Rambling

Things seem to be picking up. Hopefully. I know i obviously hurt people a lot, but it couldn't be helped. I just hope my poor brother can forgive me. I want to be there for him, i only feel bad if he doesn't  think i was....he must have been going through absolute hell to attempt suicide so i can understand why my comments were upsetting, but they were to mum, not to him and she didn't have to tell him for god sake, imagine that.  He doesn't deserve to hear that. Bloody hell.

Mum and (t) seem to be getting the message and things with dad might be easier without mum interfering.  Sunday was a great day.

I haven't been talking much and i think they are starting to understand WHY I am not talking.

Work on the other hand has been great. Yesterday was our first day on the phones and boy is there a lot of information we have to remember. I seem to need help  A LOT. But hey, better to ask then to give the wrong answer and totally f up and get into trouble for it further down the track.

The people are nice, i have been a little distracted though because of what's been going on, but hey never mind. I will live i guess. It's always been the same story. I need to go and travel again, but i think i will stick this job out for  while then maybe try and do what (yu) is doing and work in a bank overseas if it's possible.  Maybe  NZ or somewhere else.....The family is going to resent that though - i think, it will look like running away again. Nevermind. more to write later

Goodnight.