Rambling

had a curious thought last night - mum had a fight with her brother over nannas house when she died of cancer - he had wanted to sell it. Poppy went to a nursing home.  Her waiting for the blood test results was maybe almost like reliving it if I am gaging the atmosphere at the moment. She has no relationship with her brother and mine makes fuck all effort with me. Just from what i am gaging i have a feeling it's like she is making me her. All of a sudden mum is sick with cancer (no it wasnt cancer and she wasnt dying in the end) and I am upset that she is selling her house....no nothing could have been further from it. Might sound a little odd to write, but you have to be there to understand perhaps.

Another memory is that she has always said she married dad to escape. Well I feel exaclty the same way. I cannot continue to keep putting myself through so much hurt if the situation isn't going to change.....

Why is it OK for her to bitch about me and put words in my mouth that I have never said, which also causes other family members hurt and then I GET THE BLAME for it.....Just ONCE it would be nice for someone to take my side. Her feelings and emotions have ALWAYS taken precedence.

Still feeling like moving interstate. At least that way I would be further away from it.