Bledisloe Cup
Well last night was ok. Wallabies lost to the All Blacks though. One of the women I went with is a Kiwi and she said you can normally tell if they are going to win by the way the haka is performed.....Still it was a close match and fairly exciting to watch considering I am not someone that really follows Rugby much. Needless to say my kiwi friend was very happy about the result. I couldnt have cared less and neither did the others girls......very much. I was just glad to have a night out.
Got asked for ID in the casino, which happens EVERY time i walk through to get from one end of the building to the other. People do not look at your face before they ask. It's like there is an alarm or something because they come running over, and it's like you can see/hear them going...
"...oh oh oh short person I have to ask for ID".....for fuck sake.
That is a very slight exaggeration but I find it patronising when I do get asked anywhere, because the guy asking me is usually a bouncer in his 20s himself and being 27 that is upsetting because they all take this really childish tone with me as if I look about 5.
Usually I laugh it off due to the sheer ridiculousness now that I am about 10 years over the legal limit, and try to be good natured, but I simply don't find it a compliment. Men don't look at me in that way as it is and to have them treating me like that when I am out for the purpose of meeting men, doesn't put a good positive outlook on how the night is going to pan out and then I get fed up with being elbowed in the head by everyone or having my back dug into be people pushing past and people talking over me to pick each other up and ignoring me.
I get the same thing when I meet women, I get the once over and it feels as if they dismiss me and don't want to get to know me because I am not a man magnet who is going to help them find a mate with the click of my fingers...if that makes any sense.
I don't want to sound so negative, but I get fed up with feeling I am never going to get my shit together. One moment I am criticised for being too facially expressive and the next I am criticised for not showing any emotion.
I am not interested in putting myself out there anymore when things I have tried in the past have failed terribly. Not all of that of course was my looks. I understand that, but the hurts from the past have made me weary and cautious and a little jaded to the point I prefer to be on my own because I have given up trying to understand where I am going wrong. People call me reserved and yet half the time I feel like I am trying to show interest in someone and those efforts go ignored or are unreciprocated. If I ask about how someones holiday was for example, then I will listen while they tell me all about it. And yet when I mention I am going on holidays they are not even interested enough to fucking ask where I am going and then I get picked on for being too quiet for fuck sake.
Saw my dad and brother today....was ok. probably too hung over to be much company. We watched Team America -it's a movie made by the South Park Creators and is quite funny/interesting/perceptive.
I still have two more days off.
My computer is still freaking me out by installing updates for everthing under the sun. Windows, Firefox. Something mucked up and i kept getting a message saying norton did not recognise the repair key....no idea what it meant, but apparently files were corrupt. However I have checked it and everything says it is doing what it should. I called tech support for the pc covered by the warranty when i bought it and i followed their advice which was to restore to an earlier point when it was working and re install the updates. fuck i hate computers sometimes. Bloody antivirus software that constantly goes awry. I wasn't going to spend all day with it like the fiasco that happened and it seems ok now....so...hopefully the problem resolved itself....
Got asked for ID in the casino, which happens EVERY time i walk through to get from one end of the building to the other. People do not look at your face before they ask. It's like there is an alarm or something because they come running over, and it's like you can see/hear them going...
"...oh oh oh short person I have to ask for ID".....for fuck sake.
That is a very slight exaggeration but I find it patronising when I do get asked anywhere, because the guy asking me is usually a bouncer in his 20s himself and being 27 that is upsetting because they all take this really childish tone with me as if I look about 5.
Usually I laugh it off due to the sheer ridiculousness now that I am about 10 years over the legal limit, and try to be good natured, but I simply don't find it a compliment. Men don't look at me in that way as it is and to have them treating me like that when I am out for the purpose of meeting men, doesn't put a good positive outlook on how the night is going to pan out and then I get fed up with being elbowed in the head by everyone or having my back dug into be people pushing past and people talking over me to pick each other up and ignoring me.
I get the same thing when I meet women, I get the once over and it feels as if they dismiss me and don't want to get to know me because I am not a man magnet who is going to help them find a mate with the click of my fingers...if that makes any sense.
I don't want to sound so negative, but I get fed up with feeling I am never going to get my shit together. One moment I am criticised for being too facially expressive and the next I am criticised for not showing any emotion.
I am not interested in putting myself out there anymore when things I have tried in the past have failed terribly. Not all of that of course was my looks. I understand that, but the hurts from the past have made me weary and cautious and a little jaded to the point I prefer to be on my own because I have given up trying to understand where I am going wrong. People call me reserved and yet half the time I feel like I am trying to show interest in someone and those efforts go ignored or are unreciprocated. If I ask about how someones holiday was for example, then I will listen while they tell me all about it. And yet when I mention I am going on holidays they are not even interested enough to fucking ask where I am going and then I get picked on for being too quiet for fuck sake.
Saw my dad and brother today....was ok. probably too hung over to be much company. We watched Team America -it's a movie made by the South Park Creators and is quite funny/interesting/perceptive.
I still have two more days off.
My computer is still freaking me out by installing updates for everthing under the sun. Windows, Firefox. Something mucked up and i kept getting a message saying norton did not recognise the repair key....no idea what it meant, but apparently files were corrupt. However I have checked it and everything says it is doing what it should. I called tech support for the pc covered by the warranty when i bought it and i followed their advice which was to restore to an earlier point when it was working and re install the updates. fuck i hate computers sometimes. Bloody antivirus software that constantly goes awry. I wasn't going to spend all day with it like the fiasco that happened and it seems ok now....so...hopefully the problem resolved itself....
