Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon

Jul 27, 2006 at 08:03 o\clock

UK it is

I've decided I've had it with Canada.. it's fucking boring. yeah yeah no natural disasters, peace, "free" health care blah blah blah.. I can't stand this place anymore.

I've decided that I want to end up in the UK, rainy as it is and, it seems, lacking dental care facilities, I still plan to go there and pay twice as much for everything I'm paying now just so I can surround myself with ppl who talk charmingly funny and create beautiful music.

I still have no idea how I plan to do this. Perhaps I will pursue PhD there? MD?

Oh.. and if the Artic Monkeys or the stupid Muse beat out Thom Yorke for the Mercury prize, I'm going to Africa.


Jul 27, 2006 at 00:49 o\clock

Oh for...

Someone up there really really really really REALLY REALLY REALLY wants me to live an abnormally virtuous and honest life... I SWEAR! I don't know whether to receive such events as blessings in disguise or punishment intended for amusement to the gods... in any case, I'm starting very much to feel like a pawn that just CAN'T MANAGE to escape the potentially escapable..

I don't know when my usually good luck turned to shit

#@$!$%!#%$ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

too angry to talk

Jul 24, 2006 at 06:10 o\clock


Party was a blast.. I was sooo smashed off my face.. and walked away with 3 more goodie bags than the rest, courtesy of the hosts, for my efforts in entertaining the bunch despite my inebriated state..or maybe that was what was so entertaining..

But really, I'll talk about that another time if I feel like divulging details. I'm just posting something up for the fans

A 53-minute documentary on Radiohead OK Computer will be released on September 19th, entitled "Radiohead: OK Computer - A Classic Album Under Review".

A press release from MVD Visual claims it includes never before available material on DVD. "The DVD also includes rare musical performances such as live and studio versions of each song on OK Computer, and Creep from Pablo Honey.

It's packed with obscure footage of comments, criticisms and insights on every track from the album by; writer, journalist, and author of Radiohead: A Guide To Their Music, Mark Paytress; respected rock authority and ex-Mojo editor, Barney Hoskyns; Radiohead biographer Alex Ogg, and more." Bonus Video The Hardest Interactive Radiohead Quiz In The World Ever Full Contributor Biographies Beyond DVD section

ciao bella
her royal tchockiness

Jul 22, 2006 at 04:21 o\clock


So tonight I was supposed to go out with Di, Chris and Chris' friends Lou, Dan, Alex and his gf Olessi who is this russian girl who used to go to my high school who is a year younger than me and when I had class with Alex, he used to confide in me his crush on her. Sooo cute. I bet they'll get married. Two 6 foot tall, good looking russian kids.

Anyways.. change of plans. Of course, I have to do something for my parents tomorrow.. they are so annoying. They always do this as if our plans don't matter. Once Erica was going to go to her uni to do some bill paying for her house next year and shit and at 5 am my mom wakes her up after she went to bed at 2am to tell her what she needs to have done that day. Fuck! So I flew off the handle and my mom starts barking at me because my father is with a guest and he probably heard me angry on the phone. But I feel bad for my dad.. it's not his fault really.. I'm venting at him because of my mom. I just bursted " WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME WHERE I'M GOING OUT? IF I TOLD YOU, YOU WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW THE PLACE.. I MEAN SHIT! WHY ARE YOU ASKING AS IF I'M NOT ALLOWED TO GO OUT? I'M JUST HERE RUNNING ERRANDS FOR YOU GUYS ALL THE TIME!?"

That's not a direct quote. I was much more sarcastic and condescending which is probably what pissed off my mom. So.. in fear that I show up at the bar I was planning to go to and to get hammered because of my mom.. not something I wanna do infront of Chris' friends.

Cuz I did that last night you see? I ran out of my house to join Lisa, Treldon and Jobo and ordered a pitcher of beer for myself ( which I offered to anyone who wanted to drink but they really must have felt that I ordered it for myself because I literally chugged that thing, complaining about my mother the whole time).. I also burned my tongue with suicide wings and hot french fries... AND THEN TRELDON PAID FOR ALL OF IT! AND THEN SOME! IN CASE WE ORDERED MORE!.... that guy.... I is he still single!!?!?!??

SHE'S SO NOSY IT DRIVES ME CRAZY! Like I caught her looking through my bank statements.. I'm glad she saw. I have money enough to pay for my trip now. HAH! take that! scary mother..

Di has this really pretty friend Teresa (she's three years younger than us which is why I can't remember her from high school)  who I met once at a party Di threw this summer and she calls me yesterday to invite me to her bday party tomorrow.. how cute is that? Di told me she left a msg on Di's cell asking for my number cuz she wanted to invite me. Well of course I'm going now.. she's practically a stranger and she called me personally to her party. Anyways, I'm excited to meet her bf. He's apparently a hardcore Radiohead fan. He's a promoter and managed to get tickets to BOTH shows and he expressed his excitement to her when on the second night they debuted material for the first time in Toronto. I remember I WAS raving about that and I didn't even get to go! But I made sure to pass around the clip of it that was circulating the internet :D

Anyways! She asked me.. did you get that lead singer's new solo album?

pssh... she obviously doesn't know me much.
He's bought it and is listening to it in his car.. I'M SO EXCITED I FINALLY HAVE SOMEONE TO DISCUSS THIS ALBUM WITH!

Anyways.. i think she really likes this guy because apparently she used to be a heartbreaker but is sticking around for this one.

Her whole fam is really nice. I got to meet all of them at Di's mom's bday party. Her brother our age, John, (who is surprisingly proficient in Korean) must think I'm an alchy cuz he kept laughing at my penchant for the wine.. I really didn't want to give off that impression but there were like 20 bottles! and no one was drinking them! I couldnm't let it go to waste... although I accidently starting drinking the cooking wine in my haste and UGH! I had to spit that shit out.

Ok.. I'm rambling. I'm waiting for Lisa to call me back, I'm dropping over at her house so the night won't be a total bust. I won't be getting drunk or getting in at 2am.. her and trelly rented Dave Chappelle's block party

Oh one more thing, I feel like my jaws are lopsided although everyone assures me that it's undetectable because of a persistent wisdom tooth that had stopped bothering me for a couple of months and is now back with a vengeance.. and the only reason I won't take it out sooner is becuase I don't want to look like a chipmunk should thom yorke gaze out into the I have to wait until school starts.. Iknow.. I'm so vain. My only concern now is that allowing this tooth to grow in for the next month and a half will cause a shift in the topography of my teeth... which is devastating because my teeth are really nice! And I've never ever wanted braces.. even when my other friends wanted them because all these kids were suddenly getting them in second grade.. :(
Also, this "gold" vintage earring of my mothers has FUCKED UP my left ear lobe.. so that is slightly lopsided too... dammit.. I can't believe I was thinking of going out on the town tonight.

Oh and another thing. I taught my little tiny students how to download Naruto episodes instead of having to listen to the dubbed version on YTV... yeah.. well I totally forgot that the YTV version edits out all the profanities and perverted stuff ... fuck.. I'm going to get fired....

Gotta get ready now!



Jul 19, 2006 at 05:06 o\clock

Trading Seminar

The other day, I was listening to the radio and I heard an advert about a trading seminar that was taking place in Toronto. I was intrigued.. I've always wanted to play the market but I had no idea what Nasdaq, Dow Jones or NYSE, TSE meant. Well I registered for a 2 hour seminar and dragged my little sister with me as all my friends had other, more exciting plans this evening. I don't expect them to understand why I'm interested.

In any case, I'm really glad I went. I can't wait to start exercising it although I really want to take the full course that includes simulations and such. Only I'll be back at the shithole of all shithole places next year doing my Masters and will not be able to exercise my trading capabilities :( I really think I'm business savvy and am really excited at the prospect of making money off FOREX.. they trade trillions of dollars worldwide IN ONE DAY!

oh.. too long to explain but DON'T INVEST IN MUTUAL FUNDS! If you knew how much the banks were making money off you with that and all you pocket is a measly 6% that is IF you don't take money out ( otherwise they'll slap you with penalties) you'd be FURIOUS!

I think Amish should sign up with me, he's completely business savvy. There are men who hate parting with their money or risking even the slightest amount in fear of losing chump change. That is not Amish. I know we'd get REALLY good at trading and if I had a friend who was into it like I was, I know i'd be more motivated to go to all the simulations and seminars and such.

Anyways, one thing that threw me off guard was... well... one comment he made.
He was talking about observing what was going on in the world to take advantage of opportunities and one thing he said was,

" What about Israel? Israel just bombed Lebanon.. what a time to by options in oil.. "

True. I mean, the price of oil is expected to jump to 1.30 in two weeks but shit! How can I, in all good conscienceness, buy this commodity without selling my soul to the devil. It just seems wrong that I should cash in on devastating circumstances of others. So I made a promise to myself that I would try my best not to exploit misfortunes of others ( although.. that would be what I would be doing whenever I sold my stocks) ... but you know.. NOT SO BLATANTLY!

Oil is out of the question for me. That shit happening in the mideast.. it's fucked up.. fucked up. To put it eloquently.

Afterwards, my little sister, who had complained about me taking her to this seminar was so excited at the prospects she couldn't stop yammering about it in the car. We went to go get some pastry and stuff to treat ourselves after. I think when I start to trade seriously, I'll join forces with my little sister.. she seems just as ambitious if not more so than me.

Trying to explain this to my mom is a headache though... she just knocks my ideas. She's so conservative she believes you have to just work hard. I look at how hard my parents have worked and then think about all their expenses with four children and what have you and I think she could have gotten better for herself with less effort.

In any case.. back to the book stores.. I need more books on trading to fill my curious brain this summer.

ta ta!
bonafide nerd

Jul 18, 2006 at 17:04 o\clock

Tentative order

After days of listening to the Eraser, I've finally put it in the order of my fave to least fave although really all are great.. he's a genius.

1) Harrowdown Hill

2) Skip Divided

3) The Clock

4) Analyse

5) Atoms for Peace

6) The Eraser

7) Black Swan

8) And it rained all night

9) Cymbal Rush

It's so great. You really appreciate who the genius of Radiohead is, if there was at all any doubt.

Order subject to change at any time without notification.



"The more you try to erase me, the more that I appear " - Thom Yorke

Jul 18, 2006 at 04:55 o\clock

Irritated by know it alls

First there is my uncle.. my mother's brother... I wont' even get into that. I like him but fuck is he ever annoying.. he's just a big bag of wind that guy.. expert on everything he knows nothing about.

I've started to see this in my mother.. I don't know how I didn't see it before.. it must be from my mother's side of the fam.. although my grandfather.. he ACTUALLY is ALWAYS right.. :)

Next are my stupid bosses..THEY REALLY TAKE THE CAKE!.. I'M SO UPSET.. i swear

Lemme tell you two fun things I had to go through..
Ok.. so the mini field trip to the sugar museum..


Would you like to know how my bosses do it? They stack the child's seat on top of the car seat see... and then, they bring the car seat belt and put it over the kid without securing the child seat to the car seat.. I find this very contrary TO THE POINT OF THE CARSEAT YOU SEE.. DON'T YOU!?

In the event that he should suddenly brake, not only will the big car seatbelt choke the kid going forward, but also, the kid has an additional weight ( that being the FUCKING CAR SEAT) pushing him/her from behind.. BECAUSE IT'S NOT FUCKING SECURED ON THE FUCKING SEAT!

*DEEP BREATHS* !!!!!!!!!!!!

So here we are arguing about the relative UNsafety of their methods of securing children into car seats. Exasperated I finally ask them " THEN WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THE LITTLE SEAT BELT THAT IS BUILT INTO THE CHILD'S SEAT!?!?

With that, my boss said nothing, pulled the car seatbelt over the kid and proceeded to ignore all my pleas and started the ignition. I would have complained to the children's parents but I am starting to wonder if they would care either. Is this just the traditional chinese method of strapping in their kids? The other boss straps his own daughter in that way too.. I swear I don't understand them.

So here I am, in the passenger seat... just dying.. thinking about the kids and their precarious position. Finally, I decided to break the ice with the dumbass and things WERE back to normal UNTIL we got back to the centre and I asked him to send me a forward of the pictures he uploaded onto his computer of the trip today.

He looks at me quizzically and says, " what do you want with them?" and I, a little stunned said, " um.. for memories?"... he says to me

" well how do I know what you are going to do with them?"

" pardon me?" (genuinely confused and not aware of what he was implying)

" Well.. you might post them up on the internet later and do weird things to them"



fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck1

and if it weren't for all the cute puffy faced children, and the fact that I'm in credit card debt and refuse to let my parents pay for my trip.. I WOULD TOTALLY TELL THEM TO KISS MY KOREAN ASS!


Edit: and anohter thing! My bosses keep staring at my feet... I GET IT OK! I HAVE BIG FREAKING FEET GET OVER IT ALREADY!

Jul 16, 2006 at 20:12 o\clock

Complicated Dating Scene

Today I went to go pick up my face creams at the post office at Shoppers. Then, as I left the building I was accosted by this man in a Mercedes just outside. I think he must have been atleast 10 years older than me. He whistled and I looked over at him wondering what he was whistling at. I hadn't even showered yet, I had no make up on, I wore my glasses and track pants with a green top -- in other words.. I was so ugly.

 Then I stopped walking and he stopped driving. Then, I started walking again and he started driving. I don't remember the rest but I remember thinking " god, he must get laid by really stupid gold-diggers all the time" because his attitude was that he was rich, alright looking, why wouldn't I? Similar to his reasoning that I'm a girl, I've got boobs, why wouldn't he? Because really, I'm ugly today.

 Are standards so low now that all we need to ask ourselves is " why not?" to consider dating someone? I seriously hope not. Although I am a bit of a commitment-phobe, I think I'm an incorrigible romantic and really the problem is, I believe in things like love-at-first-sight and fairy-tale stories and i'm not happy with real-life relationships. If the dating scene now has been reduced to " why not" and comments like, " I'd do her/him" then I don't want any part of it. It's disgusting.

 That's why despite the drama in celebrity romances, I think their relationships to each other must be so romantic. First of all.. being famous, your face is all over the place and so ur always put out there on the market should you be single.

 I have lovely gfs who have not dated as much as they would have if their faces were as well known. I mean, with all the suitors at your feet, you are bound to find ONE that's really perfect, no?

 I spoke briefly to my friend Jobo (who happens to be my most eligible bachlorette friend)  about dating and how ppl get into the dating scene. I think that girls are kinda screwed when it comes to finding someone who isn't a friend ( cuz i refuse to date friends anymore) and who is normal.

Finding out that he's normal is hard work too I think. The ideal situation is that ur at a party and u get introduced or approached by someone who is a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend... just to be safe, --of a friend. When ur at a club and some really cute guy wants ur number, an automatic reflex of my gfs and I seem to be " i've got a bf". Even when it's not true... actually.. scratch that.. my gfs give away their numbers :s Ok.. some of them do some of them don't. But I'm very apprehensive. I'd be giving my number to someone I don't know at all. How do I know he's not going to turn out to be an obsessive crazy stalker? it's frightening.

And if a guy starts dancing with you, you don't know if he's just trying to get some sort of signal from you that you'd like to talk and get to know each other or if he's a pervert and he wants to just get off on dancing close and etc etc. So just to be safe, you say no again! I'd say, start off with going to better venues than clubs but where else do masses of gorgeous ppl come together for the sheer purpose of checking other ppl out?

 Ideally, I think I'd love to meet someone at a place like a museum or book store but if they're anything like me, they're not there to meet ppl, they just want to find their book/magazine or get to see some priceless artifact before they die. Although once this really awkward guy tried to converse with me and I was really.. er.. irritated and bored to tears. It went like this:

" Um.. what kinds of things.. um.. where do you live?"

Hello? do I know you? and he rambled on and on and I just kept looking to walk away somehow. I was young and probably wouldn't be as rude now but you get the picture.. it's always awkward.. you don't know what to do and it just goes to shit.

Actually, come to think of it, this happened when I was in high school.. I think it's so much harder meeting guys in your twenties than it is in your teens. Gisele Bunchen ( for those of you who don't know, she's an uber famous brazilian model who dated Leonardo DiCaprio for awhile) said that she had men falling at her feet when she was 16, 17 ( say it with me ppl.. ugh) but now that she's 25 not so much! So she claims to be past her prime and too old now :s

I'm 24 now and that sucks.

I dunno. I think it's harder and harder to find someone nice to spend time with in today's dating scene. My friend Li and a bunch of her friends have taken to the internet for dating. There has a lot of stigma attached to it in the past but I think it's just becoming a reality now.. a social norm even..but it seems to be really effective. Well.. if ur interested in short term things, it seems. Lisa has met and dated 3 guys ( ok there is one in the workings right now).. albeit, it was fleeting but she's had opportunities to actually talk and get to know the guy before they decide to meet. Although she's ridiculously awkward ( it's cute though) as she's told guys that she won't call them if they give her their number and that she won't pick up if they call her :s.... she's so shy.. it's very amusing..

Anyways.. I don't like the idea of internet dating for myself. Half the fun is having some guy see you at a random location somewhere and want to get to know you and try to get you to trust them with your phone number. Like the movies.. so romantic right? It's all flattering and narcissism but it's still romantic..So, what's a girl to do? Give creeps in shiny expensive cars a shot because, I might as well?

 Ugh.. no thanks. I'd rather be single.



 "it's not like the movies.. they fed us on little white lies" - thom yorke

Jul 15, 2006 at 06:01 o\clock

Feeling... funny

Lately, I've been really.. anxious to say the least. I just can't seem to calm myself. I have to constantly preoccupy myself with SOMETHING.. and not just menial tasks.. menial tasks can't prevent me from thinking too much and inevitably I'll forget what task I'm performing and injure myself. I mean I have been playing guitar, reading oodles of books, I can't stop myself from doing something and when I'm not doing anything, I feel totally lost. Maybe I've become extremely efficient in just a short amount of time and this is something to be celebrated..

On the other hand, I was watching Oprah the other day, and she thinks ( and yes, Oprah is a guru for u non-believers) that this stress is brought on by some form of depression.

Why the hell would I be depressed? Maybe I'm depressed cuz all my close friends are really busy or out of the country.. still doesn't explain anything. This feeling coincides with the time right around when I started working... do I really hate my job that much? I kinda do. I love the kids but.. ugh.. not going to discuss something I was about to rant about just out of sheer inconvenience and I'll probably let it do my head in.

So nix the depression thing, I think Oprah is not talking about me. I can't imagine it. There is nothing wrong with my life right now.. I'm at the most relaxed and peaceful place I've been in my life for a while now. I might be anxious about my trip to Paris or it might be the fact that I am not able to get my hands on a few music mags that I'm dying to get but can't find anywhere regardless of where I go! arhg! I should be living in the UK... or maybe I just feel useless because my holidays are stretching too long. This is the first holiday where I haven't been preoccupied doing things.

I dunno.. I dunno! What is the point of having all these english words at my disposal if I cannot adequately articulate my thoughts!? A total waste of time...

I hope you find some amusement in my useless entry atleast.

Sigh.. I'm going to indulge in wine after I pick my little sister up from the movies ( I mean seirously why does she have to go all the way downtown to watch a stupid movie! and now i have to drive all her little friends home cuz I don't want her waiting for me alone! )

And another thing. I've been finding myself wanting to drink wine everytime I get like this. Because you see, wine is my friend and I love her/him. It's really concerning, I can't imagine myself ever growing dependent on any substance.. although the other day, I had my first cup of coffee at work in a looong time ( remember how I was trying to ween myself off Redbull?) and I was SOOOOO HAPPY. My body went into this " aaaaah.. oh my gosh..." mode and then since then I've been frantically searching for coffee at work. Amish always warns me of my addictive personality. He says I get obsessive over drink, cigarettes ( I'm not a smoker) , music ( guilty as charged), collecting, germs and he fears other things to come. while I acknowledge my obsessive nature ( I can look up things on the internet on one band for days, not just Radiohead, and disinfect items 900 times a day), I cannot fathom growing a dependence on anything :s

So what the hell can it be? I mean serously today is the first day in 5 days I havent' had coffee so maybe I'm going through a coffee withdrawal.

:( I dunno.. I hope I figure it out soon before I end up really confused and messed up. I hate being so introspective. And while I find ppl who never think and don't really question their lives really weird and quite frankly, a bit of a waste, I've never wished more that I could be like one.

Let's hope I get past this phase soon

Hope everyone else still has their head screwed on properly


Rock En Seine... Paris... can't... wait... Thom...Jonny...Phil...Colin...Ed...

Jul 14, 2006 at 06:10 o\clock


A couple nights ago, I was really bored and decided to email a bunch of ppl I haven't talked to in awhile. I wrote Rachelle, I wrote Brianna, oh! and of course I wrote Amish, I often do cuz I'm always so curious about where the hell everyone is in Europe and his emails are always super funny so I love getting them when I'm on break. I mailed Mani to see how he's enjoying England with his brother. Then I emailed my ex ex ex Eric. he's so immature. I remember he had a problem with my putting pics of Mani up on msn even though we had been broken up for YEARS and all that stupidness and he hadn't signed on to msn in soo long but when he does he just sits and waits for me to msg and when I refuse to give in he signs out. Like seriously this guy is 5 years older than me and he acts like he's 13. I started the email off with

First of all, I think you're a really crappy friend but I wanted to email you and discuss the Eraser

Anyways the only reason I mailed him was because I really wanted to discuss Thom Yorke's new album " the Eraser" which i think is brilliant... not for strictly guitar ppl .. must love their recent electronic influences. But his voice is lovely and he's just a complete genius. He put together the worlds and lyrics AFTER he had bits of music alreayd which would seem like an impossible task.. but he made things fit so perfectly.. it's disgusting. My friend Geoff said, " aw man, I thought it would be Thom just singing with his acoustic but I guess that is just wishful thinking"

omg.. how can he really not have known this? Get over it ppl! The Bends was in 1995.. he's evolved and moved on!

Anyways, then I headed over to my friend Geoff's house with a six pack of Guinness ( ech.. I got to drink his Budweiser) and mostly ALL my Radiohead assets ( which is oodles.. we couldn't get through all of them so I left something like 18  CD/DVDs there. He kept pushing his U2 crap on me and tells me that he always has to defend them and that it's annoying..

I guess U2 can be good... if you're 99 years old and like elevator music. They were good back in the day for that day but now they keep writing the same bullshit song over and over. And they say that about the Rolling Stones ( which is true but they are not in denial about it)..ok whatevs I don't hate... soft rock on peops

Sometimes, I'm surprised that Geoff is such a Radiohead fan considering all the other garbage he listens to. He gets so angry at me but I really think that if anything sounds like a Radiohead song from the Bends he thinks they are the next best thing. I told him that to be the next best thing, bands can't just go and obviously rip off someone's sound and try to be relevant on that alone. Yeah back in the Creep days Radiohead got enough grief about ripping off The Smiths, REM and one song, Stop Whispering, sounds too much like a U2 song. But then they found their own sound and just catapulted and left everyone else in their dust.

If what made a band great was simply just to steal the sound of an already Great band then we'd all be great rock stars now, wouldn't we? Chee.. he doesn't seem to get it. He's like, "stop comparing all these bands to Radiohead" as if I'm just crazy and do that on purpose. The reason for the comparisons ( he's talking Coldplay and this Cdn band called Pilate, which by the way, basically cut pieces of OKC and Bends together and tried to sound EXACTLYL like thom yorke) and I'm like.. well if they tried to rip off Oasis' sound ( which sucked after the first two albums) then I would make that comparison.. but they aren't! And he's so surprised that Pilate doesn't sell out shows.. they are so transparent.. not all of us like recycled half-ass cut and paste jobs!

I hate talking to ppl who listen to soft rock and wish everyone sounded the same and think they are big time music connoiseurs... I don't pretend to be one, I'm always the first to admit it when I like a song, even the most cheesiest kind.. but I am really picky and am brutally honest.

ew.. this guy likes bands like Dashboard confessional, what else was there... Muse... blech..

then he has the nerve to accuse me of only listening to Radiohead. He's like.. I have a 150 CDs.. well.. so what! I have like 500! What does that prove? That I like to spend more money than you! that's what!

Currently, I'm listening to a lot of The Verve, Beck, Velvet underground, PJ Harvey, DJ Shadow, The Smiths and other 80's bands and some little UK bands (keeping an eye out for something special) and the Beatles.. even their cheesy shit, I love the Beatles. I would have totally been Lennon's Yoko :P er.. she's kinda scary.. I'll be May pang

anyways, it bothers me when ppl who I think listen to shit, try to sell me the relevance of their favourite band. But I'm such an asshole because when I try to explain the relevance of Radihoead in the music world and ppl don't get it, I end up exasperated and feel sorry for them that they have no ear for music. This is a double standard, I realize but FFS ppl it's Radiohead. .. ugh.. nevermind.. keep listening to ur Muse.

In other news, Syd Barrett died the other day.. what a sad story his is.. it's just unfortunate.

Oh! But I had so much fun at Geoff's. we drank beer and he played Radiohead songs ( he's soooo good! really bang on!.. only OKC and the bends but I LOVE them.. anything is great to hear live) and sang and traded Radiohead paraphernalia. This has inspired me to get on with learning the guitar and at a faster pace.

Alright. I have to get going now. I'm currently reading "The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay" I read it about 5 years ago but I don't think I appreciated it enough cuz I almost forgot everything. I'm also eyeing two books at Chapters/Indigo ... really excited. Also tomorrow I get to go to a sugar museum at a sugar factory.. yay... fun... *smacks head with palm*

I'll talk to you later!


Jul 12, 2006 at 07:29 o\clock



Jul 11, 2006 at 08:02 o\clock

A really stupid error

Today my friend Julia called me. I haven't spoken to her in THREE weeks. Well mostly because I kept dialing the wrong area code (stupid me) but I should have noticed she hadn't called me either. Well I did but I thoguht it was because she was so busy with her bf Luc.

It seems that she was upset at me but got over it and decided to confront me on it. Basically, I forwarded her an email that contained an email I wrote to another friend and I had mentioned in that letter, and I quote, that I hated Julia's bf.

She just got on the phone with me and said, " why do you hate luc?"
I was SO STUNNED. And then she told me about my forward and I just felt so bad. Really it sounds worse than it really is. My rants about things, a lot of them are exaggerated and so I pick on Luc because it's very easy to pick on him (because he did some really stupid things at the very beginning of their relationship that tainted him in the good books of everyone who loves Julia, her dad included). Then Julia seemed to be earnest and said, " I just want to know if it's something I'm not seeing. My dad doesn't like him either.. you would tell me right?"

How do you tell someone that their bf just doesn't measure up to them in ur eyes. I mean it's obvious because she's one of my closest friends and I am not close with him but really really, I know ppl always wonder how Luc got her. Ok. I just realized I made it sound like he either cheated on her or beat her. It was neither of those things. He's not evil or anything. I'm the first to admit that... he just fired her twice when she worked for him ( he was a phD student and she was volunteering as a bachelor's student) and he fired her because she wouldn't date him. This behaviour convinced me that he was a lunatic.. a very obsessive and selfish one at that. Since then, it's been really tough trying to get used to the idea that he's so important to Julia. I felt that it was selfish to express my... er.... disapproval because it seems I solely just feel that Julia is too good for him and that isn't something I thought my friend wanted to hear. Especially since she had/has such a hard time convincing her father and friends that he's a good guy. Her father's words were, " Julia.. don't you think he's a bit... off?" which was what I was thinking too but it's not for me to decide who she dates.

I just feel so shitty because I know she thoguht that atleast I approved despite her father's disapproval and ppl's disapproving looks. That is what I'm sorry about most.. that I made Julia sad.

In any case, I did get to know him a bit and realized he wasn't such a thoughtless selfish guy but I never really was comfortable and I exaggerated my disapproval of him and it somehow found it's way on paper... or e-paper.. which I MYSELF sent to my friend.

I feel like such an idiot.

But Julia is really cool and she understands how I am and I'm really lucky that she's cool with it now. I think I learned that I need to be more careful about how I express myself and I really should tone down on the melodrama. It sends wrong msgs and if Julia had never confronted me about this, she would have gone on thinking that I hated her bf more than I really did.

So take  two things from this:

1.Reserve ur emotions and ur melodrama  for not -so-public settings

2. Reread emails ur forward.

feel like a heel

Jul 10, 2006 at 04:49 o\clock

I changed my mind

It has been brought to my attention by the French media through the French players that Materazzi used racial slurs to inflame the great Zizou.

I hope the Italians are happy for their cheap win fraught with mediocrity. With one man down and in the absence of Henry, Ribery, Viera and Zidane, they STILL could only do what they are known to do--boringly defend and hope for soemthing good.

And I share the sentiment with Ballas who wants to punch Materazzi's face in.

And I agree with Trezeguet that Zizou should still be able to walk away with his head held high while Materazzi ( who Trezeguet refers to as the "other one") "cannot because there is more to life than soccer"

Filthy mouth, filthy win.
I can't believe a team that sent Fifa a videoclip of the Germany/Argentina match to get an opponent disqualified for their match against Germany would end up taking the world cup... DIRTY! SHAMELESS!

Apparently, Materazzi is known for being an instigator and saying very racist things during games to his opponents.. what a nasty bitch.
I hope that headbutt hurt, you bitch.


Jul 10, 2006 at 03:27 o\clock

World Cup


Lemme think..oh yes! The World Cup... hmmm... searching.. thinking... what stood out at this world cup... damn... OH YES! THAT'S RIGHT! ZINEDINE ZIDANE DECIDED TO END HIS SPECTACULAR CAREER AND LEGACY BY CHARGING INTO MATERAZZI .. WITH HIS HEAD NO LESS!

Then get red carded!
Oh right! and subsequently HAND OVER the World Cup to the Italians.

Good job I say!

Crazy idiot.

I'M SO PISSED! and my sister is INCONSOLABLE! and now! I cannot go to sleep because all of the Italians in Toronto are belching out their celebratory beers even though they played like shit and what's worse is that despite the fact that France dominated the whole match, tghey totally deserved it... why?


ARGH! HOW FRUSTRATING! Not only because we love the frenchies but because he would have left such a great legacy. Now when the future generations talk about him, they won't forget to add that clip of Zidane impersonating... A FUCKING COW!

idiot! or how you say in French?. idiote!
I'm out of here!

Jul 7, 2006 at 02:51 o\clock


There are a few ironic things about my work place that makes me think it's crap. I don't know why it bothers me. Ok here is the deal. The owner of this tutoring place for little kids is a nice dude. His daughter is in my class. But like.. he tries to convince me that his business is absolutely critical for young minds and right now I'm doing this little tutoring thing teaching children nutrition and correct dieting and exercise.

 But on a recent field trip strawberry picking, we went to lunch at.. where else? McDonalds! He ordered deep fried nuggets and fries for everyone! Including their own carbonated soft drink or sugar saturated iced tea. I don't know why I'm the only one with the bewildered face.. anything to make a buck huh?

Then, during lunch time the centre provides the lunch for the kids.. the kids pay a lot but what do they do? they buy 2 combos of fried noodles with pork and split it between the kids. So here are the kids, chowing down on cheap food with absolutely no nutritive value and this dude is talking on the phone with one of the kid's concerned mother. I have a little cute chubby boy in my class and his mother really wants him to learn something about it. So the guy is talking to his mother about something the centre provides and talks to her about how they are taught about BMI measurements. Um.. like.. I had to make up that lesson plan and I had just briefed him on it in the morning. err!

I don't know why but the hypocrisy just gets to me. I mean, if he was just a jerk and he knew he was just after a buck I wouldn't care but when he speaks, he genuinely believes that his school can solve all these problems and that it's wonderful. now THAT is bullshit my friends.

It was really cute at McDonalds though, a nine-year old girl was eating her nugget and she looked at me and started giggling and shot her hand holding the half-eaten nugget straight into the air and said, " hee hee hee.. this has no nutrition!" .. I nearly exploded with laughter but had to hold it in cuz my boss was right there. Good. I just smiled at her and wanted to hug her.

Next on the list of ironies at this place: the staff bathroom -- smells like roses.. but the soap they dispense smells like shit.. literally! I always look around to see if a kid pooed just outside the door when I push on the soap button. Now I'm prepared. I take my own soap.

 Speaking of things that don't fit, I finished reading Angels and Demons a couple nights ago. I have to say, I like the Da Vinci code much better. I'm going to be spoiling the book after this sentence so if you haven't read Angels and Demons yet, don't continue until I write.. "You can start reading again" .

Anyways. Everyone I spoke to seemed to like Angels and Demons better so I got SO EXCITED because I LOVED the Da Vinci Code. But, doesn't it seem just a bit implausible? I feel like he had an idea about the characters and made them fit a certain character in our heads and then as he was writing, changed his mind.. and then changed his mind again about who Janus would be. And then again! And like, did I find it implausible about an antimatter bomb counting down to detonation on top of St. Peter's tomb in the Vatican all executed by an Illuminati Mastermind? No! Not even that! But when the focus shifted to the Camerlengo flying the helicopter in the sky and jumping out to land on the Vatican roof and Robert Langdon flying into the ocean using a tarp or some shit.. even then I was riveted. But when it turned out to be the Camerlengo who was Janus.. I mean like SHIT!

 What more, I don't think that Dan Brown did his research right on artificial insemination. Correct me if I'm wrong ( which I might be here because I'm not very aware of what is going on with In Vitro Fertilization these days) but when you fertilize egg with sperm, I thought that they had to fertilize many eggs with many sperms and then only one survives ..well.. er.. entering the uterus. Something like that. Does it make any sense to you, that this priest and nun who love each other decided to exterminate potential life to make sure they followed through on their vows to stay chaste? Seriously.. and this guy thanked so many scientists for their help on explaining all that anti-matter stuff...


Alright.. well I'm out of time but I just wanted to add one more thing. GOOOOOOOO FRANCE! I seriously SERIOUSLY SEROUSLY WANT FRANCE TO WIN. They were my second fave after Korea and I really want them to beat the Italians.. Mey... what was it about ur friend calling the Portugese cheaters? I thought it was the Italians paying off refs and moving them around..Not only that, but I hate their dirty playing and all their antics such as spitting on the Dutch etc etc. Italians can thank Totti for making them look so classy on the soccer field. I can't believe Germany lost to them. Also, my sister Erica has this horrible crush on Zizou ( he IS pretty hot) .. he's 15 years her senior. :s ALLEZ FRANCE! Love the French! I wish I were in Paris now to see the World Cup excitement there. lates tchocky

EDIT: ok.. I kinda feel bad for my boss.. u never know.. maybe he's secretly sad because this business of his wasn't the way he imagined it to be.. that kinda breaks my heart. Send ur kids to this place! er.. but I won't tell u.. in case ur a weird stalker type dude.

Jul 3, 2006 at 06:51 o\clock

Canada Day

Well Canada day was filled with drama but not because of Di's party. I never ended up going. My mother was outside washing bok-choi to make kim-chi when she suddenly had a dizzying spell.

 She was lying down in her bed and she asked us to check her bp. My mother.. god where do I start. She has a bazillion things that are wrong with her starting with hyperthyroidism, renal failure, hypertension, low hemoglobin count... then main things of concern has been her high blood pressure and her subsequent kidney failures.

 This always puts me on edge. Everytime we fight the first though always is, " fuck, I'm going to give my mom a stroke" .. it's the most dreadful feeling ever. Anyways, her bp had plummeted to the point that the blood wasn't reaching her brain and opening her eyes made her so dizzy she was nauseous. I called the nurse to see whether or not I should call the ambulance. The nurse advised me to ( surprise surprise). This has happened in the past, sometimes her bp plummeting and sometimes it skyrocketing. I remember she was on the highway when it rocketed and she was so disoriented, the fire trucks and ambulances had to get her off the road and rush her to a hospital. I'm always there when this happens too.. it's crushing. I remember following the ambulances off the highway unable to see through all my tears. It's just awful.  I try to tell her that she'll be ok and it's just precautionary so that's why the paramedics are strapping her into a stretcher and wheeling her into the ambulance. When things like this happen to ur mom, it's the most gut-wrenching, burn-a-hole-through-your-heart feeling.

Anyways, I accompanied my mom on the ambulance AGAIN.. it never ever gets easier. I try to stop myself from thinking about the worst case scenarios but you know I always do and then water just starts sprouting out of my eyes. I had to grab a whole bunch of tissues in the back of the ambulances so I could wipe my face cuz I didn't want my mom to know I was crying. It wasn't very tough, she couldn't open her eyes for fear of vomiting ( which she did as we entered the hospital) and the ambulance is loud. I called Di in the ambulance and told her I couldn't make it to the party. She was so sweet and understanding. She was going to send her mom ( who is a nurse) to take care of my mom.. but she's in Montreal right now.

Anyways, we called my father before we headed off to the hospital. My father was in a golf tournament ( which he would have won again had he played) but he never got a chance to :( I felt bad but this was definitely more important. btw.. the fucking wait time was 12 fucking hours! She got a room right away and she was hooked up to oxygen and IV and this thing that monitored her bp and heart but FUCK FUCK FUCK! there were no fucking doctors! and I hate the fucking admin there, I wanted to punch all of them in the face. Except this one sweet nurse.. I could go on about how I hate these assholes.. but let me spare you.

So I spent most of my day at the hospital, my father let me go home for a few hours and then I went back for her. All of these ppl called and came because my father left the golf course early,.. word spreads like wildfire.

What might be interesting to note is, two days before this debacle, I got into an argument with my mom in the car about my credit card bill.. because I hated that she was trying to forget about what happened like she always does.. and then hope that I'm not pissed anymore. When we argued, she said, " you are so bad, you know that ur sisters never argue with each other and you are the only one they argue with? You're just like ur father, ur grandparents think so too " (as for my sisters arguing with me.. they used to defend my mother when we fought but changed sides when I went to uni and they realized that she was crazy and picked on the available person who would fight back) and I was like, " do you think u are hurting me with all this? you think they don't all agree with me that you are crazy and you do this to yourself?" ... I think that I made my mother cry ( here is where you all decide that I am a vicious fucking bitch)

 They were vicious attacks on each other and yet I was so upset that my mother thought that I was never concerned about her. I thought alot about it and I thought that I was being very harsh albeit in response to her harshness but I don't think I should do that to my mom. I'm not the only one that harps on my mother.. she has to deal with my whole family who just isn't as perfect like she'd like us to be. Even if she is nasty, I know it's a result of buried anger and anxiety.. well.. cuz.. u know.. she's crazy. Weird things drive her insane.(Namely dad.. I love him but he's a neanderthal)  But you know.. she's my mom and I felt that I owed it to her to let her know that I do care about her.

So when I got home, I called her and I said that I was sorry that I was so nasty in the car. She was so taken aback she was silent.. as if I were joking or something. Then she apologized to me ( which is FUCKING WEIRD) and she said, " I guess we are making things hard for each other" and it was true. But I had to explain myself further and I told her that despite how selfish she thinks I am, whenever we do fight, I'm always angrier at myself in the back of my head and that I'm always scared that I'm going to be the final cause of her death. This surprisingly made me cry ( and I fucking hate getting emotional infront of the crazy woman) but this made my mom really happy I think. And it's ok. Even more than I wanted an apology or for her to be reasonable ( which is unlikely in most cases), I wanted her to know that she's important to me and I know how much she sacrifices herself ( literally) and her body to make things easier for us.

It's funny.. I was thinking about it a lot in the hospital.. I was thinking, " God? Isn't this the kind of scare you're supposed to give me when I HAVEN'T made nice with my mom?"

and also...what if we hadn't made up and my mother had died? ( which she easily could have since her kidney stopped working temporarily) Pride seems so stupid but you would never think it.. at the time ur in that argument, defending your position seems to be the most important thing. Maybe. But not against someone you love. You always hear about those ppl who regret not making good before someone's death and it seems so cliche but I bet that is the one inconsolable thing in the universe. I'm determined never to be in that position again. We got home at 1:00am. I'm glad my mom is home. She is still OCD clean so insists on doing things around the house. I guess some craziness can't be prevented with near death experiences. But atleast now I've learned to accept it. Hope you'll all take steps to patch things up with a loved one. Take care, tchocky

Jul 1, 2006 at 14:45 o\clock


Well, I had a ton of things to write about but I can't think of ANY at the moment... strangely enough. My last few days have been non-stop.. unfortunately, it's been muddied with parking tickets, unfinished chores, two tanks of expensive gas and a lot of profanities from my end. I hope I'll have fun today. It's Canada day for those who aren't Cdn. I'll be helping Dianne set up for her party. I really don't have anything to offer that she's not already making so I think I'll bring za booze-a. mmmmmmmmmmmmm.. can't wait..

There are apparently only 15 of us going. All of Chris' friends are coming but Di's friends apparently all had previous plans.. which sucks cuz I really wanted to see my old friends from high school again in one place.

Anyways.. i dunno why I'm up so early.. actually wait I do.. I was so exhausted, I fell asleep at like 10. I thought my friend Pat had a gig last night and I was all prepared to go tothe show when I checked my emails for directions and realized his next show wasn't until the 2nd. :s.. I missed a soca jam with Lisa and Maria for this non-show.

 I still have to get my eyebrows done etc etc. AAAHH! I have that Pet Shop Boys song stuck in my head: You're always on my mind. It was playing on the radio. Sorry. I digress.

Ok.. well I'm sorry that this entry turned out to be so uneventful even though I swear I had things to talk or complain about. Cuz you know tchocky.. ever the bitcher :P

OK! That said, I'm going to get going and get started on the preening regiment. Maybe I'll write tomorrow.. depending on how bad I've been ;) I'm not about to let scandalous self accounts ruin my chances for presidency. Oh booze...

tchocky pocky