Scared
I am scared there is something wrong with me......
had a bad day at work yesterday - some really flat monitoring yesterday. Made a crn transfer mistake today - rectified straight away but still doesn't look good......Ended up needing time off the phones because i just burst into tears. I couldn't bare being told i am not cutting it here and having to start again. Don't think I would get over that hurdle in a hurry.
I am now concerned i might have bi polar - maybe i am being hypochondriac, but......I do seem to let my family problems preoccupy me.....hard when i feel hurt. I am also never quite sure if my shrink is on my side or not. She seems to be encouraging me and brought up my low self esteem, but what if it's more than that....
Is it me complicating things or is it the situation i have had with mum that has contributed and i am just not sure how to make an opinion. One thing for sure, I am scared to express one in front of her because i don't want it dismissed or laughed at or belittled.
Chin up though chicky. try not to dwell it might be hard, but try and have fun with (k and the others) tonight. Don't let it spoil the night out.
It is time to get the ball roling for ME. I am getting thingson track. Boxing, Japanese......
Mum going to my shrink telling her i was suicidal at the least is totally off base. I haven't confronted her with it though.
This problem where i fixate on this stuff and it stops me focusing and concentrating on other things is a problem. All i could fixate on in Japan was (t and j) all i could fixate on the first time was why I wasn't told about my crap performance.
I don't know if i am normal or if i have every right to be offended by the way i was treated when i got home after this 2nd trip to Japan and what's happened since.
My shrink was telling me I am too easily manipulated, wants me to avoid mum.....i wish i knew how to take some of this. Most of all though I am missing my brother. I don't feel manic though and like i have extreme ups and extreme lows. Maybe i am wrong though. Surely I would know by now after the amount of sessions i have had. My shrink has read diary after diary and we have had session after session.....Her response is to tell me to avoid mum.
