Writings.From.The.Heart

Mood: happy-ish, and bored lol
Listening to: Foo Fighters

.x. the.world.is.a.cold.place .x.

Yeah....it doesn't feel like Christmas yet...I'm trying as hard as I can to get into the spirit of Christmas: I'm singing songs, decorating houses, wearing red, giving out christmas cards - none of it is helping. I've really screwed up...real bad...for something I can't even help.

Sunday was a nightmare. I had a sort of an argument with someone i really should'nt be arguing with. Its stupid too - we both want the same outcome - to be happy - we just have different opinions on how to get there. I don't want to let something so 'teen' ruin my christmas holidays. I wana hang out with this person...but I'm not sure if I can now!God...I hope Christmas doesn't suck...

On the same kinda subject, I'm getting over it, its not so much the person its me. This whole situation has just left me with no confidence in myself - which is totally unlike me. I guess now I just feel like second best in a lot of people's lives: my mum has her boyfriend, my best friend has hers, my brother has his etc etc. Just seems everyone has someone but me at the moment. I dont even have interest..but hey we all go through rough patches.

Anway, I'm not gona let Christmas be ruined...I'll try my hardest to keep smiling.

.x. till the next drop .x.

Mood: annoyed at myself
Listening to: Inme

.x.top.of.the.world.x.

dont you hate it when you mess things up for yourself. Seems this past week Ive done a lot of that. The first example is my maths exam - i walked out with a healthy F or ungraded....but i guess thats what mocks are for right?! My other exams are going okay though..surprisingly. and i actually understand science for once in my little life! woohoo!

However, seems Ive screwed up big time for - get this - NOT being honest! Usually I get myself into bad situations for being brutally honest, but it turns out, in this situation, if Id just been honest about my feelings at the start, I could be enjoying something right now. A major hug and thanks to Kay for being; well...remotely honest, and even though I don't believe some of the stuff she said (and she knows this lol) i still appreciate her reassurance. I just wish I'd been honest and said what i thought at the beginning...maybe now it wouldn't hurt so much. But nevertheless, I've decided to let it pass over my head...what I can't have - no matter how much i want it, i have to accept. And Im fine with that, or at least I will be.

Other than that kind of depressing and extremely annoying matter, or matters my life is going pretty smoothly. At least I've had no arguments with parents over the last few days!! And Im still looking forward to Christmas - everything is looking sparkly again!

.x. keep.on.listening .x.

Mood: Smiley
Listening to: Rooster

.x. smiling secretly .x.

Well....today i am extremely happy!! I know - isnt that strange!!! All of a sudden a wave of happiness has come over me and Im feeling fantastic. I had a bit of a rubbish night yesterday, but decided to screw that person and get on with life! Before you say anything - sure i still adore that guy, but meh - what can i do! If you come second, then take home the silver and go for gold next time!

A big thnx to Chris for leaving me a cool comment - and josh - thnx as well!!! Be yourself mate - just ignore my stupidity!

I am totally getting into christmas atm as well, which i think helps. The house is decorated, i've been writing cards out and listening to good old slade! Can't wait for the christmas spirit to kick in and for everyone to just have a smile on their face!!!!

.x. sunshiny smiles to you all .x.

Mood: unhappy
Listening to: from first to last

.x. can you hear the hysteria within .x.

well...my life has been smashed into the ground once again, and pretty much in the same week. I guess i've sort of had a brain wave...its kinda weird; i had an amazing day, that ended up really sucking! and to make matters worse...its happened right in front of my mocks, so guess who's gonna fail.

me and my mates have decided to become nuns after this weekend lol, guys are a lot of trouble and quite frankly don't treat you as well as they should. Well actually its not that simple...but i really wish it was. How do you just forget about someone that means so much to you? If i do manage to find an answer to that i'll write it down, but right now i can't see it happening very quickly. I sure hope it does though...its just gonna take me some time.

.x.  let your heart live on .x.

 

.x. hey there .x.

well here we go again...another day another entry...I think today i've made a big mistake. Admitting to someone that you could end up falling for them in due course really isnt smart. And whats even worse is when its not just the one person you could fall for..

At school today i had a pretty good day...was just run of the mill laughter and fun, which i adore. You know how some days you just find stupid things funny..and then the joke lasts a life time....those kind of memories are those that i cherish.

At the moment i have my friends to thank for pretty much everything, im not gonna mention names, you all know who you are, and you're all stars!

..x..until next time ..x..

 

Mood: torn
Listening to: the clash

.x.so this is me.x.

right now...im not doing much...sat at the computer, guitar on my left, phone on my right. i had a pretty bad day yesterday, parents sure can put you on a guilt trip can't they, but thankfully i have a lot of mates out there who know how to put a smile on my face and twinkle in my heart - and special mentions go to marie,kay,ben,josh s, josh p,and dave. if for some reason ive forgotten your name im sorry, i send you all my luff - im here for you always.

todays been a pretty ok day. ive had a smile on my face pretty much the whole time, and life doesnt seem that bad. my guitar helps lol. today i did something i found really hard. refusing someone you like is terrible..I feel so bad about telling jon no..but my heart is torn in 3 right now, and i cant commit myself while i like others as much as i do. all 3 of you know who you are, and i adore you all. i dont know how you guys are feeling right now....but either way, your all amazing.

so this has been my first blog, hope it didnt bore you...im sure i'll write back...the next time i have a crisis anyway.

.x. lotsa luff to you all .x.