Rambling

Bought a book about emotionally/verbally abusive relationships the other day which has proved interesting reading. I seem to fit the description here and my therapists reactions and comments seem to be confirming this.

How is my self worth so low that I let this happen.  The woman (my mother is.....words cannot describe). Anything I do - buying her a birthday card means I am trying to show up my brother for not getting her anything. Is it not perfectly reasonable to be upset at getting left out of the birthday initially. Not that I made a big scene about it because it worked out ok. But if I had said anything then mum wouldn't have wanted to hear it and the same stuff all over again.

She slags me off to the rest of the family saying things that I have never even said or verbalized and yet I am feeling guilty. I should be annoyed. I don't do it to her. I deserve the same respect. My opinion may have been offensive that does not mean it wasn't valid and real. Would a rational person feel guilty?

It is like I can't get away from her. Join a gym and she does the same thing. Hair cuts, she has joined a choir (I did this whilst in school). It gets too hard to tell who is copying who though......Every conversation out of my mouth I have to consider how she is going to twist it. This is exhausting and up until now I have though totally NORMAL. It isn't is it.....