Feeling... funny
Lately, I've been really.. anxious to say the least. I just can't seem
to calm myself. I have to constantly preoccupy myself with SOMETHING..
and not just menial tasks.. menial tasks can't prevent me from thinking
too much and inevitably I'll forget what task I'm performing and injure
myself. I mean I have been playing guitar, reading oodles of books, I
can't stop myself from doing something and when I'm not doing anything,
I feel totally lost. Maybe I've become extremely efficient in just a
short amount of time and this is something to be celebrated..
On the other hand, I was watching Oprah the other day, and she thinks ( and yes, Oprah is a guru for u non-believers) that this stress is brought on by some form of depression.
Why the hell would I be depressed? Maybe I'm depressed cuz all my close friends are really busy or out of the country.. still doesn't explain anything. This feeling coincides with the time right around when I started working... do I really hate my job that much? I kinda do. I love the kids but.. ugh.. not going to discuss something I was about to rant about just out of sheer inconvenience and I'll probably let it do my head in.
So nix the depression thing, I think Oprah is not talking about me. I can't imagine it. There is nothing wrong with my life right now.. I'm at the most relaxed and peaceful place I've been in my life for a while now. I might be anxious about my trip to Paris or it might be the fact that I am not able to get my hands on a few music mags that I'm dying to get but can't find anywhere regardless of where I go! arhg! I should be living in the UK... or maybe I just feel useless because my holidays are stretching too long. This is the first holiday where I haven't been preoccupied doing things.
I dunno.. I dunno! What is the point of having all these english words at my disposal if I cannot adequately articulate my thoughts!? A total waste of time...
I hope you find some amusement in my useless entry atleast.
Sigh.. I'm going to indulge in wine after I pick my little sister up from the movies ( I mean seirously why does she have to go all the way downtown to watch a stupid movie! and now i have to drive all her little friends home cuz I don't want her waiting for me alone! )
And another thing. I've been finding myself wanting to drink wine everytime I get like this. Because you see, wine is my friend and I love her/him. It's really concerning, I can't imagine myself ever growing dependent on any substance.. although the other day, I had my first cup of coffee at work in a looong time ( remember how I was trying to ween myself off Redbull?) and I was SOOOOO HAPPY. My body went into this " aaaaah.. oh my gosh..." mode and then since then I've been frantically searching for coffee at work. Amish always warns me of my addictive personality. He says I get obsessive over drink, cigarettes ( I'm not a smoker) , music ( guilty as charged), collecting, germs and he fears other things to come. while I acknowledge my obsessive nature ( I can look up things on the internet on one band for days, not just Radiohead, and disinfect items 900 times a day), I cannot fathom growing a dependence on anything :s
So what the hell can it be? I mean serously today is the first day in 5 days I havent' had coffee so maybe I'm going through a coffee withdrawal.
:( I dunno.. I hope I figure it out soon before I end up really confused and messed up. I hate being so introspective. And while I find ppl who never think and don't really question their lives really weird and quite frankly, a bit of a waste, I've never wished more that I could be like one.
Let's hope I get past this phase soon
Hope everyone else still has their head screwed on properly
tchocky
Rock En Seine... Paris... can't... wait... Thom...Jonny...Phil...Colin...Ed...
On the other hand, I was watching Oprah the other day, and she thinks ( and yes, Oprah is a guru for u non-believers) that this stress is brought on by some form of depression.
Why the hell would I be depressed? Maybe I'm depressed cuz all my close friends are really busy or out of the country.. still doesn't explain anything. This feeling coincides with the time right around when I started working... do I really hate my job that much? I kinda do. I love the kids but.. ugh.. not going to discuss something I was about to rant about just out of sheer inconvenience and I'll probably let it do my head in.
So nix the depression thing, I think Oprah is not talking about me. I can't imagine it. There is nothing wrong with my life right now.. I'm at the most relaxed and peaceful place I've been in my life for a while now. I might be anxious about my trip to Paris or it might be the fact that I am not able to get my hands on a few music mags that I'm dying to get but can't find anywhere regardless of where I go! arhg! I should be living in the UK... or maybe I just feel useless because my holidays are stretching too long. This is the first holiday where I haven't been preoccupied doing things.
I dunno.. I dunno! What is the point of having all these english words at my disposal if I cannot adequately articulate my thoughts!? A total waste of time...
I hope you find some amusement in my useless entry atleast.
Sigh.. I'm going to indulge in wine after I pick my little sister up from the movies ( I mean seirously why does she have to go all the way downtown to watch a stupid movie! and now i have to drive all her little friends home cuz I don't want her waiting for me alone! )
And another thing. I've been finding myself wanting to drink wine everytime I get like this. Because you see, wine is my friend and I love her/him. It's really concerning, I can't imagine myself ever growing dependent on any substance.. although the other day, I had my first cup of coffee at work in a looong time ( remember how I was trying to ween myself off Redbull?) and I was SOOOOO HAPPY. My body went into this " aaaaah.. oh my gosh..." mode and then since then I've been frantically searching for coffee at work. Amish always warns me of my addictive personality. He says I get obsessive over drink, cigarettes ( I'm not a smoker) , music ( guilty as charged), collecting, germs and he fears other things to come. while I acknowledge my obsessive nature ( I can look up things on the internet on one band for days, not just Radiohead, and disinfect items 900 times a day), I cannot fathom growing a dependence on anything :s
So what the hell can it be? I mean serously today is the first day in 5 days I havent' had coffee so maybe I'm going through a coffee withdrawal.
:( I dunno.. I hope I figure it out soon before I end up really confused and messed up. I hate being so introspective. And while I find ppl who never think and don't really question their lives really weird and quite frankly, a bit of a waste, I've never wished more that I could be like one.
Let's hope I get past this phase soon
Hope everyone else still has their head screwed on properly
tchocky
Rock En Seine... Paris... can't... wait... Thom...Jonny...Phil...Colin...Ed...
Coffee is the devil..
any addiction is dangerous for your wealth.. my trip to Rock En Seine is setting me back about 2 grand... :s... it\'s ok Diddums.. it\'s an illness.. we cannot be faulted..
:)