Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon

Jan 29, 2006 at 15:33 o\clock

wild night last night

OMG, i don't remember the last time I danced so hard!
except for the asshole who rubbed his crotch on me.. I would have punched him but I was trying to keep from puking. Rob and Migchels kept feeding me drinks and JUSTIN ( Rob's new cutie of a bf) was there and I just LOVE him to death. I was with Rob and Justin the Migchels and her adorable sister the whole night ( the way I wanted it to be.. there were people there I feel uncomfortable around because.. well..nm) OMG and our friend BRad showed up in kingston and for once he spent the night with us and not his gf Alexis!!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

came homeand headed straight for the shower.. i had everyone's sweat on me, then I fell asleep zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


next weekend I'm headed for home to get some food in me :D
See ya!
dance dance dance dance dance

Jan 29, 2006 at 03:55 o\clock

Karma Police... was a bit harsh this time.. perhaps..

Ok so here is a story:

My father grew up with this one friend of his in Korea during the time Korea was going through a transition. He knows what it is to be hungry, let's say.

Anyways, so when I was in high school, my dad let his friend of thirty years go in on a business venture with him. My uncle is a millionaire businessman in Korea and was selling my father some of his arcade/casinos. My dad went in on it with his friend of thirty years only my father had to go back and forth from Canada and Korea. During this time, it was quite difficult for us as we didn't see my father until every six months but the good thing was money was quite good and my parents were going to buy me a Lexus in a few months.

Then it happened, my father's friend had embezzled money and sold my fathers stock shares illegally cheating out of more money than I care to mention. I didn't get my car but I didn't care at all.. my father was so hurt... he is the most loyal friend to anyone and this was a shocker for him. He came back from Korea, so thin, so aged so quickly and it was just a very hard time for him. Since then we've been in all sorts of legal battles but that manipulative bastard had investigators, bankers, lawyers on his side ( probably giving them my fathers shares, that bastard) ... that effectively ended the friendship. My mother asked them just for the money they invested to begin wtih back just for our pride.. because the stress of this legal battle was just not worth it for my parents.. money is just money.. we were happy living modestly without that kinda shit to deal with. It caused problems within our family, between my uncle and my dad.. it was just awful..

So since then we've really hated the man, because of how sad he made our father. Our father wasn't sad for very long, he's really not greedy and he's since been very appreciative of what he did have.. he told us he was the richest man alive because, as he put it, he had three beautiful daughters, a loving caring and supportive ( not to mention gorgeous) wife and a cute lil son who he got to spend more time with. Since then, the wealthy bastard has been cheating on his wife being a sugar daddy to all these tramps with my dad's money.

We've forgotten about him, I learned not to be so trusting out of all of this... and never to go into business with a friend.

Yesterday my father told my sister , " i have a weird feeling.. i feel sad.. I dunno why.. something strange has happened to my friend"
well.. not really "friend" but we knew he was talking about him.

we dismissed it.. then a phone call came and we found out that my dad's ex friend died.... in his sleep... :s

When I was young, I really wanted this to happen, I hate this man so much and I remember that the summer before, he sent his daughter to mooch off us for a whole summer and my dad insisted I give her a few "american" albums of mine. They were all british anyways, but then I remember hardcore regretting giving them to her, even though she's not to be blamed for her asshole dad.

ok.. besides the creepy psychic dad part, it's actually quite a tragic story... you went through so much trouble to cheat your most loyal friend out of so much money .. all for what.. a few extra change for the little short life you had left. you were a shit husband a shit father.. what really do you have to show for your life? Puts it in perspective for us.. my dad really was the richer man.

The friend my dad was telling this story to is a restaurant owner and he said to my dad "you must be happy" but on the contrary, my father was quite sad.. I think he felt sorry for his friend.. he knew the struggles as a young boy they went through just to get enough food... made him money hungry and he didn't even live a fulfilling life. My father said that just because he wasn't friends with him anymore doesn't mean he'd wish that on him... my daddy is so sweet.. I feel sad that this is bothering my father.. he's just a puppy really.. he looks scary to boys and he is sorta macho and not romantic and stuff (he looks like Clint Eastwood.. a bit younger though) but he's really just a marshmellow inside.. only his daughters will see this side to him though.. :P

Anyways.. i thought it was a story worth sharing.. money isn't worth giving up friendships for.. or any relationship really.

On another note, it's my parents'  silver anniversary today. I want to wish them the best, even though they don't know about this site... I love them so much, I'm so blessed that I feel guilty.

No more complaining.. I'm so lucky in life.
The Karma Police is gonna get you

Jan 28, 2006 at 23:39 o\clock

I'mma rabbit in ur headlights.. Christian suburbanite.....I've got money to burn...

This song isn't by Radiohead. It's actually by UNKLE but they asked Thom to sing on it... since then everyone thinks it's a Radiohead song because Thom's voice isthe most characteristic thing about Radiohead songs... but the song is great and the video is cool too... yay UNKLE

I'm a bit disappointed with the video though because on the track near the end of the song Thom is REALLY screaming it.. AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! that! and it sounds so pretty.. but there is none of that inthe video.

Going out partying tonight.. see yuh!
tchocky bocky pocky tocky

Jan 28, 2006 at 16:28 o\clock

Maybe you'll be president.. but know wrong from right

Everyone is leaving Blogigo!

I think I'll stay here though.. i'm not affected as much by prepend and it's a wonder i've been able to figure out how to use and maintain this site at all, I can't be bothered to make a new blog... however, I just wanted to say byebye to everyone I hope you'll keep checking on ur tchocky.

I'll still visit ur sites of course :)


going to go shopping for shoooooooooooooooooes.. I love shooooooooooooooooooooooooooes..... shooooooooooooooooooooooooes

Jan 27, 2006 at 23:54 o\clock

They were cheering and waving,.. cheering and waving...


So today I had a little meeting with the head of graduate school admissions at my school. I was a bit nervous as he and four other prof s would be sitting around evaluating my application form.

Anyhoo, I met him and he was this piercing blue eyed prof who didn't have that air of snobbery to him ( you know THOSE profs) and somehow our conversation turned to music and I would say we spent the rest of the time talking about Radiohead, Kaiser Chiefs, Mogwai, Bjork, Franz Ferdinand and Sigur Ros.. and some oldies like Velvet Underground.. etc etc... i mean.. WHO WAS THIS GUY! He was way older than me too! It was funny but I was in a crazy surreal moment. I kept shaking my head in disbelief...

I don't know if I totally blew it or if he likes me. .. damn.. what is wrong with me!?!?! why would I bring up Radiohead in a conversation???? how did this happen?!?!?!?

Anyhoo, a bunch of my friends are coming to Kingston to visit so I will be out this weekend!!! tah tah my lovlies!

PS. .. daddy peppersprayed himself in the face.. hahahahhahahah

twenty-twenty-twenty-four hours to go... i wanna be sedated

Jan 27, 2006 at 01:30 o\clock

We're not scare mongering... this is really happening

I"m at work and I'm sooooooo bored!

Stupid assignments... yargh

I like this song Idioteque.. do you? It makes me happy... because.. even with the bleak lyrics, it's still one of Radiohead's happiest songs...

goodness me...idioteque... one of Radiohead's happiest songs?....  maybe Radiohead is the reason for the way I am... I need to start listening to some happier music... maybe I'll listen to music about the bling and the bitches and the hoes and the wangstas...

anyhoo.. I need coffee or atleast sedation to the point of unconsciousness... not this shit ass mood I'm in now

hope ur having a happier time than I am



ps.. i accidently almost erased everything.. i'll put the lovely banner back up as soon as my shift is over

Jan 26, 2006 at 01:34 o\clock


I just got off webcam with my bf.. I just had to share.. he's so gorgeous :)

Jan 26, 2006 at 00:03 o\clock

it got edited fucked up,.. strangled beaten up.. used as a photo in Time magazine

above the No surprises video is a clip from Meeting people is easy ( Radiohead's documentary while on the OK computer tour.. it's awesome) anyways.. the director for this video also did the documentary (as far as I can remember.. i don't know how i know this but I swear I think i must have read it somewhere).. i think his name is Grant Gee.. so the little window of Thom spazzing out is a clip of him swearing his head off and banging his head violents against the helmet after repeated attempts to hold his breath under water for as long as he managed to do in the actual video. So many times he had to push the buttons for the water to gush out of his helmet... i think he got really pissed off after having to do the take like 50 times. hehehe.. I always had that thing but I never knew how to make use of it.

Anyhoo, went to the gym for body sculpting class.. the first time I went to work out in what seems like years.. OMG.. my legs were jello... my housemate Katlyn was laughing at me and she got me 4 2pound weights so that I could go from 4 pounds in each hand to 2 if it was too much... i NEVER EVEN HELD MORE THAT 2 at any given time. My legs were so much like jello it took my 30 mins to walk home ( it usually only takes 10) and I had to hold the hand rail with both hands coming down any stair along the way... HOLY CRAP! you think because you can fit into a certain sized jean ur fit but that is COMPLETELY NOT THE CASE! I was stretching things I didn't know you could stretch and I was working muscles that I didn't know existed... omg.. i'm going to be SO SORE tomorrow.... i didn't realize I was so inflexible.. I think I'll continue going to these things.. it's really a great form of stress relief.. I am under so much stress right now and it's doing my head in but my body feels surprisingly relaxed ( maybe it's on the verge of paralysis).

Anyhoo, just thought I'd explain the tantrum.. I LOVE THOM!

Jan 24, 2006 at 14:21 o\clock


so the coachella concert I was downloading ( the festival that Radiohead headlined in LA) finished downloading and I woke up really early to watch it. OMG... it was phenomenal... I was going to pay 600 for tix and another 1200 to fly there and stay overnight for the festival only at the time it was my ex ex bf who wanted to take me and I was with my now ex bf ... in retrospect I should have TOTALLY gone! They played Creep! The crowd was so frenzied they didn't know what to do with themselves! And then Thom dedicated to the Pixies who were also at the festival making a comeback (where are they now? i have no idea)
but i don't care so long as Radiohead    NEVER goes away. I happen to know there were loads of celebrities in the crowd but no one was paying any attention to them anyways.
anyways... I'm really sad I missed it... will I ever attend a concert at which they'll play creep? it's so unlikely it hurts
anyhoo, gotta go to school!

Jan 24, 2006 at 07:08 o\clock

Bring down the government .. they don't speak for us

I really want to write an entry but I have nothign to say. I don't usually peruse through other journals except for a handful of people who have commented on my blog in the past. To be honest, I had no idea that people read other people's blogs.. I thought only people who knew the blog existed such as family and friends could really come across the site... I know, I'm so ignorant arent' I? Then one day Shelly msged me and I was like Shellbug who?

Since then I've had the opportunity to intimately get to know ( not in that way mentlerestlessness, so you can quit being restless right now) many people which was quite surprising, considering I didn't expect much more than the crap I offer up on my blog now and then. I came across rather sad and tragic blogs.. I wonder how therapeutic a blog could be for those people. For the sake of their privacy ( which is weird cuz it's a public blog :s) I won't be spreading news that isn't mine to spread.

Mani was accepted to work in Hong Kong today but he turned it down because it conflicts with his plans to come study here in september.. I am relieved and upset at the same time because although he is not moving to the edge of the earth, he still is very much in need of a get-rich-quick scam.

In other news, the fucking Tories won.. atleast it's a minority government, I half want to see them fuck things up terrilbly so the Canadian public will never make the stupid-ass mistake of ever voting Conservative again... poor grits had to pay the consequences for the mistake of their predecessors... FUCK! I HATE THE FUCKING TORIES! stupid canadians...

that's what you get when the most ignorant citizens decide to "teach a lesson" to the most competent party they have... idiots...

And what is this about Paul stepping down... I rather liked the man.. what? he wasn't charismatic enough for you?

all-this-partisan-politicking-distracted-voters-from-the-fact-that-the-tories-are-FUCKING CRAZY!

Jan 23, 2006 at 22:12 o\clock

A heart that's full up like a landfill...

A heart that's full up like a landfill, a job that slowly kills you, bruises that won't heal. You look so tired-unhappy, bring down the government, they don't, they don't speak for us. I'll take a quiet life, a handshake of carbon monoxide, with no alarms and no surprises, no alarms and no surprises, no alarms and no surprises, Silent silence. This is my final fit, my final bellyache, with no alarms and no surprises, no alarms and no surprises, no alarms and no surprises please. Such a pretty house and such a pretty garden. No alarms and no surprises, (Get me outta here) no alarms and no surprises, (Get me outta here) no alarms and no surprises (Get me outta here) please.

Jan 23, 2006 at 07:38 o\clock


29.99 USD for Spyware Doctor... plus 50 dollars shipping and handling fees.. being delivered via the internet... assholes.

Jan 22, 2006 at 06:55 o\clock

They fed us on little white lies..

Red wine and sleeping pills Help me get back to your arms Cheap sex and sad films Help me get where I belong I think you're crazy, maybe I think you're crazy, maybe Stop sending letters Letters always get burned It's not like the movies They fed us on little white lies I think you're crazy, maybe I think you're crazy, maybe I will see you in the next life Early version has a second verse: Beautiful angel Pulled apart at birth Limbless and helpless I can't even recognize you I think you're crazy, maybe (x6) I will see you in the next life

Jan 22, 2006 at 06:47 o\clock

twitching and salivating like with myxomatosis

Today I was at work and I overheard girls talking about their bfs and how stressful it was that they lived on different sides of the campus etc etc... it made me really sad. I don't think I've ever missed a bf before in my life. Usually when they were away or if I was away, it was out of sight out of mind for me. Lately, I've been missing Emmanuel a lot. I know that he thinks I only miss him because I am away from my family and stuck in this hellhole called Kingston going to school with  rich little private school brats who bought their way in but in all honesty, although the smiling face of my baby brother would make this easier, I'd still miss mani a lot.

So as I was sitting at the front desk working my part time job, I decide to check my emails and there was this letter from him that read

just woke up for a second to go to the bathroom...saw computer was on...just wanted to say I loved you


So weird that I would smile uncontrollably at a boy saying that he loved me instead of cringing like I normally do.
Long D is definitely hard
But when your bf is as sweet as this, it's definitely worth every second

dammit, my stupid metal -exposed wrist is taking ages to heal..I HATE THIS STUPID ALLERGY! stupid cheapass buckle on bracelet.. F#%$!!!!!!!!!!!!
heading-toward... my-bigass-poofy-duvet

Jan 21, 2006 at 06:52 o\clock

Don't get sentimental, it always ends up drivel

So I know I said all my vids were dedicated to Mey this week.. and they still are but I wanted to share Mani's fave radiohead song with her. Maybe these songs will be as therapeutic for her as they have been for me. My bf and his friends refer to Radiohead songs as " i want to kill myself" songs. On the contrary, the one thing about Radiohead songs that makes them so therapeutic to people everywhere is that after they've thoroughly evaluated everything that is bleak and shit in life, they always have this strange way at the end to present a clear undertone that implies hope. So really, Radiohead songs are always hopeful and so it's not, as you say, " i want to kill myself" music.. it's totally therapeutic and more beautiful than anything else I've found on earth.

So, I know my bf doesn't delve to deep into the meaning of the lyrics and songs and I think he views this as one of Radiohead's love songs which aren't so politically charged. .. er.. that's not quite true, there is like one line that mentions love at all in this song but other than True Love Waits, A punchdrunk lovesick singalong ( B side) and you know those love songs that are more about self-loathing than love anyways ( Creep and Thinking about you).. Fake Plastic Trees may be as close to a love song as you're going to get out of these fellows for awhile.

I think with Fake Plastic Trees Radiohead is making a social commentary but I'll let you interpret it as you see fit.

In any case, the song is beautiful, Thom's voice is at it's peak and this is definitely a defining song that drew me deeper into this dark obsession-land of extreme fandom. ( but it was never my favourite... weird huh?)

I've been trying to think about something else to share on my blog but as of late, I don't really have anything worthwhile to share. I'm working on applications for grad school, and I've been spending more time talking to Mani on the phone ( he's so sweet he called and stayed up until 4 in the morning to make me feel better).

OMG... my stupid cheapass desk lamp from IKEA keeps turning on and off by itself.. stupid piece of junk @#$Q@#%Q@$.. scares the shit out of me. I swear I'm goign to toss it out my window.. if only the pizza delivery men would move.

Also, I haven't been putting up posts because everyone seems to be going through a traumatic period.. and what are my biggest worries?? That nobody will be translating the subtitles for Naruto anymore and I'll have ended the series at episode 166. Stupid nerd bf who introduced me to ninja anime....
joking :) He's so cute!!!!! and so is Naruto, Rock Lee, Hinata, Shikamaru, Neji...

Ok.. so today my friends were trying to get a hold of me to go clubbing YET AGAIN and then my friend Loughlin was trying to get me to go to a bar... i've reached a new low.. as I'm at home downloading songs from the 80's and 90's and Naruto 168 while my friends are getting hammered and having fun.
However, I DID get to talk to Mani for a long time so it was worth not going. He might be going to Hong Kong to teach english to earn some money before he finally settles in Canada permanently ( atleast for 4 years anyways) and how could I expect him to turn down this opportunity. They sell shit there for super cheap so I told him to buy me something pretty.. and nothing electronic because that seems to be the only thing on his mind when you mention hong kong... cheap nerd toys.
ok.. this entry is way too long.. I'm goign to go sleep now
night folks

Jan 20, 2006 at 13:37 o\clock

Let Down - the best part of the song is cut off:( enjoy anyhoo

Transport, motorways and tramlines Starting and then stopping Taking off and landing The emptiest of feelings Disappointed people clinging on to bottles And when it comes it's so so disappointing Let down and hanging around Crushed like a bug in the ground Let down and hanging around Shell smashed, juices flowing Wings twitch, legs are going Don't get sentimental It always ends up drivel One day I'm going to grow wings A chemical reaction Hysterical and useless Hysterical and ... Let down and hanging around Crushed like a bug in the ground Let down and hanging around Let down again Let down again Let down again You know, you know where you are with You know where you are with Floor collapsing Floating, bouncing back And one day.... I am going to grow wings A chemical reaction Hysterical and useless Hysterical and... Let down and hanging around Crushed like a bug in the ground Let down and hanging around

Jan 20, 2006 at 13:23 o\clock


So, howd you like my spiffy new look? I know, isn't it awesome. Ihave Mey to thank.. SHE IS SO SWEET! So, for the next week, all my of Radiohead videos are dedicated to her.. because, she pimped my blog.. hahah.. pimped my blog...

TO Mey: I'm really sorry that you're going through so much all at one time, I hope the sun will come through for you soon *big hugs*

TO Shellebelle: I'm really sorry you left but I want to say that it was really unselfish of you to delete your blog in hopes to patch things up with your brother. I know that you're really hurt but he's your brother and I'm sure he misses you a lot too.

TO mentlerestlessness: I'm still annoyed so you owe me 10 boxes of Godivas next time I see you

TO ilovetchocky: Get off your ass and make your way to school you useless bum

TO everyone else: byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


Jan 15, 2006 at 20:57 o\clock


Old man lying on the ground: " What is that you say?"

Still grappling with the inevitable struggles of my young life


Jan 12, 2006 at 07:14 o\clock

Stress makes me sad

I guess ur all wondering what I've been doing lately. Perhaps you haven't and if that is the case please excuse me for being so presumptuous :P

It's been a hectic start of a new semester, not unhappy about my first semester results but not absolutely pleased either but seriously, not bad at all.

I've been really stressed out about something. I'm really trying hard to get into a graduate program at U of T but there just seems to be too many things to consider not to mention that the program I'm applying to seems very competitive. I'm really stressed that I won't be able to go home. One of the main reasons I wanted to go home was to help my little brother in school and just to be around for him. He's confided in me that bullies pick on him in school and I think it hurts him a lot. He's such a kind-hearted kid, he is actually CONFUSED at why someone would get a kick out of tormenting someone. I know I'm supposed to be the mature one but I've actually daydreamt about kicking this kid's ass... and he's only 13. Stupid punk.

I have to stop worrying and start DOING things. Like making contacts and improving even further in school. There is no way around it I suppose :(

When things like this get me down, instead of feeling stress ( well no, I'm definitely stressed probably getting white hairs and growing kidney stones) but the most prevalent feeling that remains after the hysteria is unbelievable sadness. Not just sadness because of self-doubt or a bleak outlook but the kind of sadness unrelated to events: being completely and utterly lonely. Not that I'm lacking in friends or not hanging out with them either so I don't really understand WHY I feel loneliness... couldn't the chemicals in my brain imbalance in a way to cause euphoria when hardships come my way instead? Damn those chemicals.

My boyfriend said to me, " hardships happen so that you can build character" This made me smile. He's so sweet.

Well, I hope you are all doing well. If ur feeling lonely, here's a hug from me :)

Jan 7, 2006 at 17:26 o\clock

hello to all my gorgeous blogging friends

Sorry! shortly after my last shitty entry, I tried to write and redeem myself with a less shitty entry but then my parents got us this wicked powerful computer at home for Matty's birthday present ( on Boxing day) and they had this cookie thing blocked so all I could do was read all ur entries without commenting

my holidays were really really busy as well. I met with my friends, Di, Lisa, Joanna, Treldon, Rosa, Pat, and I ate a ton of food despite suffering from these invading wisdom teeth. Why do they call it wisdom teeth? They've actually caused me to consider ripping them out with a wrench multiple times this holiday.

Well I hope everyone had a really great Christmas. I want to say thanks to Shelly, I JUST got ur card last night ( I got into kingston.. sniff.. i miss Toronto so much already) and it was soooo sweet.. quite cool actually.. u have fantastically girly handwriting. :)

Well, not much else is new with me except for the fact I have exactly 8 mountains of laundry to do right now so I shall be off!

Hope you've missed me as I've missed you. PS Shelly! remember the thing u asked me to do on the other thing? I forgot about it! will do that today!

Happy 2006!