Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon

Mood: ranting
Listening to: that line " it's like that chall" from Mariah's song! argh!!!!

Mood: tired, stressed, sad, grumpy, full and therefore happy
Listening to: Beanie man through my fucking window from across the fucking street

Dear Journal,

So tonight I went out with Bri for a little walk around town, we just happened to stumble past her bf's house and we stayed there and talked with him and his housemates Tom and Jordan. Later Kat came and joined us and I got to steal 2 of Major's beers. I thought one of the bottles looked like a Hoegarden brand that my bf drinks. I asked him and Major said, " DO I LOOK RICH?" and then he made fun of the way I held the beer bottle and "taught" me how to hold it properly! Even though I've been drinking for a MUCH LONGER time than he has! So then we talked until Tom's parents came to pick the crew up ( except me Major and Bri.) It was really fun. He was really stinky and dirty though because he had just played soccer. His team lost. So while he was in the shower, I played alllll the instruments in the house. They were all tom's he's sooo cooooool! And hilarious. I played the banjo, Ukelele, guitar.. it was funnnnn.. And then after, me, Andrew and Bri went to go rent Andrew some movies cuz he;'s pulling an all night at Jean Royce. But before he left, he bought Brianna a sub and  me a slice of pizza!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh HOW I welcomed the FOOOOOOD! i'm like a starving student.. LITERALLY! SNIFF... that slice means so much to me. I promised Major that next time we're working together, which is next week, I'd take care of the food arrangements.. but I dunno how i'm going to do that as I'm BROKE.  but it's like 12am and today was another very unproductive day. But it was fun. It's the first time I've hung out with Bri and her bf by myself and it was quite fun, not as awkward as I expected, considering I'd be a third wheel. I wish my boyfriend, Mani was here. I'd have so much fun with him during the summer. Oh, Bri also got pics developed from when we went to her cottage.  There is this one pic, where eveyrthing else about me looks right but I have smudges all over my face cuz me and Amy got too much smoke on our faces from the bonfire cuz we sat on this high rock and all the fire started to spit our way.. hahaha.. it was funny. Ivy is out with Ella tonight at Elixir. You know, she asked Amish and Bri to go to Elixir right infront of me today cuz me and Bri ran into her and Amish coming back from playing baseball. Ivy may tend to seem exclusive sometimes but I don't really take it personally. I don't think she has anything against me, I think she's insecure sometimes and it makes her a little more secure to be in a certain circle of friends  that not everyone is a part of all the time. Many of my gfs do this. But I just maybe it was too obvious to ask only bri and amish when I was the only other person around, or maybe just careless. I wasn't in any mood to go to Elixir tonight anyways, as I promised Mani I wouldn't go clubbing tonight.

We also talked about how Ivy is going to Cuba soon with her little brother!!(lucky!) He's 19 now. The last time I saw him, it was briefly when he was only 17. Apparently, he told his mom he had a crush on me, and Ivy's mom told Ivy and then everyone teased me about it, Rob, Bri, Ivy (not Amish though he was my bf at the time). I think it's very cute when young boys have crushes on older women. Like Mani. His last gf was 7 years his senior. Something about that makes me think Mani is SOOOO adorable. Like a Timberlake-esque adorable. But I never imagined any 17 year old would find an old 23 year old  crushable. Although I suppose in all fairness I was 21 at the time. I can't even remember what it was LIKE to be 17... sigh.. time goes by so fast.

Sometimes I wish I could rewind to when I was 17. I think I would have done a lot of things differently. Already at 23, I have so many regrets, I'm worried about what it will be like for me when I'm in my 40 and by the time I reach my 70's I'll probably want to just kill myself.  I think I really need to think about my every actions. I think sometimes, I'm too reckless and I don't think things through. But then, what if I weren't and I always regretted not living recklessly and in the moment? I'm riddled with such insignificant thoughts, is it any wonder that I'm NOT studying as much as I should be? I guess I'm always trying to prove something to myself and always having it not work out quite as planned. I think I really need to smarten up. I admire my bf in a way. He's so independent and he's always in control of every situation. He's always prepared, tidy and organized. I think some people are actually just born with that gift while I struggle just to keep my desk tidy enough to write on it. Wow, I really don't want to sleep but I really must. I'm sooo tired.. and from just two beers. This sucks.

See you tomorrow Journal, Goodnight