Rambling

I think i have written enough about how frustrating i find things at home at the moment. Suffocating in a sense. I am starting to feel fat as well. Need to get back into an exercise regime. Swimming or the gym or something. I wish i was still in Japan. I know i was having a shit time, but at least i didn't have to try living up to everyones expectations.

I have a birthday to go to this weekend and i am looking forward to getting away. Yay. It will be nice. My family seems to begrudge me actually having friends. If i spend time with them, i am not making the effort with dad and if i spend time with them and dad then i am not making the effort with mum and i am made to feel guilty for spending time with dad. I am sick to death of this. It is her messy divorce, the pair of them need to stop using their kids as ammunition to have petty digs at eachother.

Anyways, need to go and do some birthday present shopping or maybe just watch some tv. Get off the computer at any stage. I just want to be happy and i NEVER am when i am around my family and i am sick of it. But i always end up messing up when i leave as well. It is too much change to quick and too much to take in, at least that is what the doctor said anyway. God i wish (p) was here. I could do with his advice. But I have (L) which is good. I need to ring (K) as well, dunno her number though. Should have it in an email somewhere i guess. But anyways, that's it for now. Never noticed how much i overuse that word (anyway). it appears quite a lot ne.

I am sick of not being able to do anything right with dad whatsoever. I am always perceived as the difficult one simply because i get frustrated at trying to do the right thing and never actually doing or saying the right thing.

LATER

 yay, got to talk to (p) on msn, miss him like crazy, but it's nice to know he is 'there' if you know what i mean. Anyway, time for a tarot card reading i think.