Rambling

Had a talk with mum tonight and i think it has cleared the air a little. Unspoken tension is awful. Now i hope she stops getting upset at me spending time with dad and that me going to the bloody football doesn't upset them. I have a lot of work to do to improve my relationship with him at the moment i suppose. I am not baring a grudge i just get frustrated at not being able to talk to him. Anyway, feel better and she wasnt angry at me anyways, i was careful not to mention the m word, just said i found him frustrating.

I felt they needed to hear it though. I wasn't accusing them of anything, but i feel like i have no space and can't do anything without them picking at everything. But anyways....

on a brighter note, I have three interviews next week. So hopefully something comes up. I am also hoping that i get the ANZ job though, which would be kinda nice. I was offered a part time position there last year, so who knows, this one could be ok. I tried my best to get involved and be forthcoming. I dunno how many others they interviewed, everyone there was pretty good. Difficult to chose I think. Might depend on the referees. The guts of it is that i think it'll be ok though. I also have an interview with a media company next week. So i need to brush up on my current affairs over the weekend. I will do it Sat night when mum is out for dinner i think, i will be more relaxed. That's all it is, me not feeling relaxed at the moment and that is not good. Anxious and getting more anxious detecting mums anxiety.

i need to stop it ne.

Anyways, i am going to centrelink this week as well, so either way I will have some money coming in. Hopefully i have a job offer by the end of the week though. I have had enough interviews, that i should crack something.  hmmmph.

well, not much more to write. Must say i am writing more now that i have in a while, i mean diary- wise. I have kept a diary since i was ten but it kind of dwindled to only being monthly or weekly entries from once a day for a few years in the beginning. You get the picture a while between entries which means i probably forget to put stuff in it, but i ususally have a pretty good account of my anxieties and concerns at the time. Thats when i write in them the most, when i am having a mini or major crises/problem or issue. There have also been cruches, the whole joel thing - i am still having dreams about that actually. It is hard to determine if i had feelings for him or if i wa manipulated into it, i can't tell....that's why i am still agonising i guess.

alright, enough for now. more later. sorry if i'm boring you.