MOVIES
Been seeing a lot of movies lately. In Her Shoes, Wallace and Grommit, Elizabethtown, Wolf Creek, The Perfect Man, Yeah, alright i've been pretty bored. Surprised none of my family called to come and see my apartment this weekend either. Little disappointed about that. Especially surprised at mum for it. Whay do we place such high expectations on each other - i guess we have been to dependent on each other i dunno what it is exactly....
Anyways, I am really enjoying having my own space at the moment. My shrink appointment is tomorrow after work, so i am starting early for the day. Hope they remembered this......
I was out with (tr) from work today. She is 34, which is 8 years older than me.......hmmm, no I dont care personally about that - but i know mum would. Just wish i oculd stop giving out the disinterested vibe when i am out with people socially.
I have cried the last two nights in a row about bloody (j). I still miss him which i find really strange......I trusted him. I wish he had talked to me about it. That is never going to happen and never was going to happen.
Part of me wants to get back out there, and part of me is tired of actually repeatedly putting myself out there and constantly getting trampled on whenever i try. I am not a horrible person, why do I seem to be such an easy target for this crap. I think some of this is because I never really got over the whole (t,a,n,a,j,s)thing at college that happened. I dont need mum playing this sick game of do you love me,you dont love me enough,bull shit while i am trying to figure stuff out and get MY life on track.
I am sounding repetetive sorry. I wish just once i could stop and think positive. I hate being like this. Today was actually quite a pleasant day. I am maybe a little sensitive to how I am relating to people since the whole japan thing thats all and bloody mum doesnt help by making me feel like i am three and treating me like a pathetic handicapped little invalid. SORRY. But i need to vent, I have been putting on a happy face today at least trying to and i need to vent.
All in all a fairly ok weekend. Party on Fri and StKilda today with (tr). I don't want to blow it this time......I really can not take anymore setbacks.
I did actually have a pleasant day today.
