A day at the footy
Day at the footy with dad and my brother. It was ok, but i wish dad would stop with the guilty conscience. I am simply frustrated at never being able to talk to him. I don't think he is a villain, i think he is frustrating. I never know what is ok and what's not and i get sick of guessing what the problem is.
Hawthorn won against Essendon. My brother goes for Hawthorn and dad goes for Essendon. Mum is not home at the moment, I hope with time things improve a lot of it will be up to me making an effort though i guess in part.
Have an interview and my doctors appointment tomorrow, so it's going to be an interesting day.
I don't really have much more to write, so i will leave you here.
LATER
been doing some more thinking and you know, realising how much i have upset mum and her partner makes me realise that if that truly was dads reaction to something that mum did to HELP me, without actually bothering to say something and simply get all pissed off he is totally not worth it and i don't need to put up with being insulted by his fucking wife about the fact i am getting counselling and the fact i can't have kids and he NEVER stands up for me (us). She hates us anyway. Why am i beating myself up over it. I wanted his help (not financial and once again he can't because of that stupid neurotic bitch and his own guilty conscience) this is not about my brother it is about his relationship with ME for fuck sake and we don't have one. It totally was not even worth the effort of upsetting mum especially when she was sick. I am feeling pretty guilty about that, but the damage is done now and i am going to look like a right cow if i do something now after blowing up about it. I need to tread carefully for a while i think. I just want it to blow over, and hopefully after another week or two it will. I dunno. I am so tired of trying to please everyone and ending up pleasing no one. Maybe i should just lay down some ground rules with him, i dunno. It just makes things too hard and i think i can understand why i have had so much problems, i have never known who's side to take and it has just dragged on too long.
