What is your policy on dating friends?
First I want to let Mani know that I don't have a secret message in
the blog I'm about to write.. you paranoid android. But I'm really
curious to know... am I the only person who thinks it's a bad idea to
date friends? I've done both (friends and non-friends) and I just
wanted to point out the drastic differences in both experiences.
I really strongly advise people to refrain from dating friends but
there is one major flaw in dating not friends that cannot be ignored.
Lemme try and explain.
For one simple reason only: It is so much easier.. SOO MUCH EASIER to end a relationship that started with a non friend. I wondered why this is the case. And Ithink I understand why it was no problem at all for me to stop dating boys who weren't a friend to begin with. Relationships with non friends will always innately be selfish. It started off because you are attracted to the person. And anything you don't like about the person can easily be forgiven if they are that much hotter/ fun to be with. However, because of the underlying selfishness of it all, you will never be able to fully 100% trust that any of their motives or actions are selfless acts of affection. There is no common bond of pure friendship established. And that might be the only truly selfless aspect a relationship might have to offer. Whatever the reasons for being together, whether it's conservative social status, unwillingness to be alone, sexual motives or need/desire to be in a position to love others it's all the same. Selfish. If nothing at all, you can always console yourself with the fact that their feelings for you were selfish to begin with. Hence making the breaking uppage that much more conducive.
Dating a friend establishes that you really love that person. As a brother/sister, family as a friend. A kind of bond that you could quite possibly trust the other person with your life. Because nice things that you have done for each other in the past were not done for personal gain within a relationship. It was truly an act of love and real appreciation. You don't keep friends that you dont' feel this way for. Once you date a friend with this status already cemented in your life, breaking up with them, especially if you think it would hurt them is not an option anymore. Hurting them hurts you too. You don't want them to hurt, and that is selfless. You can make the argument that it is selfish if you don't want to hurt them to prevent yourself from feeling hurt. But my point is, to feel hurt at the prospect of the other person hurting is a selfless feeling to begin with. The only reason one might break up with this friend of interest is when it comes to a point that the thought of them living out the relationship in a lie is too unfair and sad to think about. Pity is definitely not the appropriate word although it may sound that way. You pity ignorant people, you pity poor people, and you pity lovesick fools who are not your friends, but you do not pity a person you care so deeply about. The guilt that you feel afterwards for having the audacity to hurt someone 100 billion times better than you is like nothing you've ever known. If anything, people should pity you.
Now while I state my case that dating friends is a bad idea, I wanted to mention that having that underlying pure trust and understanding that only friends can have in a relationship, might be the only way to have a truly fulfilling relationship. So to work around this conundrum, I have one simple solution:
When dating in your teens and the bulk of your twenties, date not friends.
When you reach a certain age where you want to get married because you selfishly do not feel like being alone, date a friend.. because your friendship might be the only pure thing in your relationship.. unlike your selfish motive for wanting that relationship. You know who y'all are.
I have to edit this part in because I didn't address the issue of being broken up with. Similarly, it would suck way more to be broken up by a friend than by a not friend, wouldn't it? Being broken up with by a not friend would only confirm what you try to lie to yourself about in the first place.. that it was a selfless relationship. PSSSHH. Being broken up by a friend would mean that they struggled with the issue and really felt that there was no hope in keeping the relationship alive, despite how much they care about you. I don't have much more to say about that. But try to refute it. I dare ya.
That's all folks!
Next week: Why the constitution of marriage is a sham and just makes no sense at all
tchock loyalist
For one simple reason only: It is so much easier.. SOO MUCH EASIER to end a relationship that started with a non friend. I wondered why this is the case. And Ithink I understand why it was no problem at all for me to stop dating boys who weren't a friend to begin with. Relationships with non friends will always innately be selfish. It started off because you are attracted to the person. And anything you don't like about the person can easily be forgiven if they are that much hotter/ fun to be with. However, because of the underlying selfishness of it all, you will never be able to fully 100% trust that any of their motives or actions are selfless acts of affection. There is no common bond of pure friendship established. And that might be the only truly selfless aspect a relationship might have to offer. Whatever the reasons for being together, whether it's conservative social status, unwillingness to be alone, sexual motives or need/desire to be in a position to love others it's all the same. Selfish. If nothing at all, you can always console yourself with the fact that their feelings for you were selfish to begin with. Hence making the breaking uppage that much more conducive.
Dating a friend establishes that you really love that person. As a brother/sister, family as a friend. A kind of bond that you could quite possibly trust the other person with your life. Because nice things that you have done for each other in the past were not done for personal gain within a relationship. It was truly an act of love and real appreciation. You don't keep friends that you dont' feel this way for. Once you date a friend with this status already cemented in your life, breaking up with them, especially if you think it would hurt them is not an option anymore. Hurting them hurts you too. You don't want them to hurt, and that is selfless. You can make the argument that it is selfish if you don't want to hurt them to prevent yourself from feeling hurt. But my point is, to feel hurt at the prospect of the other person hurting is a selfless feeling to begin with. The only reason one might break up with this friend of interest is when it comes to a point that the thought of them living out the relationship in a lie is too unfair and sad to think about. Pity is definitely not the appropriate word although it may sound that way. You pity ignorant people, you pity poor people, and you pity lovesick fools who are not your friends, but you do not pity a person you care so deeply about. The guilt that you feel afterwards for having the audacity to hurt someone 100 billion times better than you is like nothing you've ever known. If anything, people should pity you.
Now while I state my case that dating friends is a bad idea, I wanted to mention that having that underlying pure trust and understanding that only friends can have in a relationship, might be the only way to have a truly fulfilling relationship. So to work around this conundrum, I have one simple solution:
When dating in your teens and the bulk of your twenties, date not friends.
When you reach a certain age where you want to get married because you selfishly do not feel like being alone, date a friend.. because your friendship might be the only pure thing in your relationship.. unlike your selfish motive for wanting that relationship. You know who y'all are.
I have to edit this part in because I didn't address the issue of being broken up with. Similarly, it would suck way more to be broken up by a friend than by a not friend, wouldn't it? Being broken up with by a not friend would only confirm what you try to lie to yourself about in the first place.. that it was a selfless relationship. PSSSHH. Being broken up by a friend would mean that they struggled with the issue and really felt that there was no hope in keeping the relationship alive, despite how much they care about you. I don't have much more to say about that. But try to refute it. I dare ya.
That's all folks!
Next week: Why the constitution of marriage is a sham and just makes no sense at all
tchock loyalist
