Writings.From.The.Heart

Mood: :) :) :)
Listening to: nout lol

well yeah havent written in a while

so here we go again lol another entry into this e-diary thing... jeez does this make me emo or what!?!?! *cries* lol anyways now thats over...!

things are going....well! yes i said it - IM ACTUALLY KINDA HAPPY! :) well my mum is the biggest bitch in the whole wide world lol but its nothing new... just the threats and swearing and stuff as usual.... but with the friends department its kinda going well!

me n josh are FRIENDS! finally!!! yes yes yes! thats all we ever wanted to be and now we are and its total yayness so woop woop! however, one of my very very very close mates  is thinking of giving up on her GCSE's so im trying to help... i hope she doesnt, she has so much potential. and shes not a quitter. i look up to her when i feel like giving up, if she gives up, what hope is there for anyone else?!

In the boy department..well...its sloooooooooooooooooow lol but its actually kinda fun not having hassles for a while! Ben has his gf so we're mates, Josh has...well he's just Josh so we're mates, and everyone else i dunno... i kinda never had feelings for anyone else lol BUT i am getting on vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv well with Mark (my myspace hubbie yeah hardcore!) and with surfer dude Luke so thats all yeah go me lol

Dunno what else to say..oh yeah school lol. Fame is going totally well and i cannot wait for the first dress rehearsal cos i totally want to just get in there and start properly now and its fantastic and fun, best time of my school life by any counts.

so yeah thats about it for the last month lol not that exciting but meh its all good!

Mood: happy-ish, and bored lol
Listening to: Foo Fighters

.x. the.world.is.a.cold.place .x.

Yeah....it doesn't feel like Christmas yet...I'm trying as hard as I can to get into the spirit of Christmas: I'm singing songs, decorating houses, wearing red, giving out christmas cards - none of it is helping. I've really screwed up...real bad...for something I can't even help.

Sunday was a nightmare. I had a sort of an argument with someone i really should'nt be arguing with. Its stupid too - we both want the same outcome - to be happy - we just have different opinions on how to get there. I don't want to let something so 'teen' ruin my christmas holidays. I wana hang out with this person...but I'm not sure if I can now!God...I hope Christmas doesn't suck...

On the same kinda subject, I'm getting over it, its not so much the person its me. This whole situation has just left me with no confidence in myself - which is totally unlike me. I guess now I just feel like second best in a lot of people's lives: my mum has her boyfriend, my best friend has hers, my brother has his etc etc. Just seems everyone has someone but me at the moment. I dont even have interest..but hey we all go through rough patches.

Anway, I'm not gona let Christmas be ruined...I'll try my hardest to keep smiling.

.x. till the next drop .x.

Mood: annoyed at myself
Listening to: Inme

.x.top.of.the.world.x.

dont you hate it when you mess things up for yourself. Seems this past week Ive done a lot of that. The first example is my maths exam - i walked out with a healthy F or ungraded....but i guess thats what mocks are for right?! My other exams are going okay though..surprisingly. and i actually understand science for once in my little life! woohoo!

However, seems Ive screwed up big time for - get this - NOT being honest! Usually I get myself into bad situations for being brutally honest, but it turns out, in this situation, if Id just been honest about my feelings at the start, I could be enjoying something right now. A major hug and thanks to Kay for being; well...remotely honest, and even though I don't believe some of the stuff she said (and she knows this lol) i still appreciate her reassurance. I just wish I'd been honest and said what i thought at the beginning...maybe now it wouldn't hurt so much. But nevertheless, I've decided to let it pass over my head...what I can't have - no matter how much i want it, i have to accept. And Im fine with that, or at least I will be.

Other than that kind of depressing and extremely annoying matter, or matters my life is going pretty smoothly. At least I've had no arguments with parents over the last few days!! And Im still looking forward to Christmas - everything is looking sparkly again!

.x. keep.on.listening .x.

Mood: Smiley
Listening to: Rooster

.x. smiling secretly .x.

Well....today i am extremely happy!! I know - isnt that strange!!! All of a sudden a wave of happiness has come over me and Im feeling fantastic. I had a bit of a rubbish night yesterday, but decided to screw that person and get on with life! Before you say anything - sure i still adore that guy, but meh - what can i do! If you come second, then take home the silver and go for gold next time!

A big thnx to Chris for leaving me a cool comment - and josh - thnx as well!!! Be yourself mate - just ignore my stupidity!

I am totally getting into christmas atm as well, which i think helps. The house is decorated, i've been writing cards out and listening to good old slade! Can't wait for the christmas spirit to kick in and for everyone to just have a smile on their face!!!!

.x. sunshiny smiles to you all .x.

Mood: unhappy
Listening to: from first to last

.x. can you hear the hysteria within .x.

well...my life has been smashed into the ground once again, and pretty much in the same week. I guess i've sort of had a brain wave...its kinda weird; i had an amazing day, that ended up really sucking! and to make matters worse...its happened right in front of my mocks, so guess who's gonna fail.

me and my mates have decided to become nuns after this weekend lol, guys are a lot of trouble and quite frankly don't treat you as well as they should. Well actually its not that simple...but i really wish it was. How do you just forget about someone that means so much to you? If i do manage to find an answer to that i'll write it down, but right now i can't see it happening very quickly. I sure hope it does though...its just gonna take me some time.

.x.  let your heart live on .x.