Rambling

I can relax for a while. YAY. I guess i just need to give my comments time to heal. I upset them and there isn't much i can do about it.

Mum just doesnt understand me and i am not sure why there is some kind of power struggle going on or something....it's hard to describe. I guess i need to learn to keep my mouth shut. I have a role that people are used to and need to change that over time, it's not going to be an instant fix.  I hate all men is her perception then i guess i will just have to let her have it. It's not true. I know what i bloody fucking went through. It is patronising for her not to listen and then to have this horrible misinterpretation floating around because of the timing and i am sick of having the guilt trip layed on me.

But anyways, first day on the job tomorrow, which is cool. What isn't s cool is having to get up at 5am to go to mulgrave by public transport. Be nice of mum to offer me the fucking car, but i guess i did crash the corolla, which is the joke of  dad's side of the family, never mind the fact i am lucky i wasnt hurt, its fucking hysterical, so is the fact i can't have kids and the stress created for mum...bastard. It was ages ago though, but i am not going to argue about it with her. I really couldn't care less. What irritates me is that she then gets all anxious about me catching fucking public transport. That is infuriating she can't fucking have it both ways.

And her partner feels rejected by me simply because i want to try and fix my relationship with my father. No, i still love him as well. I don't think he i an embezzler or anything, but i guess they have taken my comments to heart. Time and just keep my mouth shut i guess and it will lbow over, but i am getting sick of trying to appease them and make them understand they misconstrued what i was saying. They are too hurt i guess, but i didn't intend it to, not at all if she hadn't fucking jumped down my throat.

oh well, goodnight.