Rambling

well, am here finally. Feeling a little nervous about the holiday, however it should be fun. Mum and (t) dropped me off, at the airport which was good. I am glad i am giving them a break for a while. Mum has been stressed and i feel a little bit bad for getting under their feet. I have been a little moody, but i can't please everyone and its time i learnt to stop trying to do things for everyone else - despite what people in the family might think. It's how i feel anyway. At the moment, maybe not when i get back - who knows

The flight was ok. There is a big rugby game on while i am here, so there are lots of tourists around. I am apparently staying in a street that is known as the red light district........hmmmm. no it seems ok so far and its only for a night.

I am meeting (je) my flat mate from last time i was in Japan. This is going to be interesting to see how it goes. I don't have a good feeling but.....I am also seeing (G) who lives in the South Island, which i am looking forward to. Haven't heard from her in a while though which is a bugger.

My aikido article is up and running as well. I have had quite a few hits on it, which is cool.

Anyway, enough for now. i suppose.  It is good to be away. The doctor is also helpful, i am just a little embarrassed or at least i was at first anyways. But she has been very good at helping me to flesh things out.

AFTER DINNER - shit, the bitch really doesn't like me. She has never taken any interest in me or anything i do at all. Not even remotely. Her and bloody (ka) both hated me and that happened since tokyo - if they thought i was copying them they are wrong, it's a free country. I should be able to do whatever i like. Tourists go to fucking tokyo - i was near the end of my contract I wanted to see it. I had no idea what dates they were even fucking going. I am sick of feeling like she is competing or jealous. She has no need to stab me in the back with everyone else. NO ONE in Japan liked me at all. They don't keep in touch with me. I don't even hear from (kr) anymore. (je) is an insincere lying bitch. I wasn't deliberately copying her or anything. i don't know what it is but i obviously rub her up the wrong way. (Ka) must have said something or written something - WHY does it matter. All i wanted was to see some "friendly" faces. Have i ever actually made a fucking genuine friend at anything i have tried? So yeah, not a success. I am tired of feeling so fucking lonely. It was two girls who turned on me for a very pathetic reason. For god sake, does it matter if i went to the same city as them, but the thing is i MUST do it a lot and not really realise it. It is my way of establishing a rapport, you find things in common with people. I am trying to take an interest, but i guess i am doing it the wrong way. I must have been pretty upset about things. I thought people cared about me. The only ones i didn't like were (je and ka).  But anyways.....i should try not to let it spoil my holiday. I should not have even bothered looking her up.