Rambling

dunno what my browser is doing at the moment but it is working and showing me the correct page to submit an entry so i dont need to click text mode.

had lunch with dad and my brother today, and then went to a movie 'click' afterwards. then drinks for a girl at work who goes on her honeymoon on Sunday.

lunch was good. havent seen them in a while, so good to catch up.

saw my shrink today and she said i dont need to see her again unless i want to basically, which is good i suppose. wish it had never gotten to that stage, but if i wasn't coping then at least i had nouse enough to seek help. just dunno if i want this kind of thing in a medical file for me dont want other strangers thinking i am nuts or anything...not that it matters i suppose. Part of me feels like she didn't quite get me, the experience is quite hard to explain especially when no one will actually talk to you about it and you feel like you have to guess. But if i was fine why would i have to go and see her for a year....and yet every session i see her she tells me i am fine, why then did it last a year....dont suppose it matters anymore. Life is OK at the moment.

I am not suffering from anxiety or anything like that. I guess i am never going to understand.

i am never going to fogive my mother for going and saying i was suicidal. that really hurt and put the shrink in a tricky position, she had to consider it even if it wasnt true, just imagine if i had of done something then it would be her arse on the line for ignoring my mother. That stinks. Whats worse is that to descirbe how i feel about the way I am treated is soo hard to do without sounding completely nuts whether i actually am or not.

I resent the fact i am the one seeing a shrink when i am not the only one in this family who quite obviously needs it and some more than others.

It has been good in that I have had to accept and look at a few things that have happened in the past. I may moan that i dont need a shrink, but what happened to me with (t and j) is/was not normal. What  happened in various other situations as well was not nice and I need to learn skills to avoid it/deal with it and understand it and to recognise that I am equal and not a piece of crap.

Sorry if this is a bit too serious, but i needed to vent a little.

But anyways, I have some good things to look forward to - my working holiday in Canada and the UK to name a few. 

I get my award prize sometime over the next few days which is cool. was so chuffed to get it, really boosted my confidence.