Rambling

hmmm, not proud of myself, but there you have it. we didn't speak at the wedding hardly.   I let things get the better of me a little bit. I was seated on another table for the reception which was a good thing. it wouldn't have been pleasant being on the same table.....

apart from that though it was a lovely wedding. I met some interesting people on my table and it was a great day.  

The baby is due any day.  My brother has tickets to the boxing which mum bought - he invited me to go if i want, which was nice. I do want to know my brother. The relationship with my mother seems irreprable unfortunately and i wish it was oherwise, but she sat there and told my aunty right in front of me the whole story ' i told (my brother) ages ago. i soke to a financial adviser and  was advised to sell and put the money into superannuation before I retire......blah blah. His housemates have moved out. And she simply says to me " oh, I found your makeup case i bought you and....(a few other items)". BITCH. How insensitive is that when it is the first time i have heard it FROM HER.

Guess it lets me know where i stand......just get on with my life and be myself.  Maybe one day she will accept me whether i can fucking have a baby or not.

i probably sound really selfish, but it hurt. she even walked past me in the toilets without saying a word. We may as well have been strangers. I didn't let her kiss me goodbye or drive me home despite repeated offers. sat together during the ceremony and had a photo together and that was it. I just want her to be happy and i wanted to be part of her life. she is my mum for god sake.

I tried not to let it spoil my night though. The bride and groom were wonderful and seemed very happy and it was actually reallly nice to see my aunty (s) and uncle (s) again.