FUCK! IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WITH A NORMAL MOM?
MY MOTHER IS PSYCHO!
So she comes home and she's like let's talk.. ok no first she's all slamming doors like she's 2. Then she's like let's talk... I know what she is doing.. my father inevitably has pissed her off somehow and now she's going to take it out on me.. the first 15 years of my life, I never knew what caused my mom to shit all over me out of the blue but then I got wise to the pattern. Everytime dad is stupid, Tchocky gets berated by mom. Berated is an understatement.. have you ever been scared that a person is going completely insane before your eyes and may never return to sanity? That is my mother.
Anyways.. so she's saying, " is there no way you're not going" and I was like, " there is no way I'm not going" and she's like " becuase if ur father finds out it's going to get worse" (as if she's scaring me) and I was like " I don't care"
and then she was saying things but i kept repeating, " i don't care" and then she was like " fine then leave my house"
wtf?
My mom kicked me out of the house. I was like fine!
But fuck! I have nowhere to go. Sure Di would love to let me stay but her father is so weird, he doesn't let his own family stay with him without some sort of fee. Then of course I could stay with Lisa but her apt is not big enough to house me, her deadbeat father, herself, her mom and her stupidass brothers. I thought about Julia, and she offered as well.. but I really would feel like I was impingeing on her and luc.. if she didn't have a bf I'd probably be on my way to kingston right now.
When I panic, my first instinct is to either call Mani or Amish. Because I know they'd do anything to take care of me. Amish is gone to Europe ( shit shit shit) but I knew that even though Mani and I hadn't talked in a few days because we were busy and because we're still sorting out the break-up he'd listen to me... I woke him up at midnight his time and he talked to me until it was 3am for him ( I saw him falling asleep on me on webcam). He's so sweet. We talked on the phone for the first 2 hours. I kept asking him what I should do, even though I knew he was helpless to help me, it was calming having him on the phone and talking about it. He kept telling me to come to Belgium..AS IF! Then it occurred to me I could stay at my friend Pat's... he would never feel that I was in the way and he has his own apt downtown! I really was going to but Mani was very upset at the idea. argh!
So tonight I was supposed to sleep over at Lisa's because my parents were fighting when the other one got home ( surprise!!! didn't I tell you that she was pissed off at him?!) SO FUCKING LOUD I swear the neighbours heard. My father, is wreckless and irresponsible.. he didn't get his tenants to sign the lease.. so they have been living there for 2 years and have not once paid the utility bill that they agreed to pay. But without a lease we can't prove that that agreement was ever made so now my dad is stuck paying for 2 years or energy consumption. My mom is sooo pissed because she kept pushing him to get those sketchy tenants to sign the lease. Anyways.. I've come to this conclusion. My mom just wants to have control over everything and now that I've made it clear that she has no control over my actions, how I spend my money and that whatever she has to say doesn't concern me, she's decided to use her ultimate power and kick me out. This has done irreparable damage to our relationship.. you know.. I've said this a BILLION times in the past, whenever she went psycho on my ass or even literally whooped my ass.. but this time, I don't really know what she can do to make me want to talk to her normally ever again. I was always comforted by the fact that whenever I needed a place to stay or food to eat she'd always provide it and it would never even be used as a threat. and although I know my mom does not intend for me to move out, I just cannot get over how ABSOLUTELY mental she is. I HAVE to move out, even if it's just for fear that this Crazy affliction is contagious.
Well.. since I asked my father to drive me to Lisa's and he said why and I said because mom kicked me out... he yelled at me and said, "YEAH WELL I'M UR FATHER AND I'M TELLING U UR NOT GOING ANYWHERE!"
So I'm still here.. in my sister's bedroom, listening to my mother yell at me for not cooking matthew's burger properly and hence the burning smell in the kitchen.. ( I'm telling u.. she's mental)
I wish I had enough money to get out of this crazy house. I feel sorry for my little brother and sister and even my father and wonder why the hell I am so homesick when I am in Kingsotn when everytime I return to Toronto my mother has one of her episodes.. crazy... just crazy...
I better call it a night
Gnite
tchocky
umemployed and homeless
So she comes home and she's like let's talk.. ok no first she's all slamming doors like she's 2. Then she's like let's talk... I know what she is doing.. my father inevitably has pissed her off somehow and now she's going to take it out on me.. the first 15 years of my life, I never knew what caused my mom to shit all over me out of the blue but then I got wise to the pattern. Everytime dad is stupid, Tchocky gets berated by mom. Berated is an understatement.. have you ever been scared that a person is going completely insane before your eyes and may never return to sanity? That is my mother.
Anyways.. so she's saying, " is there no way you're not going" and I was like, " there is no way I'm not going" and she's like " becuase if ur father finds out it's going to get worse" (as if she's scaring me) and I was like " I don't care"
and then she was saying things but i kept repeating, " i don't care" and then she was like " fine then leave my house"
wtf?
My mom kicked me out of the house. I was like fine!
But fuck! I have nowhere to go. Sure Di would love to let me stay but her father is so weird, he doesn't let his own family stay with him without some sort of fee. Then of course I could stay with Lisa but her apt is not big enough to house me, her deadbeat father, herself, her mom and her stupidass brothers. I thought about Julia, and she offered as well.. but I really would feel like I was impingeing on her and luc.. if she didn't have a bf I'd probably be on my way to kingston right now.
When I panic, my first instinct is to either call Mani or Amish. Because I know they'd do anything to take care of me. Amish is gone to Europe ( shit shit shit) but I knew that even though Mani and I hadn't talked in a few days because we were busy and because we're still sorting out the break-up he'd listen to me... I woke him up at midnight his time and he talked to me until it was 3am for him ( I saw him falling asleep on me on webcam). He's so sweet. We talked on the phone for the first 2 hours. I kept asking him what I should do, even though I knew he was helpless to help me, it was calming having him on the phone and talking about it. He kept telling me to come to Belgium..AS IF! Then it occurred to me I could stay at my friend Pat's... he would never feel that I was in the way and he has his own apt downtown! I really was going to but Mani was very upset at the idea. argh!
So tonight I was supposed to sleep over at Lisa's because my parents were fighting when the other one got home ( surprise!!! didn't I tell you that she was pissed off at him?!) SO FUCKING LOUD I swear the neighbours heard. My father, is wreckless and irresponsible.. he didn't get his tenants to sign the lease.. so they have been living there for 2 years and have not once paid the utility bill that they agreed to pay. But without a lease we can't prove that that agreement was ever made so now my dad is stuck paying for 2 years or energy consumption. My mom is sooo pissed because she kept pushing him to get those sketchy tenants to sign the lease. Anyways.. I've come to this conclusion. My mom just wants to have control over everything and now that I've made it clear that she has no control over my actions, how I spend my money and that whatever she has to say doesn't concern me, she's decided to use her ultimate power and kick me out. This has done irreparable damage to our relationship.. you know.. I've said this a BILLION times in the past, whenever she went psycho on my ass or even literally whooped my ass.. but this time, I don't really know what she can do to make me want to talk to her normally ever again. I was always comforted by the fact that whenever I needed a place to stay or food to eat she'd always provide it and it would never even be used as a threat. and although I know my mom does not intend for me to move out, I just cannot get over how ABSOLUTELY mental she is. I HAVE to move out, even if it's just for fear that this Crazy affliction is contagious.
Well.. since I asked my father to drive me to Lisa's and he said why and I said because mom kicked me out... he yelled at me and said, "YEAH WELL I'M UR FATHER AND I'M TELLING U UR NOT GOING ANYWHERE!"
So I'm still here.. in my sister's bedroom, listening to my mother yell at me for not cooking matthew's burger properly and hence the burning smell in the kitchen.. ( I'm telling u.. she's mental)
I wish I had enough money to get out of this crazy house. I feel sorry for my little brother and sister and even my father and wonder why the hell I am so homesick when I am in Kingsotn when everytime I return to Toronto my mother has one of her episodes.. crazy... just crazy...
I better call it a night
Gnite
tchocky
umemployed and homeless
Im here if you need me.
Love you sweetie.
Shel
right now I\'m like more depressed that Radihoead have probably landed in the airport on their jet and are getting ready for their performance tomorrow at the Hummingbird Centre.. sigh... money.. or lack thereof.. is the bane of my existance..
tchocky