Bored, Sad, Lonely.....
that about sums up how i am feeling at the moment. i am sick of job hunting, barely have the energy or motivation to write out selection criteria which isn't good. I just don't care at the moment, but i don't particularly want to go on the dole either......we'll see.
Anyway, apart from that had my doctors appointment today. told her about the holiday to new zealand and being picked on by most of the people. I am finally starting to undertsand why. ....i cop a lot of crap from women because i never want to pick up and i am "competition" for men. Men don't respond t me because other women reject me....
I actually prefer talking to men, they are a lot less bitchy. It's just a pity i got lead astray by two absolute shit heads, but i still need to establish a network for myself now i am back and trying to settle into a life. I need to get a decent job, not just something interim before i travel. i want to start getting grounded and developing a life for myself. I am 26, i don't really have that long til i am 30 and at the moment i have barely any savings because i have spent it all travelling and got fucked over with work and the transfer which ended up losing me about a months pay in rent deposits and not getting the settling in loan back which they should have bloody paid me...but never mind.
I just wish i had some motivation to find work, and i really could not be bothered at the moment. I just want to be left alone. I have been writing heaps and using the computer a lot, so the family feels a little neglected. I get tired of mum panicking about every little thing i do and dad not giving a bloody crap and my brother has his problems to deal with - it has been like that for 6 or 7 years though and i want some attention. I need my bloody parents too for fuck sake. I dont need them ignoring each other at my graduation and being like petty immature kids.
I just wish i could put my finger on what it is i do wrong because i am so anti people at the moment it is not funny. I am sick of being the one that gets picked on TIME and TIME again. For once i want a period of my life to be hassle free and to be genuinely HAPPY. There hasn't been too many yet in a sense and it's starting to show. I look tired and old at the moment and not like i used to. I just don't feel like I have any fight left in me to deal with getting fucking picked on.
