Rambling

Pretty much says it all. It has been crushed too many times. I have been through way too much and it just gets too hard and there are too many things distracting me and that i have to think about, stuff just takes too much energy to cope with at the moment. I am tired of fighting with mum. It's worse now that it is unspoken but i am not going to bite. Just ride it out i guess. Things will change and stuff will get ok again. Probably after they have their holiday in NZ. Hopefully.

I am too tired of everything. The scary thing last night at the play is i actually identified with the suicidal thoughts. I didn't think it possible, but I am even more depressed now that I am at home. I just wanted to talk to my mum and I CAN'T. She never understands me.

They don't want me to feel like a burden and stuff, but by bloody molly codling me, they arre treating me like i am five years old for christ sake. I know they love me, i guess they need someone to take their pissed offedness and frustrations out on as well.

You know what i don't see her making my brother feel guilty for not coming to even visit her in the bloody hospital for god sake. Non of (t)'s kids came to visit either. And i hate men, jesus christ. Do you see how impossible this shit is.