have to be alone for long but I felt so desolate I wrote about it in a letter to my vanished friend. I guess it was partly because I knew it was an end of an era. Next year there would be different people in different rooms. The ghosts of my friends stalked the campus...