I love Shellbug so much right now..
Thx Shell-belle.. you really made my day :)
And Shellee marie too.. thx for stopping by.
tchocky
:):)
Mar 15, 2006 at 20:53 o\clock
Mar 15, 2006 at 02:12 o\clock
A heart that's full up like a landfill...
I'm in a shitty mood... dunno why.. just shitty
Things are unraveling fast. I'm unhappy about a lot of things in my life. I'm NEver usually unhappy. I'm a very optimistic person usually * i know you would never be able to tell when I rant but it's the unsugarcoated me that I subject my blogigo friends to*
I hate having a bf I never get to see except for over the internet, I hate having to stay in this apt with girls I'm never going to speak to again after I move out, I hate not being nearer to my family and friends.. it just seems like i'm hating a lot of things and I don't like feeling so negative.. because I hate haters! OMG I could rant about one right now, but I just don't want to expend that much energy.
At a time where all I want to do is crawl under a rock and hibernate for the rest of my life, I just can't let myself and feel that I have to keep trecking on.. such conflicting feelings inside keep fucking with my brains. Seriously, do these hard times EVER END?
Well as you know... or perhaps I didn't say, I messed up my applications and they were sent past the due date so I have no idea what I'm going to be doing next year. Not only that but one of my reference letters did not go over too well. It seems that my prof did not think I conducted myself professionally when I gave him thank you gifts before he had written my letter ( which I totally thought he had already written) but enough of blaming others. I have to be honest. I am plagued with self doubt because perhaps my application will be rejected since I simply couldn't contend with the pool of other hopefuls. It's just such a maddening feeling. I used to be on top of the world and I just keep toppling.
If I get into the program here, I'm really going to die because I'm so desperate to get out of this place. I've associated all negative things to it.
I feel so helpless in every regard and sometimes, I am immobilized by my uncertainties that I barely have the will power to pick up a pencil or get off my seat to go places. It's just an awful feeling really.
I know it sounds like I'm about to give up and sometimes I really wish I would but I've got a really stubborn resolve to kick ass harder, hardest and it just won't let me rest.
Sigh
I'm such a complexed person.
Most of that probably made no sense to you but for all it's worth, it's made me come to terms I suppose, with the state that I'm in. I only have myself to blame but I hope later on I'll have only good to write about
Tchocky
Things are unraveling fast. I'm unhappy about a lot of things in my life. I'm NEver usually unhappy. I'm a very optimistic person usually * i know you would never be able to tell when I rant but it's the unsugarcoated me that I subject my blogigo friends to*
I hate having a bf I never get to see except for over the internet, I hate having to stay in this apt with girls I'm never going to speak to again after I move out, I hate not being nearer to my family and friends.. it just seems like i'm hating a lot of things and I don't like feeling so negative.. because I hate haters! OMG I could rant about one right now, but I just don't want to expend that much energy.
At a time where all I want to do is crawl under a rock and hibernate for the rest of my life, I just can't let myself and feel that I have to keep trecking on.. such conflicting feelings inside keep fucking with my brains. Seriously, do these hard times EVER END?
Well as you know... or perhaps I didn't say, I messed up my applications and they were sent past the due date so I have no idea what I'm going to be doing next year. Not only that but one of my reference letters did not go over too well. It seems that my prof did not think I conducted myself professionally when I gave him thank you gifts before he had written my letter ( which I totally thought he had already written) but enough of blaming others. I have to be honest. I am plagued with self doubt because perhaps my application will be rejected since I simply couldn't contend with the pool of other hopefuls. It's just such a maddening feeling. I used to be on top of the world and I just keep toppling.
If I get into the program here, I'm really going to die because I'm so desperate to get out of this place. I've associated all negative things to it.
I feel so helpless in every regard and sometimes, I am immobilized by my uncertainties that I barely have the will power to pick up a pencil or get off my seat to go places. It's just an awful feeling really.
I know it sounds like I'm about to give up and sometimes I really wish I would but I've got a really stubborn resolve to kick ass harder, hardest and it just won't let me rest.
Sigh
I'm such a complexed person.
Most of that probably made no sense to you but for all it's worth, it's made me come to terms I suppose, with the state that I'm in. I only have myself to blame but I hope later on I'll have only good to write about
Tchocky
