...i guess for me, theres just no hope..

Apr 26, 2005 at 02:14 o\clock

..let me slip into a world of sadness..

Mood: upset
Listening to: 7th heaven theme song

um so yea im kinda in a bad mood..and i dont rly know exactly why..some people just rly piss me off..for instance adam

we have gone out like twice and each time he has always screwed up and weve broken up he went so far as to once cheat so we werent close for awhile bur it was kinda hard bc his adopted sister is a good friend of mine..and me and adam became good again and it was all good until like 15 minutes ago when he called anf asked me out..i mean c'mon adam! how many times have you left me broken hearted and..you want me to keep forgiving you and trying again! no it gets old!! so thats what first ste me off and then there was some other things that just started bugging me all at once so lifes food..

anyway i have the best friend in the world..KAITLYN KRULL!! even though i was like in the worst mood ever she tried to cheer me up..((i have to admit it didnt work but c'mon the thought was sweet)) and she was the only one too...I <3 KAIT!

let me slip into a world of sadness and pain
               let me slip into a dark world where nothing is foregiven..


Apr 25, 2005 at 01:54 o\clock

yep yep

Mood: sickk
Listening to: the telly

hello again

okay so me and lauren had a sleepover with lauren last night and it andwas rly funn! we talked for hours and we watched raise your voice ((thats an amazing movie, everyone should go see it NOW)) okay so im sitting here watchin tv and i just had dinner and i dont feel good at all..auugghh i feel like im gona throw up!!

okay so im gona go..

.+. fay .+.

Apr 23, 2005 at 20:53 o\clock

Watch me FalL

Mood: tired/hurt
Listening to: some movie


spirit dance last night and it was completely amazing! lots and lots of fun but i have to admit..there was some drama here and there but then again when is there no drama in a situation dealing with my grade? haha

well yea life is interesting for me right now, i gues..just a little i guess you can say?

so yea im bored, ill write lata!

</3 fay

Apr 18, 2005 at 23:32 o\clock

-We'll Die Dreaming-

Mood: pissed as hell/relieved
Listening to: GILMORE GRLS-the show i am in love with..

well suessical the musical is over and i am so incredibly sad..im going to miss al the 8 th graders i got close too over those long 4 months..i wish you all luck next year and i want to let you know that i will always be here for you all..i hope we keep in touch..

well the play was funn! i got lots of flowers!! lots and lots!! i <3 the play! being in the spot light! having all those poeple just staring at you..i loved it! omg! i cant say enough about how i felt up there! i wasnt the lead, and i didnt have a long solo but just being there was so incredibly fulfilling! i loved it so much and i am absolutely in love with my "wickersham sistas" amanda and emily!! okay ew no im not lesbo they have just become so close to me its..amazing!

                      lie with me..we'll die dreaming

..i love that! i wrote it a while ago but i think it's so true..i mean if you honestly think about it..

lots and lots of love..fayy

Apr 14, 2005 at 23:04 o\clock

openinG nighT

Mood: excited/nervous
Listening to: GILMORE GIRLS!

..hey again..

    OPENING NIGHT! gosh how amazingly scary! i mean we have been working on this play for 3 months! and now all the sudden its opening night..already! whoa...im so excited! geeze..yayy!!

        ..okay so yea, thats all that has been going on right now..

okay so now im going because i have a science diagram and its due tomorrow..;-) funn!



Apr 9, 2005 at 00:22 o\clock

i guess theres just no hope for me..

Mood: boredd.
Listening to: let me love you


so im kinda bored...really bored..we got out report cards today and i got the "you are smart i know you could do better than this.." speech..it was si unblievably fun you have no idea..we also got our cat and iowa tests today done..they are through.  they were rly annoying especially becaise they were supposed to be hard but they rly werent, but hey we got no homework for a week so why am i  even complaining? haha, yea..

*i wish that someone would have the guts to stand out of the crowd and say, "you know what, i am different. i am myself and i do not hide behind a mask or give up everything to be popular. i will stand up for what is right and not let the people i love down. i am proud to be me"*

all the boys in our school have this need to fit into the "popular crowd". it is so stupid especially because everyone knows being yourself makes you the best you could ever be. i wish someone would just...i dont know..be themselves for a change?

this is from the play were doing this year seussical the musical but i really like it so anyway..

.+.no one knows that i have wings and i can fly around the moon and far beyond the sky..+.

and i wrote this..

..these here memories that are sitting on a forgotten shelf..Are here gathering dust, lost in the past never to be seen agian..Memories are the thoughts that keep me together, and now here they are..Broken into pieces that are shattered..Gathering dust, and now my memories are..Fading away from me, i can never bring them back again..Here i am again, broken inside, gathering dust..

                   CROSSFADE IS ME HERO <33

they wrote COLD! the best song in the whole fricken world..

Looking back at me
I see that I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in things I cannot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way
I am
I never meant to be so cold
I never meant to be so cold

*Repeat Chorus*

Cold to you
I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand
On my own again
Cause now I can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high


*Repeat Chorus*
*Guitar Solo*

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me there's just no hope
I never meant to be so cold


i <33 those..it rly tells how i feel most of the time..okay..so now i guess ill go and be bored some more! ahaha be jealous..

luv ya always..fayy


Apr 6, 2005 at 00:20 o\clock

-KaiT iS ovEr..yOu sHouLD aLL Be JeaLous-

Mood: cHeErY..haha how old-fashioned
Listening to: the telly

okay im backk..arent you all just so happy??


yea?? arent u??? hhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuuhuh? by the way this is kaitlyn if u dont know who i am then ask fay or do something!!! lol jk anyways im hanging out at fays crib cuz......... uh its cool? she was gonna come over my house but nooooo. my mom had to do something i dont know what it is and my daddio had to go somewhere but i dunno where. but o well but just to get this right my new nickname is krusty krab and then fay said that she would call me krab n then she said krusty!! im like no lol!! n we had a really fun time on our way to n back from rosati's it was fun!!! is this made of lemon juice? ok that was totally random but i saw sheep on the skittles commercial n i thought they were llamas!!! lol but anyways fay called me a squeeky turtle if u dont know thatim sad!!! n to get his right... me n fay are homedogg foshizzle weirdos!! lol im am very happy cuz my friend is awesome if u wanna check out my profiles... then that would be nice!! my sns are brownharbeauty, girl in pink x01, n KsQuared00000001 (thats 7 zeros), my profiles are awesome, since fay always puts a qoute im gonna to!! n that one quote is from me (fay copied). k here i go w/ my quote,

I wrote ur name in the sand but the waves washed it away I wrote ur name on my hand but I washed it the next day I wrote ur name on a piece of paper but I acidentaly threw it away I wrote ur name in my heart and forever it will stay

Belly tops Flip flops
Lemonade In the shade
Blue skies Hot guys
Late nights Waterfights
Ice creams Sweetdreams
Bathin suits Shootin hoops
Party time Schools out
Sleepin in Sneakin out
Summer 05 will be the best


and now fays backk...

hahaaha..okay anyway dont ya just love kaitlyn aka krusty!! <33 I DO!!!! okay well..me and kait are sitting around and watchin TV! oooh your jealous now!! we went to rosatis and we had funn!!!!!!!! and we have my new nickname..CHI-ING!! haha thats awesome..haha and i almost got run over by a bus!!  it was soo frakingly freaky!! awww and we made (or actually i made) a rhyme!!:

      ..and now the world is gonna die

                        because i cant tie..

yea isnt that skill!!! oh yea im talented...anyway were gonna go CHILL!!! for  a lil while before her mommamie picks her upp..

<33..bring in the love

           fay and kait...(krusty)

             ^^thats kaits favorite so...yea

Apr 3, 2005 at 23:02 o\clock

a survey i took..

Mood: bored
Listening to: lets go

_______What is your favorite_______

1. gum: Big Red or Bubble Yum
2. restaurant: fridays i guess
3. drink: root beer
4. season: spring
5. type of weather: hot!
6. emotion: happy and silly
7. thing to do on a half day: hang out with friends and stuff
9. sport: basketball!
10. city: dont have one i guess..
11. store: american eagle!!!

_______When was the last time you_______

12. cried: dont remember
13. played a sport: yesterday
14. laughed: like 15 minutes ago
15. hugged someone: this morning
16. kissed someone: i dont know
17. felt depressed: ummm..right before spring break
18. felt overworked: yesterday night
19. faked sick: kindergarden
20. lied: i dont know..

_______What was the last_______
21. word you said: "okay"
22. thing you ate: ...i dont remember...
23. song you listened to: "truth is"
24. thing you drank: root beer
25. place you went to: church
26. movie you saw: hitch
27. movie you rented: ladder 49

 _______Who was the last person you________

28. hugged: my mom
29. cried over: i dont know
30. kissed: no clue
31. danced with: i dont rememer..
32. shared a secret with: kaytay
33. had a sleepover with: sammie
34. called: julie
35. went to a movie with: nicho, kait, and kristen
36. saw: steph at church
37. were angry with: my mom
38. couldn't take your eyes off of: ??
39. obsessed over: jesse mccartney <33

 _______Have you ever_______

40. danced in the rain: yepp
41. kissed someone: my family?
42. done drugs: noo
43. drank alcohol: nope
44. partied: sure
45. had a movie marathon: yeaa
46. gone too far on a dare: nope
47. spun until you were immensely dizzy: yup
48. taken a survey quite like this before: kinda..

_______My life_______

49. name: fay
50. gender: female
51. birthday: feb 29
52. relationship status: single
53. nationality: irish, german, native american, chekosluvokian (i cant spell it) and i think..somethin else that i cant remember..


55. i'm feeling: bored
56. i'm listening to: hazel eyes by kelly
57. i'm doing: this survey?
58. i'm talking to: no one..sadly
59. i'm craving: food..i am really hungry
60. i'm thinking of: theres school tomorrow..
61. i'm hating: school


62. love: ?
63. my first love: no clue
64. my current love: hahaa..
65. love or lust: love
66. best love song: there are so many..
67. is it possible to be in love w/ more than one person at the same time: not sure..
68. when love hurts: ..?
69. is there such thing as love at first sight?: yea right

 _______Opposite sex_______

70. turn ons: eyes, personality, and....stuff
71. turn offs: think they are better than everyone else, never smiling, too perverted..
73. what kinda hairstyle are you into?: what  random question..
74. what is the sweetest thing a girl/guy can do for you?: i dont know..somethin sweet
75. where do you go to meet new people?: i dunno..

_______Picky picky_______

77. dog or cat: dogg
78. short or long hair: medium
79. sunshine or rain: the sun
80. hugs or kisses: hugs
81. summer or winter: summer
82. written letters or e-mails: emails
83. playstation or Nintendo: i dont rly care..
84. car or motorcycle: motorcycles are cool..
85. house party or club: dont care
86. sing or dance: both
87. freak or slow dance: ...


88. how are you today?: good i guess
89. what pants are you wearing right now?: jeans
90. what shirt are you wearing right now?: an ae shirt with a white zip-up hoodie
91. what does your hair look like at the moment?: down
92. what song are you listening to right now?: "lets go"
93. how is the weather right now?: 40's


94. if you had to pick, who is your best friend?: i cant choose..
95. who do you get annoyed with easily?: my parents
96. who is the scariest person you know?: ..haha so many..jk
97. who do you hang out with the most?: i dunno

_________The End_________

98. who was last person you talked to on the phone?: kayte
99. last dream you can remember?: dont know
100. What do you think about the person that you got this from?: haha..shes cool

Apr 3, 2005 at 04:42 o\clock

Yess!..the worst is overr!

Mood: tired..proud
Listening to: addicted

okay hello agian..

i am now officially done with my ss project!! it didnt turn out too bad..its actually kinda good..haha

so, i didnt get to go to julies but i am really glad that i got my project over with...knowing me i would probably be just finishing it at 4 am monday morning..

so i had fun talking to poeple online too..they were keeping me busy from doing too much work at a time..lol

..well im kinda tired..maybe ill grab icecream before i go to bed..who knows..

   "Someday, youll realize how much i gave myself to you."

           *live life with no regrets*

                    *its a treasure that you will never relive*


Apr 3, 2005 at 02:10 o\clock

avoiding homework..

Mood: GOOFY!
Listening to: karma

Your alter ego is Goofy! You are fun and great to be around, and you are always willing to help others. You arn't worried about embarrassing yourself, so you are one who is more willing to try new things.



Sleeping Beauty


Peter Pan


The Beast






Cruella De Ville




Snow White


Donald Duck




that totally describes me! lol..haha but look who i got for second..the beast!! haha..he has a gold heart though..and peter pan! my hero!! i so wanna be mrs. pan! ill never have to grow up!! what a life..and sleeping beauty, the girl tht never wakes up..another person that describes me..haha

luv ya..goofy

Apr 3, 2005 at 00:45 o\clock

>>Im sicK oF Trying

Mood: ..angry..bored..
Listening to: its true


okay so i just came back from drama practice for seuss..and its really boring..we finally put our blocking on the stage but its like everyone is confused and everything.  its just a mess..i cant wait til tech week<---thats the most fun part of the whole show..well that and the parties after each show..haha

okay so now im woking on my ss project..fun (i know, you should all be jealous)..i wanted to go to julies but my mom is not letting me leave this stinkin house without getting this thing done! and im like on chapter 19 out of 24 chapters..plus i got to do the stinkin essay..(that guy is awesome)

everything is so messed up at my house right now..our living room is getting redone by my brother-in-law and we practically have no house from the dust and paint and smells everywhere..i think the only place that you can actually go into and survive is mine and my parents rooms..yea so its not much fun being stuck in this house.

well kayte got back from vacation and im not going to see her!i am so very upset! but i guess ill see her monday when we have to go back to school...(AUGH)..we have to take iowas..funfun well atleast no morning classes for a week..

                ..im sick of t.r.y.i.n.g

                        sick of c r y i n g

                  yea, im *smiling*

                                     but [inside]

                    im d/y/i/n/g..

 and that is so true..

well i best go and just get this ss thing done with..

fayoh yea..me right there..

Apr 2, 2005 at 01:02 o\clock

sHoPpInG anD SwImMiNg...wHaT cOuLD Be BeTTeR..?

Mood: ..tired.
Listening to: the telly

hey again..

lets see..i had a busy day today..i picked up my cousin..maggie fay and we hung out the whole day which was cool

we went shoping at crocker park which was so much funn! it couldnt have been better..then we went to my grandmas and we swam! i havent gone swimming in so long and i miss it!! lol...i cant wait till summer..SUMMER 2005!! and then 8th grade..wow...

well im gonna work on homework..homework on spring break


      ^haha that gu is awesome

Apr 1, 2005 at 00:00 o\clock

>>So mUch Is dIffEreNt..i HatE it

Mood: tired..kinda bored
Listening to: nothingg

heyy again

okay so yesterday was fun with sammie and everything.  we watched ladder 49 and it was awesome! everyone should get that movie and see it!! it was soo sad and sooo good!! and we also watched finding neverland..it was good but it wasnt exciting or anything. me and sammie also went hiking too..rock climbing kinda and it was fun and everything except for the poeple we went with who were soo annoying!!!! omg by the end of the little trip or whatever we were like SHUT UPP!!

today we went on a retreat and that was rlllyy funn! only eleven poeple were there which wasnt that many but i think if anymore went it wouldnt be all that funn anyway.  okay anyway we played some indoor games and those were sooo funn and then we went on a hike! we also decorated this banner thingy which was cool...


"..i just wish you would be yourself..i wish we didnt change.."

i wish he would act the same around me..it drives me crazy that he has changed sooo much in so little time..gosh that makes me so mad!

well i better go..luv ya always..


Mar 30, 2005 at 03:40 o\clock

bein cool

Mood: happy
Listening to: sammie and the telly

hi again

okay so sammies over and were having funn! we ate pizza and ate like pigs! and yea so were having fun..

yea so i had a really boring day..first i did a little homework and then i got in a fight with my mom..i know funfun.anyway so not a big day..

that is soo sammie


Mar 29, 2005 at 20:00 o\clock


Mood: still really bored
Listening to: over and over again

Your intense and passicnate. You are gutsy, sultry, and bold but have a bit of a bad temper. You are fearless, impulsive, assertive, and wild.

You are cute, kind, and sweet. You are calm, quiet, and content. You like candles and flowers and you love romance.

You are confident, energetic, and hyper. You are wild, outgoing, gutsy, and loud. YOu love being noticed.

You are extravagant, classy, and slighty vain. Looking good is like a neccessity to you and your money.

You are mellow, happy, unbeat, and friendly. You are positive and optinustic and are always finding a bright side to everything.

You are energetic and easy going. You are earthly and natural and open minded. You like changesand often get tired of the same things easily.

You are dependable and organized, and also slighty vain or conceivted. You don't get stressed out easily and you set goals and are not satisfied until you acheived them.

You are artsy, creative, and unique. You do your own things and don't get along with the crowd. Since purple is a mixture of red and blue, you are calm and intense at the same time.

You are sophisticated, classy, and conservative and like things simple and pure. You care about your looks and a bit of a clean freak.

You are introverted and pessimistic. You are often depressive and unhappy and discontent with your life and or self.

You are glamorous and exuberant. You are ambitious and love recognition. You have some sort of preoccupation with fame.

Mar 29, 2005 at 19:42 o\clock

X the things youva done before..

Mood: bored..
Listening to: since u been gone

(x) snuck out of the house
(x) gotten lost in your city
(x) saw a shooting star
(x) been to any other countries besides the united states

(x) had a serious surgery
(x) gone out in public in your pajamas

( ) kissed a stranger
( ) hugged a stranger
( ) been in a fist fight
( ) been arrested
( ) done drugs
( ) had alcohol
( ) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
( ) made out in an elevator
(x) swore at your parents
(x) kicked a guy where it hurts.
( ) been in love
( ) been close to love
(x) been to a casino
( ) broken a bone
( ) been high
( ) skinny-dipped
( ) skipped school
( ) flashed someone
( ) saw a therapist
(x) done the splits
( ) played spin the bottle
(x) gotten stitches
(x) had an IV
(x) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(x) bitten someone
(x) been to Niagara Falls

( ) gotten the chicken pox
(kinda..dont ask) kissed a member of the opposite sex
( ) kissed a member of the same sex
( ) crashed into a friend's car
( ) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x) been dumped

( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
( ) stole something from your job
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
( ) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
( ) been to Europe
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
(x) saw someone die
( ) been to Africa
(x) Driven over 400 miles in one day
(x) Been to Canada

( ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
( ) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Thrown up in a bar
( ) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire
( ) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been snowboarding
( ) Met someone in person from the internet
( ) Been moshing at a rock show
( ) Cut yourself on purpose
(x) Been to a moto cross show
( ) lost a child
( ) gone to college
( ) graduated college
( ) done hard drugs
( ) tried killing yourself
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now for some reason

Mar 29, 2005 at 04:04 o\clock

its REAL

Mood: happy
Listening to: hazel eyes

hello again..

okay so i just came back from the mall..i went with coletta and emma! i miss coletta! i wish she was still at our school! and em is always fun to hang around..so yea we had a really good time just hangin around the mall...lookin for like nothing.  i got this necklace thingy..its cute.  coletta got this mood ring and it was saying she was crabby!! haha i have never seen or heard coletta be crabby before.  it was funny...and omg coletta and em are black and im white! lol (inside joke)

okay..well yea i watched a movie and just hung out talking to people online and everything...lazy day.

i am so sorry to everyone going to the ix center!! i cant go..i am soo sorry kait, coletta, and lauren! i cant take rides..i have to hang out with magzie fay...

"..when i make you laugh; its a brighter day.."

okay everyone..i do like him! augh!! what am i gonna do??

okay..i have nothing to do tomorrow..call me up plzz




Mar 28, 2005 at 22:46 o\clock

Stay True To Yourself

Mood: frustrated
Listening to: how could you

okay i seriously dont get this:

why do poeple have to be different than who they really are?

its like they need to hide or something and it bugs the crap out of me! its like they are so insecure and they need to hide behind a mask and its really stupid! i mean why would anyone want to be someone who is not true to everything they believe in? are they trying to impress someone? beyond me! who would like someone who is always pretending all the time? okay sorry, that was really bugging me..

okay if anyone wants to go to ix center this friday call me or leave somethin.  im takin lauren, charli, and kait and im tryin to figure out the rest..


Mar 28, 2005 at 18:39 o\clock


Mood: reeeaallllly tired..
Listening to: the tv..

hello again..

hahai had a fuuunnnn time at kaitlyns! lauren came too and it was sooo mucho funn! hahaha kaitlyn sounds like a squeaking turtle! and lauren totally fidgets! hahaaa we filled up kaits journal! haha omg that was soo fun and it took is like 3 hrs!

omg! whoever did that to kaitlyn is so mean! why would anyone do that? and kaitlyn is soo cool..why would anyone go that far! i mean seriously it wasnt funny at all and it was just cruel! when we find out who did it..

and now..im rllllly tired! im gonna dddiiiieeee! auuuggghhhh..okay now im done


Mar 28, 2005 at 01:54 o\clock

its gettin better..

Mood: excited/kinda mad
Listening to: nothingggg

heyy again

sooo in like 5 minutes im goin to kaitlyns yayy! okay so yea my easter is gettin better but my cousin is bugging me rllly bad! its like we were so close before and now that he is in highschool hes like too cool for anyone now. and so i dont really enjoy when i see him..

okay...so now im rlly bored...omg pray for brendan..his grandma is dying and his family needs our prayers..

kay only one spot left in the car to the ix ctr..call me if you wanna go..


^ that is sooo me