This is life and the things we do

I really love what I’m studying now… Yes, you can call me a nerd if you want to. (Do keep in mind that I really don’t a rat’s ass.) I also love the walk from my hall of residence to my lectures in the science faculty. By now it should be obvious that not everything is beautiful. (OBVIOUSLY… else why would I be typing this out?)

 

I hate the people that I have to take my lectures with. They are obnoxious and extremely irritating. After studying here for more then a year now, I realize that a specific pattern of behavior has developed. So akin to the classification of the individuals in my story dated 040805… (Yeah, I ran out of ideas… and also because I just came from a lecture and got reminded of all these bloody people.) I will again attempt to classify these individuals… (If anyone out there is really doing a sociological study, I got a lot more of these…)

 

·        The Corner Sitter. These are people who will come early for lectures and plonk their fat asses at the first seat next to the aisle. They would leave all the seats in the middle empty. To actually get a seat, you have to climb over them. For some strange reason, these people also have a warped sense of dimensions… they would give you some allowance for you to pass through… I mean… you have to be able to slip into a drinking straw allowance for you to pass through…

·        The Weary. These are people who come to lectures; sit in a prime location and sleep. For greater effect they would do this in lectures that are usually filled to capacity and there would be people who are sitting on the steps. (LIKE ME!!) Come on… I’m sure that it’s much more comfortable to go and have a nice nap in your own bed.

·        The Back Row Sitter. This group will congregate at the back row and stand there. Albeit there are no more seats at the back row. This is also despite the numerous seats in the front row. I rationalized that they are suffering from some sort of vision disorder and they are unable to see the lecturer at such a close proximity.

·        The Hungry. If there is always the smell of food in the lecture theaters, it would be totally due to these individuals. For some reason or another, their food have a pungent smell and gives everyone nausea. Well as the saying goes, one man’s meat is another’s poison.

·        The Perpetual Late Comer. I mean, it’s acceptable that once in a while you miss the bus or you were having a hang-over or you were busy saving the world or something, but every time?!? And do you really have to draw attention to yourself by apologizing to everyone for being late? Their arrival is also very disruptive (partially due to The Back Row Sitter and The Corner Sitter) when they transverse the entire lecture to get to their seats.

·        The Lecture “Notes-less.” For reasons only know to them, these people come to lectures without their lecture notes. This is not really a problem until they start to spy your notes. If you are like me, you really hate someone peering over your shoulder. Once I caught this guy doing that and vibrated my notes a little… just to see what he would do… this guy actually followed the notes as I moved in left, right, up, down and all around… (Not all lectures are interesting…)

·        The Seat “Reserve-er.” This, I believe, are the most selfish people in the entire world. They would methodically place all kinds of personal artifacts on the seats next to them to save the seats for their friends. For God’s SAKE MAN!! You are going to see his face the whole bloody day… why? Why? WHY?!?! MUST you sit beside him during the lecture? Will you die if you are separated? And come on… you put a packet of tissue paper or an empty disposable plastic bottle on the seat and that would mean it’s taken. No Dice! If I see that all the more I would sit there… And you telling me that the seat is taken would not make me move my ass… and thanks for the tissue paper too… I needed to blow my nose…  

Ah Clubbing… there was a time when I did frequent clubs… not that I love the scene or anything… its just that the other people that I go with needed a designated driver to get them home… so usually I had to stay at a club until it was closing time to drive 4 drunk guys back… I had to pretend that I loved the bloody techno music that was blasting over the speakers and all the very very high people all around me… I must say it’s not my most favorite thing in the world… in fact its right down there with getting my ass shoved with someone else’s dung.   

 

So well… this day one of them (noticed how I used “them” instead of “us”?) decided that it would be cool to go to this club Cheeky Monkeys… apparently they played R&B and he decided this for my sake… little that he knew that I loath R&B just as much as techno but well I didn’t care enough to tell him…. So there we were, 11 pm all dressed to kill waiting in line to get into the club… at 11.45 pm… guess what? We were still in the bloody line…. Finally by the grace of god, at 12 midnight we finally got in…

 

The place was, in one word, CROWDED! I mean I don’t know if moving your shoulders up and down was considered dancing… it was all you could do…  I mean if you really like being in a cramped place with loud music, I would gladly shove you into a broom closet and play some music for you… for greater effect I would occasionally shove you about in there too…

 

I did my usual thing and went to a relatively less crowded corner of the club… apparently this is where those who are already hammered would congregate… so I leaned against a pillar a lit my Marlboro Reds… after a few puffs, I realized that my cigarette was extinguished. I thought nothing of it initially so I relit it… this happened two more time…

 

Then over the music I heard this conversation…

 

Drunk Girl: Hey my blouse….

 

Boyfriend :  What? What your blouse?

 

Drunk Girl: Got hole… how come got hole one?!

 

Boyfriend : Yeah! Yeah! Got hole… EH!! Got three in total

 

Drunk Girl: THREE!?!? I spent fifty dollars on this blouse leh… how come got 3 holes

 

Boyfriend : Look like someone burnt you with their cigarette ah….

 

At this point in time my brain made the connection…. 3 holes in her blouse… my cigarette being extinguished 3 times…

There is a little devil in all of us

Sorry kids… I know that I have been MIA for a week now. See, the darnest thing happened and I injured my left shoulder while playing football. So for the past few days I have been unable to raise my left arm any higher then my waist. (If you think this is bad… you should see the other guy… I think he may have problems getting it up…) Basically, I have been an invalid for the past few days.

 

I have to use my left arm as if it was some inanimate object. Taking a bath was really a bitch… to wash my right side I had to use my left hand, with the help of my right hand, as a shower brush… utterly frustrating. For those of you who usually type with two hands on the keyboard, you would know that using only one hand to type seriously sucks ass… hence the sudden silence.

 

Eating is also not easy… I have to bring my face to the food and not the usual vice versa. But fret not… I’m all better now… so tomorrow kids I shall reward your persistence with a story about the clubbing scene in Singapore…

Well, there is a lot of interesting shows on the television these days… don’t worry if you don’t have cable… the local channel also provides an interesting array of shows for you to enjoy… and since they have been winning awards I would naturally assume that they are doing a good job (comparatively of course).

 

So kids the other day I was at a friend’s place and while waiting for him to get ready to go out a sat in front of the TV and there was this episode of Missing on… for those in the dark about this… Missing is a local budget production about families who have suddenly lost a loved one… but they have no idea where that person went… simply put… those people are Missing…   

 

Well the story here is the brilliant monologue that was to introduce the episode’s story… I shall try my best to do the produces of the show justice and recall it… word for word…

 

            “A golf ball, though small, it’s always easy to find. Easy, unless of course something suddenly happens to it. Just like the families on our show, they never expect anything sudden to happen. But this sudden change may lead to them never seeing their loved one ever again… Just like a golf ball…”

 

I have heard many people draw very weird comparisons. This has to be up there with comparing breasts to chicken droppings… (That’s another tale for another time).

 

You know that song "London Bridge is Falling Down"? This just brings new meaning to it...

 

 

 

Kids… there used to be a time when volunteer charity work was something that you had to actually VOLUNTEER for… like the dinosaurs, they have rapidly become extinct… at least at the Hall of Residence that I’m staying in… don’t get me wrong… I really don’t mind helping those who need help… but I rather do it by being more direct in helping those personally… (Like maybe cleaning the old folks home or something.) Selling flags however is not my idea of volunteer work… I hate it… I mean I rather go bungee jumping without a bungee chord then sell flags… but see when strong arm tactics are used to muscle me in… that makes it even more worse….

 

Well, you know me… and this is not something that I would write about without a tale attached to it… so this is it… I discovered that you might be wearing a ugly BRIGHT YELLOW T-shirt but that would make you seem invisible if and only if you are asking for alms…

 

The reactions acquired are so comical and varied that someone should so a sociological study on the psyche of these individuals… I have categorized the reactions for ease of those who wish to embark on such a study…

1. The oblivious… this group of individuals, well they just look right through you and they avoid you like you have the bloody plague… if these people were to be coming towards you, the effect would probably do Moses proud… you would be able to split the crowd into two and bring all the Hebrews to the other side to the red sea…
2. The angst… these are individuals who have a large stick shoved up their ass… apparently saying “no, thank you” draws a lot of energy out of them… so after going through a lot of people who have been selling flags the entire day… when you ask them… well they just blow up on you… generally a reaction would be… “IF I SAID NO ONCE THAT WOULD MEAN I SAID NO TO EVERYONE!!”… How the hell would I know you said no before…?
3. The sprinter… these individuals are always rushing… especially when they see you and once they pass you their sense on urgency seems to magically dissipate… some have been know to go into a little trot and in extreme cases, a full sprint…
4. The immunity seeker… these people have donated a certain undisclosed amount (maybe 5 cents… here five cents can’t even get you into the toilet…) and they display their stickers in obvious places so that you would notice them and not approach them again…
5. The lost… these are people who would ask you for directions to far away place… then after they get the directions… they promptly thank you and leave… without paying of course…
6. The thief... these are actually a subset of the immunity seeker… they actually go up to you and take a sticker and don’t pay… yes… redefining the boundaries of being a cheep
7. The detour group… these are people who actually rather take a longer way to avoid you then to take out their pocket change…

If I smoked like, no one is likely to take notice