dad
had lunch today and ended up in tears. Basically told him i find things frustrating and never know which way is up with him and his wife and that i was pissed off about the other weekend when she ignored the door. You know, if he can't talk to me about the phone call he got from tom and joel and wants to take it to heart when i have tried asking him then there is not much i can do and yet he has a go at me for not telling people when i am pissed off. UMMMM hello, i am trying to communicate with him but it is a little difficult when i am being insulted about not being able to have kids and seeing a fucking psychiatrist, ignore the door, get upset with me on the trip when i have no idea why except that i told him mum worries, and stay pissed off at me from the minute we get back from organising health insurance for my holiday. At the time i didn't realise she had written to him and he sits there and tells me i have a problem, yet they keep bringing up the past. It just gets too frustrating. I didn't expect a big fancy trip from him, you know. I am sick of getting upset by them simply because they hate mum so much. Maybe it is me. Perhaps i shouldn't have bothered saying anything to mum or dad about it and just not let it get to me, but you know what i am sick of everytime i see him getting upset and feeling like we haven't really talked and i am never sure why. I am trying to reach out to him and he doesn't seem to give a shit. His response when i told him i was upset about his and (f)'s comments about not having ovaries he told me to lighten up. That only made me angrier.
I can't talk to mum about this anymore either because i don't want to have my comments misconstrued again. I can't help it he upsets me. Hopefully this week will be good. I start working and I will have other things to focus on. Hope things are ok with dad, it didn't seem very good. I was crying and he didn't really seem to care less very much. God only knows i sure as hell will not be seeing his wife for a while, and thats exactly what she wants. It simply makes my relationship with him difficult because he doesn't seem to have a mind of his own. I dunno.....i just want peoples perceptions of me to change. I am quiet because i don't feel like talking and don't feel like mum understands me. I don't want to talk to her because i don't want to upset her and give her the wrong idea.
Anyways, news is on soon, better go and get myself informed.
I am sick to death of this, why do i find it so hard to establish any kind of relationship with anyone. Dad was a great support to (f)'s daughter who has had similar difficulties and all we can do is fucking fight because of his stupid bitch of a wife and the fact they both hate mum. It makes it fucking impossible.
