Mood: sad
Listening to: silence
I have come to accept the one I love will never love to love like I love. Being in love with the journey - being in love with one's life isn't something to be taught so it is. Rather I must accept who he is and let him be with love. The differences between us are great - and I must practice tollerance more without becoming numb from indifference. Accept the things I cannot change. I cannot give someone hope who doesn't want it. I cannot give someone peace who doesn't strive for it. I have to protect my peace and my hope and my joy, not share it - just nurture it. I cannot expect the one I love to want the same things I do. He will strive for what suits him. Disappointed I am resulting from the wrong assumptions I made. Why wouldn't someone want peace and joy and hope? is what I ask. This however is not for me to know. I will not concern myself with that which does not concern me. I will take care of myself and my children and still pray for the one I love. Disapointed I am in my judgement. I now realize that I
was working against 29 years of negative conditioning. I will be strong enough to still be the good woman I am despite this all. I am not working for him anymore - whether its "good" or "right" matters not. I will work to improve myself and work to give my children the best home & upbringing possible - if I have to do it alone, so be it. He can be selfish and negative and hopeless and without peace if that's what he chooses. Certainly its not what I want for him. But its certainly not my choice. I will be in control of my thoughts and emotions and not let his choices bring me this low again. I am devoted to having fulfillment during my journey forward. This is my declaration of truth and love.
