Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon

Jun 25, 2006 at 23:19 o\clock

Am I missed?

Why hello.
How is everyone?

Ok so where to begin.. as the whole world knows now, Korea were defeated by the Swiss (heartbreak) but we're still proud of our national team! Pilsung!

Since then I've been reading a lot of books to amuse myself. I've started reading angels and demons which starts off surprisingly, almost exactly like the Da Vinci code... s'ok though, I expect it to veer off into another direction since everyone seems to like this book better than the Code.

Last night though, I decided to indulge in a chick-lit.. It was called "Can you keep a secret?" by Sophie Kinsella.. you know.. the author of the shopoholic series. I can't help but think that her target readers are superficial airheads but she does this trick by endowing her lead character with the endearing quality of naivete and kindness so it eventually will suck in even the most critical of readers ( unless they are stuck up and too intelligent to enjoy a chick-lit).. in any case, I liked this book and character better than the confessions of a shopoholic and Becky Bloomwood and I LOVE the lead guy in this book too.. I felt a lot of my emotions mirrored that of Emma's when she was with Conner.. only.. I don't think I've ever been with someone who didn't know me as much as Conner didn't know Emma...

ANYWAYS! moral of the story! Be honest in ur relationships.. my gfs always ask me how I have less tumultuous relationships than they do even though I'm far more confrontational, borderline mean. And I really think it's because I'm so upfront and honest. And anyone who isn't honest with me is definitely undeserving of me :D

In any case, I've also discovered that I can never find the perfect man because all of the perfect men for me are trapped inside Sophie Kinsella novels.. HELLO? remember Luke Brandon??? and now Jack Harper!? sigh. I have to remind myself a lyric from Radiohead's "Motion Picture Soundtrack": It's not like the movies.. they fed us on little white lies.

Seriously Thom, why must you be such a realist sometimes?

nono.. i'm joking...ur perfect.

Ok.. well, the other day my family had a bbq and we invited some family friends over...mmmmm Korean bbq... u haven't had anything like my mother's I'm SURE. I really missed Wendy a lot.. she missed yet another family bbq :(

ERica's at the PRIDE parade in Toronto right now.. her and her friends thought it would be fun to go watch the old men in assless leather chaps :P hahah. ok the PRIDE is so much more than that but it's funny too, in many ways. If Rob were here I'd go with him but he's got more exotic places to be right now..sigh..


I need a vacation.. oh wait! I'm going to Paris soon.. THANK GOD!

HMMMM.... well.. I've been chatting to Di who is thinking of having a party at her house since her parents will be out to Ottawa on Canada day which is cool cuz I'll probably see a lot of ppl from my high school there.. she wants to have a kind of reunion party. And since she's Chris' gf there are going to be older guys there too.. I'm particularly looking forward to seeing Loutfi (Lou).. HE'S SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!!!!! and sweet and nice :) He was the valedictorian and er.. student extraordinaire at our school. u know the sporty types that everyone loves and who is nice to the niners ( us) when he was graduating. SO CUTE! I heard he is in love with his latest gf and might even consider marrying her.. I don't think she's nearly good enough for him.. but i guess she makes him happy.. ugh.

Oh! I forgot to tell u, I started that computer job today.. SO EASY... I literally highlight stuff and press buttons to label them and then click Done and then the cd generates another page for me to either ignore or label.. this is the greatest job ever!!! But it's so mindnumbing and I feel I'm getting stupider by the second. What I do to pass the time is blast Disney music or 80's new wave and sing along at the top of my lungs until I'm done for the day. I think I scared my grammy the other day.. HAHAHAHA... In July I start the day camp job.. I hope my little kiddies are uber cute with puffy cheeks!

Ok.. well.. I'm going to get back to my book now and make plans with some friends later. Ciao


Jun 22, 2006 at 19:46 o\clock

quick update


I've been hanging out wiht my friends alot, helping out my dad and my uncle at work since I'm unemployed,.. well actually.. I'm employed.. just recently though, I'll tell you about that in a sec, what else.. just boozing and being happy for the mo...I've also been reading a lot of books.. ( i JUST read the Da Vinci Code.. TOTALLY not overrated.. it was Genius)  I want to go shopping but I realized something this summer.. I HAVE SO MANY CLOTHES! and like 2/3 or them are new, never been worn and like... I'M HORRIBLE... so I decided that I'm going to wear everything atleast 3 times before I decide to shop for more clothes.. it's ridiculous.. but not as ridiculous as my friend Dianne.. she's got more clohtes than anything and they sit in her closet until she feels like donating everything to the salvation army and then shopping for new clothes.. funny girl...

OK.. first job.. I think it was 10 - 4:30..  I had better check up on that.. anyways it's a day camp kinda but I'll be helping little children learn how to eat properly, have big self esteems and how to manage anger and depression in the future.. sounds deep? not at all... piece of cake.. I expect 99% of the kids to be these rich chinese babies with such great manners, they would need to school me.

Second.. a weekend job at home from 9 - 4 and 9 - 5.. I go into this promotional website that promotes events that happen in Toronto and I highlight things and make notes.. doesn't that seem too easy? 12 bucks /hour I'm not going to complain! Hopefully they'll need me throughout the year when I'm in Kingston etc.

Nextly, the Korean translating place called me again.. I'm reconsidering.. if I get the necessary terms, I suppose I can provide adequate translation.. I need to brush up on my formality.. in any case even if I go through training and don't pass the test, I get money from training and that's a hefty bundle to get me through to Paris..

So.. Paris is a GO! Unless of course Mani falls of the planet and I never hear of those tickets again but that is an unlikely scenario. His life would be on the line.

I'm REALLY excited!!!! Oh! Korea plays the swiss tomorrow.. i'll be back from training in time to watch it.. exciting! I was thinking of pulling my brother from school to watch it but he tried to skimp on homework again so I told him I'm not going to pull him anymore.. we'll see...

I really want him to enjoy it.

Ok.. I have a ton of errands to run and I think I'm going over to Lisa's tonight to watch a movie with my sister.. we wanted to watch Latifah's Last Holiday.. I really like her and it's not something I would have paid to go see in the theatres so.. u know! something to do!

I've been talking to Di a lot lately too.. when we get on the phone, we don't get off for hours~! atleast 5 hours.. i dunno how we have so much to talk about.. but it's nice to have friends you can talk forever with.

I miss Julia a lot.. she's stuck in the boonies.. i know my summer would have been way more fun if she were around cuz she likes to meet me downtown cuz she lives near the heart of the city and so it's incentive to go down there... my friends like to stay in the GTA ... and since the Boxing Day shootings near the Eaton Centre, some of my friends have been freaked out to go there... ugh.. it seems atleast the conservatives are unrelenting in their mission to put away the bad guys.. a relief but I wonder to what extent they are going to to make this all possible...

I think I'm going to meet my friend Pat and go to a bar, he jsut msged me and we're making plans.. he wants to watch the Brazil game.. maybe there will be a lot of Brazilians around.. we'll see.

Talk later everyone!

Jun 21, 2006 at 15:36 o\clock


I know I haven't been around! Sorry... I'll update tonight.. very very busy!

Jun 19, 2006 at 19:59 o\clock

Dae han min guk!

South Korea rallies to draw

France LEIPZIG, Germany (AP) -- France finally got a goal, didn't get a win and now is in danger of another early exit from the World Cup.

Thierry Henry scored France's first World Cup goal since the 1998 final, only to see South Korea's Park Ji-sung level it in the 81st minute in a 1-1 draw Sunday.

 South Korea tops Group G with four points from two matches, with France in second place with two points. Third-place Switzerland has one point and plays Togo on Monday.

But the French might need a win against Togo in their final game of the opening round to advance. Four years ago, they went out of the World Cup in the first round without scoring.

"It's always the same, we had chances to win," France coach Raymond Domenech said. "When you stay at 1-0 it's always on the edge, and that's what happened. We didn't hold the ball for long enough, and they wore us out. They're a strong team that keeps going."

"Everything is still possible," Domenech said. "I am disappointed, though. We still have one match where we will have to win."

 "We had problems with them in the first half but coped with them better in the second," said South Korea's Dutch coach Dick Advocaat. "We were able to score with one of the few chances that we did have. We knew in principle that the Switzerland game would be the key game but let's celebrate this. It's not often that you draw against France."

"I have to compliment the team for doing this against France," said Advocaat, who played with a 4-3-3 formation and recalled Kim Nam-il to his midfield.

 At least France found the net this time when Henry connected in the ninth minute for his 34th international goal. Henry put a deflected ball past Lee Woon-jae for France's first World Cup goal on foreign soil since 1986.

 France nearly scored another goal in the 32nd when Patrick Vieira's header appeared on television replays to have crossed the goal line. But the Mexican referee ruled no goal.

The Koreans, surprise semifinalists as co-hosts four years ago, never backed down. They carried the play late and Manchester United's Park tied it on a strange goal. He got his toe on a ball that looped over goalkeeper Fabien Barthez's reach and defender William Gallas failed to clear it on the line.

"I'm not satisfied with myself, but I'm satisfied with my team because we got a point against a very strong French team," Park said.

Thousands of red-clad South Korea fans roared and kept up the noise right until the final whistle.

"France is a very strong team, so we're very satisfied with a point," Choi Jin-cheul said.

Henry missed a chance to win it in the 86th when Lee saved his shot after a setup by Zinedine Zidane.

Zidane will miss the Togo game after collecting his second yellow card of the round. Defender Eric Abidal also will be sidelined for that match. Zidane has said he will retire from all soccer after the World Cup so may have played his last match.

Jun 15, 2006 at 03:16 o\clock

Be the Reds!!

So I had a job interview today.. I'm hoping to get this one full time for the remainder of this month because I have another job for tomorrow.. a kids day camp as a tutor.. 15/hour.. not bad.. full time UNTIL! GUESS WHEN? AUG 19TH! Which is AWESOME because I leave for Paris on the 20th!!!! WHAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

IT'S like I was meant to go to this festival..

My friends signed online from Barcelona today.. they said that their favourite cities so far are Madrid, Barcelona and PARIS, Paris being the obvious favourite by all three... I MISS THEM!

Amish told me some details of their travels.. well. they had fun at the French Open Final.. I wonder if they saw Jen Aniston and Vince Vaughn there.. I heard they were... there was this one stop over in France..or maybe it was on their way to Madrid where they were RUNNING to catch their train and Rob and Amish hopped on the train just fine but Brianna didn't manage and was running along side the train when the train conductor LITERALLY PULLED her up.. she was very frazzled afterwards... picturing bri frazzled just had me in hysterics! HAHAAHAHAHAHAH.. it must have been so funny... well.. in retrospect it will be :) they have so many memories to cherish. It's a good thing she got on the train!.. she had everyone's tickets...

I got another call from this Korean/English translating agency.. pays 13/hour I think.. not's a work from home thing but I'm a bit apprehensive.. like.. they want me to translate things for ppl claiming insurance.. ppl who need a type of medication,... 911 calls in Korean... IT'S TOO MUCH PRESSURE FOR 13 bucks and hour! I think I'll have to pass on this one...

I'm going downtown to watch the Korean/France game with my whole fam.. mom is still bipolar.. everytime we speak I dunno whether she's going to scream at me or try to be nice to me.. she's a total nutjob

anyways.. I will be watching! in red ( that's right Mey.. I'll be watching)
France are the OBVIOUS favourites.. but the way i see it... they have more to lose if they don't win. If we beat the swiss, we still have a good chance of advancing. The french and Swiss team tying was advantageous for the Koreans. If France by some fluke loses to the Koreans, they will have shamed their country 2 WORLD CUPS IN A ROW! What good is it to have Zidane (arguably the best)  and Henry (arguably the best this year) when you can't move up to the top 16???
They are still my second favourite team in the league though.. but I have my loyalties.. GO KOREA GO!

Say it with me now! Or atleast my fellow yellows who are reading this... actually, my sister spotted this white dude on the bus wearing a Be the Reds tshirt.. that's amusing.. I think he thinks he's amusing as well. Maybe he's hoping to hook up with a pretty Korean girl.

OK! So i'm going out tonight with Di for some bubble tea... wow.. it's funny.. at school, where everyone was predominantly white, I engaged in predominantly white activities... in the city back home, I've been doing everythign BUT white activities.. except trying hard to get Radiohead tickets with my white city friends :P I have to say.. nothing beats being somewhere with a lot of culture and the very least in terms of food!!!!!!!

OH! ps shell.. very helpful advice, I mailed my prof and arranged to meet her near the end of July! Ur right that the door that squeaks gets the oil... or whatever that saying was :)


Be the Reds!!!

Jun 13, 2006 at 17:25 o\clock



Jun 11, 2006 at 07:33 o\clock


I wish I could just travel on a star and go round and round and round. I dunno what it is but when I think about the world and how big it is and how small I am, I get really reflective and a little blue.

Tonight, I HAD to get out of my house.. I made poor Lisa who was SO TIRED from me draggin her out yesterday and working all day today come drink bubble tea with me and my brother today. Then I took Matty to get Wendy's (spicy chicken burger combo) and we walked home together.

As we were walking home in the dark ( had no car today) he pointed up at the brightest star in the sky and said, "nuna look!" (nuna is older sister in Korean.. but.. what a boy would say not a girl) and I was like.. make a wish matty! and he wished that all the children in the world would be safe tonight. oh.. that kid.. he just makes me melt.. I LOVE my brother.

I got a letter from Amish today..he's concerned about my fight with my mom.. he went to the French Open.. he says I'm going to LOVE paris..they must be having so much fun.. and I'm also following up on Radiohead's tour.. they had a concert in Montreal tonight.. they played one ofmy favourite songs " how to disappear completely" and thom dedicated it to the ppl in the balcony probably cuz he can't see them.

The World Cup games are bringing back memories of when I was in Korea for them.. it was so much fun.. and all of this worldly stuff is going on around me and I wish soooo much that I was travelling right now. I totally don't want to be here.. or if I am.. I atleast want to be doing something productive!

I think I have an interview next week.. or Kalvin says so anyways. ugh.. working for money.. whatta concept.

I still haven't heard back from this prof who seemed interested in supervising me.. should I email her again and ask her if she received my last email? I feel pushy.. but I need to know!!!

ugh.. so many stupid worries in my life and really, in the grand scope of things it's all nothing. That's why being an athlete or musician must be so great.. you have to focus EVERYTHING into one task.. nothing else is relevant and you don't have to think about anything else because you HAVE to perform.. and see the world and be marvelous.

I think I think too much.

existentialist or psycho?

Jun 10, 2006 at 20:17 o\clock

Fun times.. and then a not so fun morning..

So yesterday di joined us.. Di isn't really friends with Lisa and she lost touch with Jo so I thought it might be a bit awkward at first but it was soo fun. I knew they'd all get along though. We went to Marlowe.. the atmosphere was really nice.. beautiful ambiance, beautiful ppl.. but there were no seats! We were fed up with waiting at the bar, we ran across to Alice Fazoolis (no cute guys though) where they were blaring house music and playing the Cup games. I think at night, Poland was playing erm.... shit I forget!

Then my little sister popped in because I stole her green purse and she had my other sister's ID that she uses in there and she needed it to get into a club nearby. So she stopped by but by that time I was hammered! Cuz! No one drinks their wine.. what's a girl to do when she's offered such sweet nectar? It worked out though... in what would have otherwise been awkward silences was the making fun of drunken tchockiness.. oh I LOVE the state of drunken tchockiness..
Oh man.. I didn't know how I was going to drive Jobo and Lisa in that state so Di drove them and then I rested at Di's until I sobered up and then my little sister's friends dropped her off at Di's and I took her home.
I never got to wear my satin heals cuz I didn't have a satin-protector at home..:( it was all for suede and leather. But i have many other's ok

So, my friends are in France now, they just watched the French Open (they got tickets for one game and then the finals but only for the ladies.) I miss them.

Ok wait.. so after that, me and my sister erica stayed up until 4 and DAMMIT I had to wake up SO FREAKING EARLY to bus my brother to his soccer league picture day and then he had a game at 11am afterwards.. I had to run RUN to the bus stop half asleep and with a splitting headache.. on the bus, I had to stand and then when we got there it was SO FREAKING COLD! I had to go into the building and watch little kids swim in the pool so I could avoid the cold. I managed to catch the quarter of my brother's game though.. then I bought him a burger and chips and we went home so i could finally dig into my mom's sushi.

Speaking of soccer, excited about the World Cup? I am. Obviously I'll root Korea, although their friendly game against Ghana was disastrous.. they looked soooo lost! argh.. I really want them to advance atleast to the second rounds. Then! I'll go for France. You see.. I was up in the air btw France and England.. England because.. well I love the English.. and I love watching David Beckham.. he's a gorgeous creature and I could watch him all day. But then there is France. I love Thierry Henry and I LOVE Zidane. And! They did so unexpectedly horribly at the last World Cup.. i think they need to redeem themselves.

Mey: yeah.. I didn't doubt that you were rooting for France.. what i was saying was.. I don't believe that ur actually rooting for England over France because if I were French, I know I'd root France over Engladn.. hell if Canada even qualified ( do they even have a team?) I would still root Korea and I've been here my whole life!

Moving on..there is Ballack who I think is alright looking but DAMN soccer players have the HOTTEST bodies I've EVER seen.. (in Canada.. we call it soccer... football for u europeans and south americans.) It's because they have to run forever and they are just cut in all the right places... very very sexy legs too. And they're not freakishly tall like NBA players... they're butts are not huge like the baseball players, they're not fat like some football players ( american version.. i don't watch it) and they have all their teeth unlike hockey players! Plus I've never seen a hockey player with a six pack... weird eh.  Plus soccer is pleasant to watch.. a field full of hot guys kicking the ball around.. I hate all that barbaric stuff that comes with contact sports like for instance football ( american) all that stupid tackling.. it's boring to watch.. I hate in hockey when they beat the shit out of each other and I hate how rugby players all like hug and bring each other down.. I just don't like watching the contact, it's unappealing to me! I like eloquent games like tennis, golf, basketball, baseball, soccer.. I REALLY love hockey minus the knocking out of teeth and fist fighting. Yeah so I love soccer! whoohoo!

Be the Reds!

gotta get ready for another fun day!
tchocky pocky
PS.. there are already video clips from June 8th show at the Hummingbird Centre where radiohead debuted their new song Down is the New up.. I've heard about this one for awhile but I never managed to get any internet leaks for this one.. I LIKE it.. u can hear it by the link Adrian gives u at the website.. click on the news that says.. Down is the New Up.. I think.. or something like that.. u'll find it.. I tried to show the video in my blog but it won't let me for some reason..

cheerio then!

Jun 10, 2006 at 00:04 o\clock

Girls' night

Well today I was supposed to see my friend Maria before she went to the Bahamas with Lisa but she cancelled on us because she says she's got to wake up at 7 for the flight and hasn't packed yet. But Lisa mentioned that she's going to watch a movie with a boy.. which would have been fine if she told me sooner but I cancelled plans with Di, Julia and I couldn't reschedule with Aimee for tonight because I thought I was going to go out with Maria tonight!
Whatevs! Tongiht I'm going out anyways! And I want to go downtown! Jobo was bored this afternoon so she picked me up and we went drive thru Wendys, bought Lisa and ourselves a meal and headed over to Lisas to eat and drink Soju ( Korean, clear form of sake) while she got ready for work and watched the World Cup. She got dressed up so nicely for work, it inspired Jobo and I to want to paint the town red tonight.. the city! Downtown! I love Toronto. I can finally wear my new satin shoes somewhere!(Although I need to buy the satin protector from a shoe store somewhere) I think I'll keep an extra pair of shoes in the car incase it rains or something tonight!

Being away in ugly-ville for so long, I don't know any really trendy, cute places in downtown Toronto.. I think I'm going to have to look it up online. yargh.

Anyways, I couldn't meet aimee yesterday because she wasn't finished her assignment.. she recently graduated and got her B.Ed. but is taking extra courses so she can teach children with disabilities. Funnily enough, Dianne also aspires to be a teacher specializing in children with disabilities as well.. how is it that they aren't friends?

Now that Radiohead have left Toronto and are in Montreal, I've calmed down a bit.. ok.. who am I kidding.. I'm considering therapy to get over this trauma of not having been able to go see them in my hometown.. alas.. I'll always have Paris...I can TASTE Paris in my mouth.. I cannot wait to go there! I keep thinking of allthe things I will need to buy.. disposable Oral B toothbrush for camping purposes.. TONS of babywipes... all my creams and make up... pointless to bring my hair straightener...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! So excited.

I'll also need a digital camera.. ours is busted.. somehow.. sister busted it. I should invest in my own.. that is.. if I had a freaking job!

My friend Kalvin Sie is hooking me up with this tutoring job at this place.. pays peanuts.. 12/hour from 10 - 4.. so I'm currently in the process of finding a night shift job part-time.. ugh.. I might have to apply at this pharmacy place near my house.

I'm still trying to decide whether or not I should get the grey RAZR, pink RAZR or black RAZR... I really want the pink one but when I go to school, my father will probably want to use my phone.. and I can't stick him with a pink one can I? He says he'll use it but i'm not THAT selfish... am I? Dammit.. I really liked the pink one.

Alright so I'm going to go out when my brother and mom come back from his acupuncture appointment to submit my resumes.

Gotta jet
See yous downtown if ur going to be where we're going to be :P Look for girls with wicked sexy shoes.

Tchocky pocky

Jun 7, 2006 at 17:04 o\clock

ho hum

Ok.. today I do some serious job hunting.

I'm still not talking to my mom for those of you who are wondering.. she's just finding things to bitch at me about now but I drown her out.. I've learned how to do that over the years.

Di called yesterday and I didn't call her back.. she's going to be piiiiiiiiissed. :s
Julia called me too..she's in town for the week so I hope to get together with her before she returns to Kingston. She got into Western's phD program! yay! whatta smarty pants! And she's going to the land of the hot smart guys! Lucky Julia! My little sister Erica went there to visit her friend with her other friends and they say she was bombarded by boys all night, and hot ones too! She's taken though ( obviously) .. she's extremely pretty and maintains averages in the 90s, plays flute, volunteers, is fun.. she's a total score :)

I grounded my baby bro off playstation cuz I caught him lying to me about the amount of homework he has to do. I hid the controller :P

Yesterday, I was supposed to go to my friend Pat's stand up show downtown. He has one every month but I wasn't able to make it down in the end but he emailed me back and told me not to worry about it because the show was cancelled due to sound problems...

OH YES.. today is the 7th.. which means my friend Geoff will be amongst thousands of screaming Radiohead fans and gets to hear their new songs... I, being the obsessed fan that I am, have already heard some leaked on the internet, but still!~ doesn't stop me from being extremely jealous.. there is no justice in this world!

I have to write to my friend Rachelle who is treeplanting somewhere in the boonies this summer. I have to tell her I didn't manage to get us tickets ( not that she could have come down anyways) and that I'm going to Paris to see them (she's going to think I'm nuts). For her birthday in 2003, I bought us tickets to their Hail to the Thief tour. Only it was cancelled two days before because of the major north american black out! I bawled! But then it was rescheduled to October.. so we bussed it ( we missed classes that day) and went to go see them :D it was GREEEEAT! We were roomates in first year and we were the complete opposite.. her side of the room was meticulously clean, mine was SO MESSY.. It looked like it was ravaged by a tornado.. she was shy, I was loud,.. everyone said we are the most unlikely friends. We had 2 things in common: 1) we're angsty and not psychologically damaged somehow and 2) Radiohead is our favourite band. The summer before first year, we found out we were at the same concert in Barrie during their Amnesiac tour.. cool huh? So she loved the Radiohead posters I put in our teeny dorm room.

Ok well.. so far yesterday and today my life has been uneventful.. let's hope I get hired soon shall we?

talk soon
tchocky pocky

Jun 6, 2006 at 06:28 o\clock


So she comes home and she's like let's talk.. ok no first she's all slamming doors like she's 2. Then she's like let's talk... I know what she is doing.. my father inevitably has pissed her off somehow and now she's going to take it out on me.. the first 15 years of my life, I never knew what caused my mom to shit all over me out of the blue but then I got wise to the pattern. Everytime dad is stupid, Tchocky gets berated by mom. Berated is an understatement.. have you ever been scared that a person is going completely insane before your eyes and may never return to sanity? That is my mother.

Anyways.. so she's saying, " is there no way you're not going" and I was like, " there is no way I'm not going" and she's like " becuase if ur father finds out it's going to get worse" (as if she's scaring me) and I was like " I don't care"
and then she was saying things but i kept repeating, " i don't care" and then she was like " fine then leave my house"

My mom kicked me out of the house. I was like fine!
But fuck! I have nowhere to go. Sure Di would love to let me stay but her father is so weird, he doesn't let his own family stay with him without some sort of fee. Then of course I could stay with Lisa but her apt is not big enough to house me, her deadbeat father, herself, her mom and her stupidass brothers. I thought about Julia, and she offered as well.. but I really would feel like I was impingeing on her and luc.. if she didn't have a bf I'd probably be on my way to kingston right now.

When I panic, my first instinct is to either call Mani or Amish. Because I know they'd do anything to take care of me. Amish is gone to Europe ( shit shit shit) but I knew that even though Mani and I hadn't talked in a few days because we were busy and because we're still sorting out the break-up he'd listen to me... I woke him up at midnight his time and he talked to me until it was 3am for him ( I saw him falling asleep on me on webcam). He's so sweet. We talked on the phone for the first 2 hours. I kept asking him what I should do, even though I knew he was helpless to help me, it was calming having him on the phone and talking about it. He kept telling me to come to Belgium..AS IF! Then it occurred to me I could stay at my friend Pat's... he would never feel that I was in the way and he has his own apt downtown! I really was going to but Mani was very upset at the idea. argh!

So tonight I was supposed to sleep over at Lisa's because my parents were fighting when the other one got home ( surprise!!! didn't I tell you that she was pissed off at him?!) SO FUCKING LOUD I swear the neighbours heard. My father, is wreckless and irresponsible.. he didn't get his tenants to sign the lease.. so they have been living there for 2 years and have not once paid the utility bill that they agreed to pay. But without a lease we can't prove that that agreement was ever made so now my dad is stuck paying for 2 years or energy consumption. My mom is sooo pissed because she kept pushing him to get those sketchy tenants to sign the lease. Anyways.. I've come to this conclusion. My mom just wants to have control over everything and now that I've made it clear that she has no control over my actions, how I spend my money and that whatever she has to say doesn't concern me, she's decided to use her ultimate power and kick me out. This has done irreparable damage to our relationship.. you know.. I've said this a BILLION times in the past, whenever she went psycho on my ass or even literally whooped my ass.. but this time, I don't really know what she can do to make me want to talk to her normally ever again. I was always comforted by the fact that whenever I needed a place to stay or food to eat she'd always provide it and it would never even be used as a threat. and although I know my mom does not intend for me to move out, I just cannot get over how ABSOLUTELY mental she is. I HAVE to move out, even if it's just for fear that this Crazy affliction is contagious.

Well.. since I asked my father to drive me to Lisa's and he said why and I said because mom kicked me out... he yelled at me and said, "YEAH WELL I'M UR FATHER AND I'M TELLING U UR NOT GOING ANYWHERE!"
So I'm still here.. in my sister's bedroom, listening to my mother yell at me for not cooking matthew's burger properly and hence the burning smell in the kitchen.. ( I'm telling u.. she's mental)

I wish I had enough money to get out of this crazy house. I feel sorry for my little brother and sister and even my father and wonder why the hell I am so homesick when I am in Kingsotn when everytime I return to Toronto my mother has one of her episodes.. crazy... just crazy...
I better call it a night

umemployed and homeless

Jun 5, 2006 at 16:41 o\clock


DAMMIT! This always happens! I get so pissed off at my mom and then I feel so bad getting pissed off at her later... that woman drives me mental!

I talked to Aimee last night. I text msged her cell and congratulated her on graduating teacher's college and told her I'd like to buy her a drink sometime to catch up and celebrate. She logged online shortly after that and we caught up somewhat. She sent me pictures of her sister's wedding and she talked a bit about Kevin, her new bf.. it was really nice.. it wasn't so awkward and she was extremely sweet. I guess I really did miss Aimee.. I don't really know when, how or why we started to drift.. I guess when ur older, u just accept that this happens.. it's nice though that we are able to catch up.

I have to call Maria tonight, she's leaving for the Bahamas and I want to see her one last time before she goes.. she's going to be at Wonderland with Lisa today! I hope it doesn't rain today! I wonder if Lisa wants to come tonight too.. I think I'll ask Jobo to come.. she hasn't seem maria in a bit.. they always ask about each other to me.. yeah I think I'll do that...

Alright, other than that I really don't have much to tell you. My mom is being all sweet and nice to me because I think she feels bad.. that's how it is.. never apologize to me because I always end up talking back nicely.. and that's supposed to mean that I've forgotten about everything.

ugh. It's so weird... my mom is the woman I never want to hurt but end up hurting most and this irony does my head in.

Talk later

Jun 5, 2006 at 04:01 o\clock


I'M SO UPSET at my mom right now I'm crying. She's SO ANNOYING SOMETIMES! So the woman decides to open my credit card bill.. her excuse? it's been laying there for so long, she thought that she'd just open it cuz I didn't. HELL FUCKING O?? If I didn't open it for that long then fucking tell me I got something in the mail! I'm home all the fucking time!

Then she saw 942.55 $ Zoom airline oneway ( i don't know why they said one way.. I bought two way tickets.. I should check that out)

So I had to fucking tell her! I wasn't going to lie to her, I was just going to tell her I was going to Paris to see RAdiohead in August when all my bills were paid off and she couldn't do anything about it!

Then she was all lilke, how old are you to be spending all this money to go see a pop band... do you think I would even try to explain Radiohead's relevance to this woman? Oh no.. but I did.. I tried.. but she thought I was fucking crazy. My mother is like.. this woman with a type A++++ personality.. she's never made a late payment ever in her life and she's meticulous about everything.. her motto in life seems to be work 12 hours a day until you develop hypertension and if you're having fun then you must be indulging and therefore you are a bad person. fuck.

Then instead of trying to explain to her that I've been waiting since 2003 to see them on tour again I tried to explain to her about how passionate I am about the music scene in general.. but she just gave me a blank face.. of course.. what does this woman know about passion? She's not done anything for herself in the past 24 damn years.. probablyh never has in her life.. you know? I could have easily asked my dad for the money to pay off this bill but I was determined to find a job and pay it off myself. I don't think she has a right to tell me when I'm right or wrong.. especially when she has no concept of fun or passion...
So she wants me to be perfect like her? Perfect doesn't count for shit when ur life is non-stop tending to ur children and husband and everyone else is having fun except you. She is the single reason I refuse to get married and she thinks I should become more mature and be like her? and then what? want to jump off a bridge?!

I actually asked her, " what do you know about passion?" ... and i won't feel bad about that until after because I'M SO FUCKING PISSED OFF SHE WENT THROUGH MY FUCKING MAIL AGAIN! FUCK! HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL MY PARENTS NOT TO OPEN MY LETTERS???

She called me irresponsible and shit.. you know.. I never usually spend money I don't have but I made an exception here.. ok? and if I had the choice I'd do it over and over again.. in fact.. once i'm securely employed in the future, I'd probably buy up EVERY ticket on ebay and travel every fucking where to go see them in concert! It's not her business and it's not her right to tell me what something should be worth to me! You know, I really didn't want to go to Detroit with Di because I knew I'd end up shopping a bit but I made a resolution to myself that anytime my friends asked me to go out, I'd go. So I'm a little more in the hole than I was last time but seriously 900 bucks should be coverable by mid August.. I never asked them for any money! SHIT!

sorry.. i'm getting really upset again.. I think I'm going to end this here

protect your mail

Jun 4, 2006 at 08:31 o\clock

yawn... time for bed...

It's 2:30 am and I just got in from Di's mom's bday party.. it was fun! karaoke and everything.. I met Di's friend Ling and her sister Kat today and their whole family. They were so cute! I really liked them.. you know.. before I used to think I got on well with introverted ppl because i'm so extraverted.. but they were all extraverted ( like Di) and I never realized that extremely talkative, loud ppl could mesh so well with each other. I guess that's why ppl always tell me later they find me so intimidating at first.. because i'm loud.. coupled wiht a loud friend.. we'd be obnoxious! But really! I'm the most approachable person I know!

Anyways, their mother is hilarious... you know.. I always blush when my elders talk so loosely about sex and the like.. and dirty jokes always make me squirm.. especially when older ppl talk about it.. but by the end of the night I was totally desensitized.. it's quite funny actually.

I bought her mom a large bouquet of flowers.. it was sorta orange themed... really pretty! I was going to buy her a pot of oriental orchids but I'm glad I didn't because someone else did. What do you buy a woman who has everything? flowers of course.. she got 8 bouquets that evening!

I guess my friends who are touring Europe, Amish had time to msg me on msn in the middle of all their craziness... if he didn't, he'd hear it from me! I wish the other two would venture into an internet cafe like him and msg me too! Anyways, this is what he wrote:

hey xxx!

thanks for the e-mail that job sounds amazing, I hope it all works out

and I am glad you had fun in Detroit

we are having an amazing time

Portugal has been gorgeous

not much to do in Dublin

but I am really looking forward to French Open, Amsterdam and Spain

I pissed Shmackles off the first night by calling her a downer, but other than that its been really smooth sailing

I was hoping to go to Europeºs biggest casino tonight, but it wasnºt feasible

hopefully it wil save me some cash

weºve been talking about the floor and people and stuff a lot and these 2 both love you and miss you

anyways, I hope everything is going well and I will talk to you soon

take care, bye

awwwwwwwwwwww I miss theeeeeeeem! If I didn't go through that period of not talking to Amish, I definitely would have saved up for this trip like they have been.. I'm REALLY sad that I'm missing it.. hopefully though, when we're a lil older, we'll find time to do this again.. Di and I are in the talks of a pan-asian tour.. she has to graduate first.. and probably so do I.

Anyways.. I'm just at home now.. wide awake for some reason ( must have been that nasty vinegry wine..ugh) .. I think I'll go wash.. OH BY THE WAY.. my Meaningful Beauty Cindy Crawford creams came.. WONDERFUL! I love it so much.. it works so well.. and I love the decollette... I'm glad I bought the extra big jar of it :)

OK! ciao amigos and amigas!
tchocky pocky

Jun 2, 2006 at 05:42 o\clock


Ok.. I know I am going to Rock en Seine.. but I am SO DEPRESSED at the thought that Radiohead are going to be in TO a week from now and I am not going to be where they are. I've even thought about just standing outside the venue to be near them! OMG I AM SO MESSED UP!

I went online to ebay.. FRONT ROW SEATS... two ppl vying for these tickets.. and my poor broke ass could only watch this fight for the ticket in the final second... they were both so persistent.. and then at the very last second BOOM! this ass named compulsive audio steals it from underneath.. you know though... in the final second, they should have made ONE HUGE bet... going up by increments of 10 bucks while lurkers are watching ready to pounce is a poor strategy... I wonder why nobody thinks of these things.. it happens all the time.... anyways.. I considered emailing compulsive audio and advertising myself to him: desperate female willing to be slave for one of the two tickets you just won... for the two he paid 540 US

sigh... the date is creeping nearer and I'm getting SO SO SAD.... i should be going.. I CAN'T believe I didn't get tickets this year.. it's so uncharacteristic of me.... sigh

Other things in my life are stressing me out.. a professor thinks she'll consider being my supervisor for my thesis but wants me to find a topic THIS SUMMER and do background reading... STRESS.. since I have no idea what topic I want to do.... also, it seems Mani will not be able to come to Canada next year due to monetary reasons... although we weren't together we still held out hope that maybe he'd come and we could build on something. All of that is dashed.. I feel awful... i feel like he wants me to tell him that we'll continue the way we were doing before but i know that I just can't do that anymore. It's sad that something so great has to end on these terms but I suppose it's fate.. it's so weird but I've been noticing things that are happening around me that I think are just too crazy to be coincedences... so I think I'll just accept that this is fate.

OK.. so to make myslef feel better.. i went on ebay and bought all these Radiohead paraphernalia.. as per usual... however, I realized that my bids were more than retail price :s.... STUPID!
I found this magazine I was looking for.. I'll only continue to bid on that.. but the other one I bid on should be shipped to Canada soon for release here so I can get it here directly.. new.. and for cheaper.. I AM SUCH A DUMMY

You know.. I was thinking.. I WISH I WAS FILTHY rich... so I could buy out every asshole on ebay and go to every FREAKING concert on this tour... why wasn't I born rich.. I don't mean just rich.. I mean like rich where I could buy the fricking group? It seems so unfair that airheads like Paris get to be so rich.. all that money and no brains to go to every single Radiohead concert... STUPID COW!

Had a dream awhile ago that Thom yorke was beside me and I couldn't stop shaking...literally like a leaf.. the body is not supposed to be able to shake exactly like a leaf but in my dream, my whole body turned to paper.. wobbly paper.. and he found this amusing and laughed... and I COULDN'T STOP SHAKING! Then he put his hand on my back to steady me but the shaking got more violent and I had to force myself to wake up before I peed in my pants.. in my dream..BUT INFRONT OF THOM YORKE!

Went to my little sister's campus today, she showed me her house ( SO HUGE AND CLEAN) This is no student housing ppl.. they have a freaking guest room and a fireplace... I live in such a shithole second year.. I'm so jealous! But so happy she doesn't have to live with rats... She's so cute! We had fun even though she got nothing done cuz her landlord is an asshole..
We bought a Cinnabon at union station.. it is the most buttery, cinnomy bun you'll ever eat.. with tons of icing.. it melts in ur mouth cuz i'm sure it's like 100% butter.. think of it as the Krispy Kream of cinnamon buns.. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Alright... well.. now that I've got all this depression out of my system, I'm going to go to bed... I have to wake up early tomorrow to outbid someone.


Jun 1, 2006 at 05:47 o\clock


I had so much to write about my trip... but you know when you put off writing and other stuff happens to you and pre-occupies your brain and you don't feel like writing about the past anymore?

I guess some don't since we get weekly updates by Shellebelle and the like.. but I have no patience.. I'll  tell you all the stuff I bought :

I bought 11 tops: three from Hollister.. one that says Hollister in silver with this pretty stuff on's grey.. another red one that says " Let's not ruin this with words" and another yellow one in gold writing that says " Maybe if you were in a band" heheh Di picked that one out for me..,

these nice brown cargo pants from Banana republic, a bright green top from B. Rep.. and a black top from B. Rep and a white wrap from there too... I got two backless ultra girly tshirts in white and purply-pink ( I wanted both!) and two DKNY hoodies (grey and black.. they are different.. I love the black one) .. then I bought my little sister gold Steve Madden heels with a matching gold weaved belt, then I bought myself black satin heels from nine west with python print in white, black and gold on the sides where the base is.. IT'S SO IMPRACTICAL BUT IT WAS SO GORGEOUS I HAD TO GET IT! I HAVE WAY TOO MANY SHOES NOW! The mission was to get practical flats.. but EVERYTIME i try to get those I always end up buying heels!!! YARGH!

aaaaaaaaand... I can't really think what else I may have bought.. I think that's it....

Our air conditioner busted and my parents are buying a new one..
ok.. it's raining and these air conditioning ppl who were supposed to come this morning showed up at 5pm..and they are still fucking here! And I think they had a verbal agreement with my parents to pay an extra 100 in cash aside from the 2650 check we are writing them.. doesn't that sound kinda fishy? One guy comes and gives us and estimate.. says they need to charge 300 more because it's more tricky.. something about how my basement is arranged.. then 10 mins later, by some coincedence, another guy comes and makes the same assessment...then they say they'll cut it down to 100 cash... like do they think we're fucking stupid? Mydad agrees though and then tells me after they leave today to give them the check and nothing else..

They told me this yesterday and I have been STRESSING out ALL DAY.. wondering what kind of altercations I would get into with them.. so I kept researching and calling other air conditioning companies and they advised against giving cash that is not written on paper.. right? but I don't know if these ppl gave us a discount on the thing to swindle their boss and in exchange for the hundred bucks they reduced the normal fee or what.... but it ended up not mattering because other ppl showed up at the house with no idea.. it was cuz I switched dates on them so that I could stay in Detroit an extra day. All goooood!

what else....
But I'll have to finish this another time!


PS.. does anyone know how much air conditioners are supposed to cost anyways?