Rambling

Feeling a little isolated and sorry for myself and just keep crying at frustration with the whole family crap. I am so fed up. I am even making mistakes at work - made a pretty major f up the other day. Really can't afford to stuff this one up as well. So bit of a thud back to earth. I dunno, maybe I am not motivated or something. I know a bankisn't me, but the job does have potential if i do well, so i need to concentrate even if I only stay a year. I at least want to be able to leave knowing this one worked out. i dunno, at the moment i feel like the hill i have to get over is just too big and I dont know if i am ever going to get out or over it. I feel like I am sinking and just can never quite get on top of things. I need my family, I don't want to be alone and I am sick of always being pitted by myself. They don't like me pointing out the obvious and it backfires everytime I try and say something so I guess i need to learn from it as well, my approach isn't working, so i need a new strategy to get treated the way i want, and NOT revert to tantrums out of frustration at feeling tortured.

Not happy at the moment this week. I just want to be able to sit down and have a conversation with my family that is not complicated by so much other fucking crap. I amnot trying to make a huge drama out of everything. I really am struggling to get out of bed at the moment, which means I am pretty majorly depressed. Which I hate because I shouldnt be.It's just so hard to stop the negativity I am too hurt at the moment. SIck of bursting into tears at inappropriate moments as well.

Stop wollowing over the same shit....I know I know, easier said than done I tell you. Had lunch today and you know what - there is not a lot of conversational topics we can talk about.....