Rambling

weird that the url keeps changing on me....but anyways.  I really need to stop torturing myself. Read (Je) blog again tonight (Ka) had her baby. I thought they were my friends and suprisingly she has written an entry about a girl in highschool her clique did not remain in contact with and were pretty nasty to and all of a sudden she has made contact with this girl out of curiousity and how the past doesnt matter. HUH. She is a bitch.  Well its clear we don't get along at any rate.

 I wasted all my time on them when I thought they were my friends instead of standing up for myself and making friends with other people there. I know it isnt all their fault and they got sick of me venting about work however I got sick of being the thrid wheel when we went out and they bitched just as much. Part of me wishes I could turn back the clock and that I had not wated so much effort on a useless friendship path. I do regret that things turned out like it. But I am not going to force a relationship they don't want. I remember trying to talk to them about it and they refused. Not much I can do if the cunts didn't value the friendship enough to try and work it out.

I am fed up with being lonely though, I really am. I am sorry if this sounds like a miserable entry, I am just really lonely. I would love to have someone special TO take on my road trip.....It is exciting, but there is still a void and I am not getting younger. I need to realise that I am not going to be in my 20s forever.

I had a great night out at the work farewell on Friday...and I like the people at work....just wish I wasnt so resigned to being alone. Yes, we have established I can do things on my own and thats all great and kudos and all that jazz, but there has to be something more.

Part of me is afraid of being hurt again because I have had a lot of shit thrown at me, I just want peace and to be happy.