Rambling

Nov 18, 2010 at 08:31 o\clock

Grrrr

Went to see a counsellor today and left feeling like I just got no help at all. She took a history on me, made me fill out a heap of paperwork and a questionnaire to see if I was depressed. Told me at the end - you are not depressed or mentally ill so I will leave it up to you if you want to come again..... really bloody helpful. I am feeling lonely and overwhelmed. I didn't get either job I went for which I am not surprised about really because I did not intervew well and really was too tired at the time. 

Found out my boss has a new girlfriend and she bought him a sports car for his birthday. I would find that a little weird. She must have A LOT of money to do something like that. I just find him arrogant and rude and snobby. 

I am not getting along with my boss much better. I got marked down on meeting targets because I ask questions (to avoid making errors). It is so frustrating because it is like you are always treading on toes no matter who you ask for help which is bullshit.  If I don't ask my team member she gets upset we don't use her knowledge and the boss gets annoyed because we take her away from doing her work. If we ask other people then we upset them meeting their processing time frames. What a stupid thing to penalise someone for.   He was also really awful about me needing time off to go and see the counsellor. He assumed it was a job interview and didn't believe me so got really difficult with me. It's like every one on one I have he finds a new reason to keep me just out of reach of being where I should be because the bar gets lifted or he changes his expectations and I just don't know what I am meant to do anymore. At least that's how I am feeling about things anyway. He may have some valid points I agree on but I just find it really hard when his expectations seem to keep changing all the time, I don't know how I can possibly do what he wants when I don't know what he wants. Hope that made sense. I fail a call for taking too long to find an email or I fail a call that he can't remember why and tell me what I did. Try challenging that and get no where. 

I just want to leave, but I can't see that happening anytime soon I really need a week off to recover from being so tired but I am scared of asking for leave without pay. 

I have no boyfriend - and before you roll your eyes, I have never had one, so for something different it would be nice to know what it is like and have someone to share experiences with. I have no single friends and almost no one at work is single so at times I feel left out when they talk about things like their kids etc.