Rambling

feeling a little tipsy after dinner, am glad to be starting work next monday. Maybe that will change the focus of what is going on in the family. I think next dinner (j and z) are over will end the tension for good. Maybe not until then will all be resolved. I am never going to change mum's perception. Give it time i guess. There is no more danger of her interfering and maybe my relationship with dad will improve once this has happened for a while.

There seems to be a lot of emotions flying aorund at the moment about my return especially now my brother is doing better, maybe they are upset i wasn't there for him. I did what i could, he never seemed to want to tell me anything and i am sick of not undertstanding why dad is upset with me whenit is mum he is pissed off with. My opinion is not necessarily my mothers.

Anyways, writing this has been therapeutic.  Mum's partner is away in manila next week for ten days, mum is not so happy about this. He works too hard. They have all this stuff going on about them not being married and having their relationship accepted by the rest of the famuly which i think has influenced their perception of me and my comments as well. You know what, mum needs to stop laying all her emotional baggage onto me. i have enough of my own to deal with.

Harsh comment maybe, but it's true. I am sorry i upset her, but it had to be said.

still feeling frustrated.........like i am banging my head against a brick wall. I want a better realtionship with my family that is why i said what i said, i didn't say it to be horrible, but she needs to let me do things for myself.