Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon

Dec 29, 2005 at 09:21 o\clock

shit I feel so bad

over700 hits since my last entry. I'm so sorry.
Things have been absolutely crazy since I came back to Toronto for the holidays. I've been out with like 3 friends a day and I've been shopping like a mad woman. Plus, I tried to sign on Christmas to wish everyone a Merry Christmas but Blogigo wouldn't let me and then I had to get to midnight mass. I'm sowwyyyyyyyyyy.... fogive?

I didn't get to talk to Mani much over the holidays.. that's a whole nother issue. But no matter! I had a lot of fun visiting friends, eating food and tons of chocolates!

hmmm...
I guess I could write about a few of my friends. Well for starters, I met up with my friend Dianne and her bf of like.. 8 years or something ( since frigging grade 9!!! (although not continuous.. best described as a tumultuous but destined relationship perhaps) for breakfast with her sister Eileen and her live in bf from Detroit.. I had all you can eat !!! yum! I'm such a gross pig, I ate a plate of bacon, a plate of scrambled eggs, a plate of potatoes and a belgian waffle and french toast with grapefruit juice.. man! I am so full of cholesterol right now I can feel it floating in and clogging up my veins! wahoo for me!
It's ok though, my grandparents always complain that I got too skinny even if I actually gained weight from the last time they saw me. I'm sure I woulda made them proud.

I feel really awful because Di gave me a card but I didn't end up giving her one.. I'm so unsentimental sometimes.. it bothers me. We ended up giving each other hair care products, shampoo, conditioner and hair serum funny huh? and I also got her this mechanical eyebrow pencil with refills... she loves that stuff. She bought me a black lace thong from Jacob with two pink bows on the sides and lindt chocolates, a precious moments snowglobe with a bear and a bunny having tea inside it and it says, " you make life sweeter " :) she's so cute!!!

I bought my friend Julia a slutty clubbing top because that's what she wanted :P hahahaahah Julia if ur reading this ur a slut :P
Oh
I bought my friend Lisa Hello Kitty slippers, a shiny stuffed pig ( SO FREAKING CUTE) filled with those microbead things that make the pig feel so coooool! and Winnie the Pooh milk pens ( you know the pretty ones that writes on black paper)
She gave me Mrs. Fields cookies and we watched Sex and the City (dvds (alll seasons!) from Trelly) until we fell asleep.
Hmm... what else......
Rachelle a necklace
Wendy a dangly black Boho necklace
Erica, 60 bucks ( i suck, I was supposed to buy her bras and panties)
Matty got video games and a new computer that we girls cosigned with our parents ( but really they paid for it all)
I bought mani a hat that said " I'm a legend in Japan" from American Eagle.. i know.. so cheap but seriously speaking, when am I going to see him next?
wow.. it must be boring to hear what I got for everyone.

skip the next paragraph if u don't wanna know what I got
700 bucks worth of creams and makeup from my parents!!! my goodness how I love my parents!!!!!
clothes
necklace
money$$
hairdryer, slippers
what I said Di got me and haven't gotten a gift from Julia yet ( we have to swap still)
a purse from Rachelle
scarf
my mom is trying to drag me to go buy one of those 600 dollar  wool coats ( u know.. those mini-trenchcoat looking things)  she bought for each of my sisters but it's ridiculous.. I have no need to look so smart. I'm still a student living in the boonies in the freezing cold. What I need to do is hold onto my down jacket!
What i need is cash to pay off my credit card bill and my rent for two months dammit! Mani told me to sell my makeup :P.............no!

New Years is coming but I'm a bit Bah Humbug about it. I'm spending it with my friend Lisa, Jobo (Joanna) and Trelly so far. We want to get hammered we just don't know who is going to drive and where the hell we're going. I wish I were going to New York like Robbie is to watch the ball drop.
Oh yeah! I watched Brokeback mountain today with Robbie, Renee and her friend Jen. Tis so sad!

Random notes:
I forgot my friend Brianna's birthday on the 22nd and she's going to kill me and I feel so bad

I'm angry at my bf because he made a really shitty effort keeping in touch with me over the holidays

I'm really sorry you had to read this piece of shit entry but i'm so damn tired right now and the Big Mac i snuck into the theatre is getting to me

Goodnight everyone
Hope you had a merry christmas
tchocky
going-to-turn-into-a-chocolate-soon





Dec 19, 2005 at 04:20 o\clock

I have to defend Mani

I really need to defend my bf right now because I made a booboo.. my bf was trying to calm me down not downplay what happened to me. He also told me he was trying to calm himself down because it really pissed him off.. and I totally believe him cuz Mani is one jealous cookie.

Sorry if I made u look insensitive Mental Restlessness

luv u

tchocky

so-hung-over

Dec 18, 2005 at 16:41 o\clock

fun night.. in general

I had  fun last night...sortof...We drank at my house and then we all headed over to Elixir to dance dance dance. I was having so much fun until these two guys decided to grab my butt after I came out of the bathroom with my friend Julia. That ruined my whole night. I kept trying to dance after but all I could think about was how much I wish I had punched them when I turned around. I was so shocked and then when I turned around, there was a 50 cent and an Eminem impersonator that looked at me and went " sorry" .. how the fuck do you do that and then all you offer is a "sorry" after? I fucking hate these assholes! I just glared at them when I saw them again... fuck! just thinking about it makes my blood boil. I don't think boys understand how demeaning it is when this happens to you. I told my friend Rob and Mani and even though mani was pissed he thought that I shouldn't be SOOO upset! I was pissed! It's just an angry feeling u get when u have no control over something ur supposed to have control over. Not to mention it ruined half my night.

But the other half was fantabulous! Once I put more alcohol into my system. :P My leather boots were 3 inch stillettos though so it was a bit hard to get my groove on properly :p but they covered my calves  so I was warm atleast.

gotta get studying for my final exam now.. not too long before I get to go back to the city!
Byeeee
tchock
Next-time-I'mma- kick-some-gangsta-ass

Dec 18, 2005 at 00:49 o\clock

there was more


50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE? what life? all i do is study now! 51. WHOSE IS BETTER? ummmmm hmmmmm 52. ARE YOU PSYCHIC? Yes 53. HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"? yes 54. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS? I used to play piano but I want to learn guitar and drums 55. HAVE U EVER STOLEN MONEY? from my parents once 56. CAN YOU SNOWBOARD? IT'S HARD! SKIING IS MUCH EASIER 57. DO YOU LIKE CAMPING? I HATE camping! and I've been camping at places with showers and stuff... there is nothing appealing about camping at all.. bugs, uncomfortableness, bugs.. 58. DO U SNORT WHEN U LAUGH? no.. how do people snort while laughing anyways? 59. DOYOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? yes! 60. ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND? umm... no 61. YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE? if you gotta you gotta but I mean.. why did u get married in the first place? just stay together until u can;'t stand each other anymore.. saves legal trouble 62. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK? yeah! hey I didn't even know this was a question.. I list it as a talent 63. DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES? TOOOOOOO DAMN MANY! 64. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY? this is Canada... in the winter.... 65. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? french fries 66. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH? no, only when I have time to put it on. 67. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED? yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees have i ever! 68. WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL? There was this one about a plasma screen tv being busted by this kid playing baseball and the owner didn't care being he was wearing Dr. Scholl's Gels.. and the kids' friends ask him.. " was he yellin?" and the kid answers " no.. he was GELLIN'!!".............. TRUST ME IT'S NOT CUTE IT'S SO ANNOYING! 69. DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE? no.. but I bought a hat there for my bf 70. FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT? ... RADIOHEAD OF COURSE! at the moment?? at every moment!

Dec 17, 2005 at 22:09 o\clock

surveys are great


1. DO YOU SNORE? no

 2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER? this is a weird question.. both i guess

3. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR? failure and regret

 4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC? no but the cutest lego memory is when I was 14 and my brother was 2 and he stuck a nostril size lego up his nose and cried when he couldn' get it out.. hahahahahahhaha.. it was yellow... so cute

 5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY" TV? I really like the fashion guru ones and the home decor stuff but only if it's relaly big budget

 6. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS? no

 7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY? so they say

 8. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU? I actually LOVE the single life.. I've found that in my life only once a decade I've managed to find someone who lets me see there is more to single life sometimes

. 9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD? Black

10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? I used to, now I'm like GO GO GO GO GO!!

 11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED? YES at Canada's wonderland!

 12. ANY SECRET TALENTS? um,.. i dunno.. I can moonwalk

 13. WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?  Bahamas or a big city in Europe ( PARIS!!!!!)

14. IS JAY LENO FUNNY? Sometimes.

 15. CAN YOU SWIM? Yes

16. HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"? No.

17. DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE? i've been madly environment conscience since I was 8

18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP?  I never lick lollie pops, ice cream, popsicles.. I bite that thing off!

 19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS? only when drunk :P

. 20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLanE? yes many times but not as much as my diplomat bf.. he's been on the plane more times than the bus and he's got box after box after box filled with plane tickets

 L 21. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?  I am the oldest! J

22. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER? electric...like Napolean's cousin.. yes I loooove technologyyyyy

 23. WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING? scary

 24. IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE? I dunno, is Thom Yorke available? :P

 25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? its atrocious

 26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO? empty bank account

 27. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU"? just talked to daddy.. so 10 mins ago

 28. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE? which one? fat elvis or skinny elvis?

29. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS? never been to one since I was 10 and all i did was play with babies in the soundproof room the entire time

 30. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? hard boiled

 31. ARE BLONDES DUMB? Only the ones in the entertainment industry

. 32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP? damn Iwish I knew

 33. WHAT TIME IS IT? 4:02 pm

. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? yeah.. kinda.. everyone calls me by my last name

35. IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING? they are but they're food isn't

 36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR? too long ago :(
need to go hoooooooooome

37.DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS? shower.. I'm to busy.. always on the go!

38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL? no, I never got my $400 000 Tiffany diamond necklace! That skinflint bastard..

 39. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED? erm.. as long as there are no marks later

40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?no

41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO? Radiohead... after backing up 5 gigs worth of their stuff, I realized it's time to go seek professional help. I also love sour wine gums and chocolate anything

42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER? creamy

43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK? ew!

 44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE? yes, not pleasant to think about

 45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY? twice! i hate plaque

 46. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE? Yeah but I love being drugged up on Robitussin

 47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER? yah but I can be light when it's exam time

 48. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES? brown

Dec 12, 2005 at 06:20 o\clock

yargh soooo not wanting to study

 --UNIQUE--
1. Nervous Habits? I frown and my eyes dart all over the place.. I also chew the bottom corners of my lip and fidget like I've got ADD

2. Are you double jointed? no, that grosses me out.. my bf is and he loves to creep me out

 3. Can you roll your tongue? I THINK I AM THE ONLY ONE I KNOW THAT CAN'T!

 4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? only the left

 5. Can you blow spit bubbles? wah?

6. Can you cross your eyes? that i CAN do thank you very much

 7. Tattoos? No.. but I want a Radiohead deathbear on my hip

 8. Piercings and where? two in each ear

9. Do you make your bed daily? why make my bed when my bf does it for me?.. erm.. when he's here

--CLOTHES--

10. Which shoe goes on first? left

11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? I threw my friend's assholic ex-bfs shoes out the door in minus 40 weather to make a point.. but I wish I threw it at him instead

 12. On the average, how much money do you carry in your purse/wallet? 0... i'm all about the plastic baby

13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? Mani's gold/diamond ring he bought me, now a silver necklace with lotsa Bridget Jones like hearts dangling from it.. so pretttttttyyyyyyyy!!!!!

--FOOD--
15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? twirl

16. Have you ever eaten Spam? yuck! never

17. Favorite ice cream flavor? Chocolate.. anything with chocolate.. the more teh better.. like Ben and Jerry's Half baked chocolate

 18. How many cereals in your cabinet? none

19. What's your favorite beverage?Carbonated soft drinks not associated with Coca cola

20. What's your favorite restaurant? In Kingston? Take Sushi but in Toronto it's this Korean restaurant my dad's friend owns

21. Do you cook? erm.. I reheat

 --GROOMING--

22. How often do you brush your teeth? twice a day

 23. Hair drying method? airdry although when I blow dry it ( like once a year) I get compliments on my hair all day long.. damn.. maybe I should blowdry

24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair? yeah.. purple, brown, blond... am wanting to go super uber red like Thom Yorke in the Bends days but I have to figure out a way to do that without my parents noticing :s

--MANNERS--
25. Do you swear? Fuck no

26. Do you ever spit? ew.. although I find the whole snort spitting thing that guys do very intriguing.. it would save me the cost of Kleenex for shiz

 --WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE--

27. Animal? PUPPY WUPPIES!

28. Food? Korean

 29. Month? March

30. Day? Christmas

31. Cartoon? I really liked Emperor's new groove.. i mean.. only me and Mani seemed to have liked that movie.. I also love Little mermaid of course.. and all the other princess disney movies which is weird cuz.. cuz I'm not a princess at all!

32. Shoe Brand? don't matta.. it just has to be good quality

33. Subject in school? statistics and biochemistry

34. Color? white, black and blue

35. Sport? eeerm to play? Basketball

36. TV show? not really a tv watcher very sporadic

37. Thing to do in the spring? come out of my seasonal mood disorder depression

 38. Thing to do in the summer? wear itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bkinis

 39. Thing to do in the fall? get depressed

40. Thing to do in the winter? stay depressed and try to survive the cold

 --IN AND AROUND--

41. The CD player? Radiohead Radiohead, Radiohead.. Radiohead.........

 42. Person you talk most on the phone with? Boyfriend, sister, Julia, and mum

43. Ever taken a cab? omg.. I take cabs on really cold days but I'm really like a 10 mins walk from campus... yeah i know.. ok.. you're right, I'm a princess

 44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows and mirrors? I can't help it! I don't think anyone can really!

45. What color is your bedroom? white

46. Do you use an alarm clock? yes but my bf keeps plotting to murder it

47. Window seat or aisle? window

14. Favorite piece of clothing? my trackpants

 --LA LA LAND--

48. What's your sleeping position? on my belly, and sometimes my head buried under the pillow so that I can see my ostrich like bf :D he's so cute!

 49. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket? yes.. i could be in a sauna, I'll still cover myself with a blanket!

50. Do you snore? never.. unless extremely drunk I think.. atelast I always dream i'm snoring

 51. Do you sleepwalk? used to

52. Do you talk in your sleep? no.. my whole family screams in their sleep though it seems.. crazy people!

53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? SOOOO MANY

54. How about with the light on? I can sleep with bright ights in my face with music blaring

55. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on?I could fall asleep in the middle of a pounding club

 CHOOSE
 Pepsi ~ Coke :: PEPSI
Sprite ~ Mountain Dew :: DEW! IT'S A PEPSI PRODUCT!
Dr. Pepper ~ Root Beer:: NEITHER
Water ~ Milk:: WATER
Beer ~ Wine :: ERP! DON'T MAKE ME CHOOOOOOSE
Orange Juice ~ Grape Juice:: GRAPE JUICE
Butter ~ Margarine:: BUTTER
Hot Dog ~ Hamburger:: HAMBURGER
Cupcakes ~ Muffins:: MUFFINS
 Donuts ~ Bagels:: DONUUUUUUUUUUTS
Ice Cream ~ Cake::
ICE CREAM Cookies ~ Chocolate::
CHOCOLATE Dark Chocolate ~ Milk Chocolate :: MILK CHOCOLATE
Raspberries ~ Strawberries:: STRAWBERRIES
Apples ~ Bananas: APPLLES
 Cherries ~ Kiwis:: CHERRIES
Black ~ White:: WHITE
Guys ~ Girls:: GUYS
 Moon ~ Sun :: MOON
Night ~ Day :: NIGHT
Light ~ Dark :: LIGHT
Sea ~ Ocean :: OCEAN
Rap ~ Rock :: ROCK
N*SYNC ~ BSB:: ...................... i dunno!!!
Sublime ~ Bob Marley:: Bob for sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Puddle of Mudd ~ Nirvana :: NIRVANA
ACDC ~ Sex Pistols:: um.. ACDC... Sex pistols were are a bit too punk Hugs ~ Kisses:: Both!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want both!
 America ~ Europe:: EUROPE
Asia ~ Africa:: Asia.. gotta represent the motherland
Johnny Depp ~ Orlando Bloom:: JOHNNY DEPP...... Orlando sucks
Leo Dicaprio ~ Josh Hartnett::Josh.. LEO IS UGLY PEOPLE WHY CAN'T U NOTICE THIS!?
Pamela Anderson ~ Angelina Jolie:: PAMELA.. although angie is super cool too but Pamela is just too funny, I love her J
ennifer Anniston ~ Demi More:: JENNIFER is the most charismatic person in the industry
Ashton Kutcher ~ Justin Timberlake:: jebus.. do i have to choose? alright alright Ashton
Cows ~ Sheep:: sheep.. cows smell!
Soccer ~ Rugby:: SOCCER ( don't be angry at me Mani!... my bf is a Rugby pro)
Football ~ Hockey:: Hockey! HELLO! I'M CANADIAN!
Baseball ~ Basketball:: BASKETBALL
Swimming ~ Golf :: Golfing.. been golfing wiht daddy since i was 6
Hot ~ Cold:: HOT
This ~ That :: always wanting THAT
Pen ~ Pencil:: PEN
Short Hair ~ Long Hair:: I LOVE SHORT HAIR! i wish I could cut off all my hair like Annie Lennox but I don't quite have the patience for short hair.. it's too high maintenance

tchocky
Procrastinateur profesionnale

Dec 12, 2005 at 05:21 o\clock

yo

In short, this is the concert I would give all my limbs for ( maybe except my legs because I would need to stand) to rewind time and go back and see. Arguably the greatest live performance in history ( as hailed by many music mags) it was the debut of the most anticipated album of '97. ( Must I say it? Ok ok.. OK Computer) Yep.. this is Glastonbury '97.
Back in the day when Grammy's recognized good music,... not this bullshit line up we have going on this year.. argh.. it makes me too angry to talk about it..

Come back Radiohead *whimpers, cowers, tears a little* .. come back... :(


Dec 4, 2005 at 06:16 o\clock

heyo

quick entry

tonight at like 3am for them, tbo and his brother gaetan came online and I webcammed it with them and we used audio which was SOOOO cool because Gaetan started playing guitar ( oh by the way tbo and gaetan are Mani's handsome little brothers). So anyhoo, they had just watched Napolean Dynamite with Gaetan's friend Tab ( they are both going to school in England so Tabb has a lovely english accent), and I made Gaetan promise me that after I learned how to play the drums I could join their band. Gaetan got into a musical mood and started playing this song ur hearign now ( street spirit) and Tabb, who is a HUGE Radiohead fan like myself started singing and I got to choose all the songs they were going to sing!!!

They sang no surprises ( TABB HAS A REALLY GOOD VOICE!!!!!), high and dry, fake plastic trees, and then some 80's ( only Tabb and I were a fan of the 80's in the conversation so the 80's songs didn't last very long plus we were cut off by the connection into the second song anyways)

it's really cool, I was talking to Tabb about these CDs they could get over there in England and then realized that Tabb is actually the English, boy version of me! Actually, I only came to this conclusion after Tbo randomly mentioned that Tabb had bought the Naruto dvd's for his younger brother and I was like! Hey he's me!

So I really really really wished I was over their listening to live music instead of studying here. When they were singing Karma police, Tab did an improv and said " this is what you get when you mess with Sarah".. THAT TOTALLY MADE MY NIGHT!!! I LOVE LIVE MUSIC! ESPECIALLY WHEN PERSONALIZED!

I've been trying to get Mani to pen me a song for some time now but I don't know if he truly intends on writing me one. I've always imagined myself to be the muse to  a rock star bf ( namely Thom Yorke) who would pen a beautiful love song with lyrics that were so obscure you wouldn't even know it was a love song and it would just be lovely in all it's crazy loveliness.

Anyhoo, I think when I go to Toronto next year ( hopefully hopefully), I will have to get myself involved in the live music scene. I hope to organize or have some role where I would have an excuse to go watch live bands because even over webcam and a choppy microphone I had such a nice lil study break today!

See you all soon
tchock
study study study

Dec 3, 2005 at 02:44 o\clock

hi all

Sooooo I wrote out the schedule for exam studying and I think that .. you all will hear little to none of me for the next three weeks... I won't even have time to breathe I don't think.

However, I find that I am most frequent at blogging when I am the busiest so who knows?

I will check up on my blogigo friends though :)

Had to walk off campus today to buy a damn drink that wasn't a coke product... BOYCOTT COCA COLA.. unless you wish to support a huge corporate conglomerate who bullies poor south americans to only sell their products and kill union organizers in Columbia and their families to make more money for themselves.

Anyhooo, must get going, I'm falling behind schedule.. see yall later :)

tchocky

exams-are-gonna-kill-me

Dec 1, 2005 at 05:31 o\clock

school

no no i don't want to talk about school, scrath the title...

Guess I'll talk about school anyways...
I really want to get into the Masters program at U of T. What can I do besides get good grades? I dunno but I'm really scared.. I thinkI'll bawl my eyes out if I have to stay in this shithole town any longer. Many rural areas have it's charm but Kingston is F***ing ugly and I wish I could hurt it's feelings with that comment but it's a city ( smallllllll diiiiirrrrrrrty city).

Damn you Kingston!

I want to go hooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmeeee
The only downside is that if I went home, Mani couldn't visit me as I will be living with my parents. I feel awful thinking that that might be the case and we'd see less of each other but I REALLY need to go home. I think Mani and I will be ok but I really need to follow this path right now.

Mani has been thinking about joining the Belgian Paras... my bf wants to jump out of planes.. even though he has vertigo... I will never ever ever understand boys. Secretly, I wish he were coming to Toronto to resume his studies but not in anything his father wanted him to do ( law) but in what he's interested in... criminology, science, computer science or history. Computer science would probably be the fastest route to a job, good money, and paying off debts but I really want him to do what he wants to do... even if its'.... sigh.. enlisting.

How can I ask him to give something up if I am unwilling to give up my ambitions? I want to, but I just can't. He thinks my struggles are cute... wanting him to fail the physical but not wanting him to live alife of regret... but I THINK MY STRUGGLES SUCK ASS!

It's not just that I'm missing Mani so much. I'm extremely miserable here.. all my friend are all gone away and working now, except Julia but I rarely get to see her cuz she's always with her bf and she lives so far from me. It's just a lonely, tough existence... I need to go to the city where I can forget all my worries by surrounding myslef with glitz, city lights, 24 hour places ( THERE IS NOTHING 24 HOURS IN KINGSTON AND THE GLOOM IS MORE DEPRESSING THAN I CAN BARE!)

Plus for the program I wish to enroll in, Toronto's reputation is just so much more superior to that of Queen's. Queen's is good for business. Period.

I wish people knew what a bullshit school this was.. the certainly doesn't live up to the reputation it has. I see right through it. It sucks so bad.

hmmm...
what else can we talk about

Oh yes... I've been reading up on how to be able to focus on a task for long periods of time. I know it seems so trivial but I find I struggle with that and end up working double the amount of hours anyone else would work... does anyone have any suggestions?

Anyhoo I better get back to work.. too much to do.
wish me luck!
tchocky
where-am-I-going-with-my-life?