Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon

Mar 31, 2006 at 21:16 o\clock

lil update

I really have NO TIME AT ALL but I thought I'd give a lil update.. I'm going to the Acsa show tonight ( culture show) my friend nana is dancing and had choreographed the hip hop part.. I'm sitting with her ex bf who is still friends with her and obvoiusly still adores her..he's captain of soccer, top med student and oh so cute!
I don't think I'll be able to make the afterparty unless of course my friend takes my entire shift at work but I don't want to make him do that cuz he already does so much for me.. and mani doesn't want me to be dancing with all those med/law school students :P
Anyways, I have a bazillion assignments to do.. and am scared shitless for exams but I should be ok. Wish me luck.
Still awaiting news on my masters.. so nervous :(
Shelly, I would like to add ur blogigo blog.. let me know what your username is k? luv u
Mey.. sorry about that whole men situation.. we'll talk soon (heart)
Jackie.. Curse on Desiree threefold.. that stupid cow.. I hope all her hair will fall out
Ok.. I have to jet but I hope everyone is good.
The sun is shining, my mood is picking up and I feel like smiling today :)
and I miss mani

Mar 28, 2006 at 08:17 o\clock


Paypal sucks and sucks too!
He's also known as chaoc2005 on EBAY
DO NOT BUY FROM THIS MAN.. it's not even about the cash I just want the man to be inconvenienced!

I am going to eat a whole cheesecake with ice cream on top to make up for this awful mood I'm in JUST because of my period.

Mar 22, 2006 at 22:00 o\clock

great birthday

I had a surprisingly wonderful birthday. Started off by mani actually playing AND singing to Thinking about you.. i'm very impressed.. I'm going to ask him to play it to me again in person :D It was the sweetest most wonderful gift ever.

Went out to Greco's for dinner, got drunk off merlot, watched a movie and then went out for some beers and live music later. My ex, who is also one of my bestest friends was there and actually ended up paying for the bulk of the night. He's really generous. They also got me this awesome cake it was SO YUMMY! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.. I also got to see Julie! and Julia came out for the night ( not dinner but i was so happy to see her) and Ella came; Justin, Ivy, Rob, Amish and nana came for dinner. It was nice :)

I liked the ice cream cake at mum's house too though. I miss my parents. I kinda had a bit of an argumetn with them over the weekend. They're concerned of what my future plans are but I really have no idea what they might be :( And I have no time to be worrying or writing about this because I have so much to do :(

Well anyways.. I better go aned get some work done. Shelly thanks for always making me feel better.. you're a total natural born mommy :D

I hope everyone else is doing well too. Thx for visiting my page.


Mar 20, 2006 at 06:42 o\clock

Another Year past

So 30 mins ago I turned 24.. shit.. that's a big number.. almost at the halfway mark of the decade in which I have a licence to party and live recklessly.
Turning 24 is a somber experience. For the first time I DO feel different and it's frightening. For the first time I don't know what's next and it pisses me off!

My friend Julia mailed me to say she's not coming to the dinner thing tomorrow cuz of class which sucks cuz I haven't seen her in forever.. partly due to classes and partly due to her growing closeness with her bf who hogs her. I hope she can make it out for drinks.

I seriously don't even want to CELEBRATE my birthday.. i'm humouring my friends who are insisting. This totally sucks. Atleast my ex who is my friend will be there. I haven't hung out with him properly in awhile. I really wish Mani was coming out tonight to watch me get hammered and be there for me to hold back my hair when it all comes back up. ( actually no, I'll never puke)

Mostly I wish my friends in Toronto were going to be there. I missed Lisa this weekend at home because she went to a soca jam ( to which I was supposed to go.. wouldn't that have been a site, a tall asian chick at a fricking soca jam.. what a trip that would be for some) but this girl that I stopped beign friends with was going to be there and I just didn't want to have to deal with making fakeass conversations and pretending like I was interested in her life and asking her all kinds of insincere, lame questions. Especially since we didn't exactly end on a sweet note!

I think I need to get out of this low, so I'm going to dance and sing to 80s music ( I fricking love that decade).. it's brilliant.

I wish you could all be with me tomorrow. Now I have to look for an outfit to wear and my mom lost the suede shoes I was planning to bring back to wear so I have to adjust accordingly

I'll leave you with one of the best songs of the 80's but definitely one of the worst videos ever.. so save urself and don't waste ur time watching it:)


Mar 18, 2006 at 17:09 o\clock

My apology for Mani

I owe mani an apology... he was very upset to see that I wrote that I thought he bought me the tshirt to " shut me up" especially because he was thinking about how much I'd love the tshirt and really doesn't have any money to be buying me these things AND since he's been practicing for days on an electric guitar with no pick cuz his brothers took the acoustic and the pick :( So I owe him the biggest apology ever :( Sorry Mani, I won't be so ungrateful and presumptuous again:(


Mar 17, 2006 at 00:05 o\clock

been thinking about me?



night shift and then 9:30 class? BRUTAL. My parents don't know I'm working at the desk because they wanted me to quit and just use their money for rent and food and stuff.. I still think I should make some money too... so here I am.. killing myself to make some pocket change.. JUST when I thought I was spending more than I could afford ( you know ebay and my Radiohead obsession) I file income taxes and am expecting a hefty return!

OHHHHH DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH THAT MONEY! ebay-->Radiohead Big ASK ... that's right baby.. Thom and Jonny are performing a small benefit concert to an intimate group of 1000 people.. that's 1000 tix sold in 14 seconds... yes.. and I didn't get them but they are now being sold on ebay exploiting helpless obsessed fanatics such as myself... I'm drooling over these tickets.. salivating all over my keyboard just itching to press the bid now button... only if I manage to buy the tickets I wouldn't manage to afford plane fare and hotel to London England.. I checked! I want to ask dad to pay for my birthday but ther eis NO WAY IN HELL he'll let me fly to england for a concert.. EVEN THOUGH I'D GIVE MY ORGANS AND ARMS FOR THIS CONCERT! DAMMIT! :(

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BUT YUOU wanna know waht's SO SUPER GREAT! Mani bought me a radiohead tshirt from ( visit the WASTE section. he bought me a tshirt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH! so awesome! i love it .. it came in the mail yesterday and I freaked out.

Anyhoo, although I was excited, I was a little nervous that mani bought me that tshirt so that he wouldn't have to follow through on his word that he could learn " I'm thinking about you"( one of radiohead's earliest and only love songs) but I totally was wrong!. although now he's saying he might not be able to sing and play it at the same time... I should be annoyed because he had forever to practice but I'm SO HAPPY that he's been practicing to play it for me and not just buying a present to shut me up. Now I know that the present was actually heartfelt and that he really DOES want to make me happy with the song :D SO GREAT! I totally didn't give him enough credit... so anyhoo, even if he just plays the guitar for the whole bit of the song it doesn't matter if he doesn't sing :D ISN'T HE GREAT!?


what else.. I'm at the lib .. like a fricking zombie... ZOMBIE

waiting for my group to get here.. two assignments due tomorrow... I feel like absolute ass.. snuck in a burger and fries and am chowing down like a mad cow at the computer station .. hehe.. whatta rebel I am


Mar 15, 2006 at 20:53 o\clock

I love Shellbug so much right now..

Thx Shell-belle.. you really made my day :)

And Shellee marie too.. thx for stopping by.



Mar 15, 2006 at 02:12 o\clock

A heart that's full up like a landfill...

I'm in a shitty mood... dunno why.. just shitty
Things are unraveling fast. I'm unhappy about a lot of things in my life. I'm NEver usually unhappy. I'm a very optimistic person usually * i know you would never be able to tell when I rant but it's the unsugarcoated me that I subject my blogigo friends to*

I hate having a bf I never get to see except for over the internet, I hate having to stay in this apt with girls I'm never going to speak to again after I move out, I hate not being nearer to my family and friends.. it just seems like i'm hating a lot of things and I don't like feeling so negative.. because I hate haters! OMG I could rant about one right now, but I just don't want to expend that much energy.
At a time where all I want to do is crawl under a rock and hibernate for the rest of my life, I just can't let myself and feel that I have to keep trecking on.. such conflicting feelings inside keep fucking with my brains. Seriously, do these hard times EVER END?

Well as you know... or perhaps I didn't say, I messed up my applications and they were sent past the due date so I have no idea what I'm going to be doing next year. Not only that but one of my reference letters did not go over too well. It seems that my prof did not think I conducted myself professionally when I gave him thank you gifts before he had written my letter ( which I totally thought he had already written) but enough of blaming others. I have to be honest. I am plagued with self doubt because perhaps my application will be rejected since I simply couldn't contend with the pool of other hopefuls. It's just such a maddening feeling. I used to be on top of the world and I just keep toppling.

If I get into the program here, I'm really going to die because I'm so desperate to get out of this place. I've associated all negative things to it.

I feel so helpless in every regard and sometimes, I am immobilized by my uncertainties that I barely have the will power to pick up a pencil or get off my seat to go places. It's just an awful feeling really.

I know it sounds like I'm about to give up and sometimes I really wish I would but I've got a really stubborn resolve to kick ass harder, hardest and it just won't let me rest.


I'm such a complexed person.

Most of that probably made no sense to you but for all it's worth, it's made me come to terms I suppose, with the state that I'm in. I only have myself to blame but I hope later on I'll have only good to write about


Mar 12, 2006 at 16:39 o\clock

omg I ruined Radiohead?


i had the craziest dream last night.. Radiohead were trying to redefine themselves and decided to move into the attic of my townhouse which I don't actually have but it was like. of exaggerated height and the window was the face of a clock.. you know.. london styles.. so anyways! There was Rachel too! Who was beautiful in my dreams but I saw a not so flattering pic of her once which made me happy, anywyas! So there was Radiohead and I was asked to join the group and play the Ondes Martenot HAHAHAHAHAHAH omg! ( that's the crazy shrieking instrument that Jonny plays and is characteristic of Post OK C songs) anyways! I was playing it wrong, like a guitar ( in my dream it was also shaped like an O) and I blew the fuse and the feedback was so bad, Thom had a fit and smashed his guitar and the whole crowd just left! WTF! but Thom wasn't angry at me, he just ranted like some artist who was losing his fanbase and was trying to start up again.. kinda like Mariah Carey.. but in my dream, to me this wasn't a possibility.. WHY WOULD RADIOHEAD NEED TO REINVENT THEMSELVES AND WIN BACK CRAZY FANATICS LIKE ME? omg.. it was just a horrible horrible nightmare. He also looked at pretty-dream-Rachel so lovingly.. and had a newborn baby.. I don't know if that was supposed to be their daughter Agnes in my dream but she was really cute.. and upsetting as this is..Rachel was so sweet.. !

I woke up feeling awful awful awful.. what a total nightmare.

I have to do a lot of work today as it has been every other day.. I hope things are good for everyone else

Extra hugs for Mey and Jackie.. I've never known depression until I came to live in this dreary town called Kingston .. perhaps I do not know it to the extent that you two do but if it's anything like what I know, I hope you two will see the humour in things again soon. luv u :)

Alright! I'm out!


Mar 7, 2006 at 04:03 o\clock

what kind of seducer are you?

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural
You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.

You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?

You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

Mar 6, 2006 at 17:05 o\clock

a thought

When you care about someone, isn't it right to be there for them when they need you instead of being concerned of how the consequences would affect yourself?

EDIT: ok.. things are talked out between me and mani and me and my ex who is now working on being my friend again :) And mani is totally supportive! he's fantastic :)

Mar 5, 2006 at 16:29 o\clock

rough week

I've been having a really bad week. Assignments unfinished, stress stress stress.. my friend Rob's bday party was really good until I got into an altercation with my ex who also happened to be my best friend for awhile. Don't worry though.. things are resolving themselves.. and he's not a jerk.. I am the jerk it's really sad and I'm not up for talking about it. I feel so confused and I don't know what's going on, I wish all the awkwardness would disappear and I could have my best friend back.

Sometimes, I wish I could just disappear without a trace.. like Richey Manic


Mar 1, 2006 at 03:34 o\clock



I'M BAcking all my stuff and am going to have to reformat fricking everything... EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ugh.. am pissed

RH CD's came in the mail today.. they are burnt but they are of concerts that happened in 94, 96 etc et. EXCITING! there were previous lyrics to No surprises I have never heard before...

no no... don't discredit me.. i know the other version where he's like " she was sick of .." that part.. there is ANOTHER lyrical change that happened before OK computer was finished.. when they were testing OKC stuff on the road at the end thom goes " such a pretty house and..."

GUESS WHAT HE SAYS ( if you care)?????


aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah... when I heard "house and Ev.." I was like
"waitaminute! thom is getting the words wrong!"

but i mean.. how silly is that... thom is getting the words wrong.. he can change them and that would be the new rock Gospel... ya know what I'm saying???? ... such little joys in life.. sigh.. I need to stop buying RH that's for sure.. Man.. I wish I had limitless $$$... i'd follow them on EVERY world tour.. sigh :(

okok.. my mom has been following me around and asking me to get a new wool jacket for months... she's this proper lady and wants me to wear proper lady attire.. but the wool jackets she bought for my sisters were each hundreds of dollars and I just didn't feel like spending that kinda cash on a jacket I wouldn't wear in ugly ugly kingston...

then I saw the cutest wool jacket on the cover of a chinese magazine clipping.. or maybe it was japanese.. i dunno that's not the point... and I BOUGHT IT :D... BUT GET THIS! the Large size was 34" in the bust and 27" in the waist! I'm going to have to suck myself in to fit into it but whne you see it, you'll agree.. it's TOTALLY WORTH IT!

Yeah baby.. i'm totally pimpin

OK.. so I've totally indulged undeservingly in spending this month.. i don't even want to tell you the total.. and so I've actually quit ebay... for reals. it's over between us. it was tough, painful, heartbreaking.. i even shed a tear.. but it just won't work out in the future.. I know it.. and so does my hungry tummy.

Talk later

tchocky pocky