Oct 27, 2009 at 09:52 o\clock

Still thinking about him


Well, I am still thinking about the boy from my last post. I deleted him off facebook to try help me move on. I am really hurt. I really thought maybe he liked me. Guys don't think I reciprocated any interest though so I guess it is understandable he gave up if I wasn't being overly interested. I was hesitant because I was surprised and I didn't want to put myself on the line and have him do exactly what he has just done (ignore me). If I had gone hell yes come visit next month when he had emailed that and he didn't reply I would have been even more gutted. But this is hurtful too cos I feel led on. 

I have a date on Thursday which I am nervous about....have no idea what to talk about and it is the first date date I have had since I was 19.  I think Iam a little to hung up on the other guy to really be thinking about someone else, maybe the distraction will be a good thing though. Hard though when all I wanted was to see someone else when I went back home this weekend and he ignored me. I didn't email him directly though...maybe I should have. But he still should have replied to the group thing and if he gave a shit he would have. 

I am embarrassed because I probably made it very obvious to him as well by deleting him from facebook. Also embarrassed that people said yes they would come and just didn't fucking come. Rude considering all the trouble I went to with the food. 

Oct 8, 2009 at 12:42 o\clock

Why are boys so confusing.


So I know it's been a while since I wrote....but anyways, just got something I need to vent and flesh out so I can move on I guess.

Before I moved states I liked a guy at work. I had liked him for ages, but never really thought he was interested in me. It was a call centre and my role was off the phones, so we didn't sit near each other and really have much chances to talk. But if we were over at the kitchen area we would chat and he had lunch with me and a friend once, we have been to a couple of work functions including a friends birthday.

Anyways, we weren't really close or anything and I decided to move. A couple of months before I move I train him in checking account closures and we flirt a little, but nothing really serious. Nothing happens after this and we don't actually speak much. 

I have decided to move states and this gets announced two weeks before the friends birthday. He emails me to wish me all the best. At the birthday his boss happens to off handedly mention that the guy changed his day off for my last day at work...I am not sure if this is true.  At the party the guy tells me he doesn't want me to leave and we talk for a bit. At the time I found the comment a little odd since we hadn't talked much before the party. 

On my last day we don't talk, which I was really hurt by. He had however been sick all week and still wasn't well that day either, but still I was upset.  Anyways, I delete him off face book but end up adding him back on there and writing a message indicating I was upset he didn't say goodbye.  I didn't expect a reply back but I got a message to my inbox from him telling me he went home sick, that we would see each other again because these things are just temporary absences and he also said he wanted to come to the city I have moved to. He also said he didn't get to write his usual long message in my card cos he was rushed???? In my card he even said he was very sad I was leaving

I got so excited about this all i could think about was how nice it would be to be able to show him around the city etc. 

I went back to my hometown a couple of months after moving and organised a group dinner which he came to. At the dinner I was really happy he was there. I didn't feel like we were flirting during the dinner - it just felt normal, but when the dinner was over and people were leaving I gave him a kiss on the cheek goodbye. He had his arm around my lower back/hips which I was surprised by because I expected him to just back away and head off. But he held eye contact and said to keep in contact and that we should do a dinner again next time I come down. 

I got my hopes up so I wrote to him when I got back to my new city and said it was good to see everyone and thanked him for coming.  He replied back saying he admired my courage for going. 

I am  going back home at the end of the month and so I am organising a BBQ. I invited him in the hope he would come. I sent an email to people a month early so they could keep the date free. He did not reply to say yes or no. I sent a reminder again this week, still three weeks early and he again has not replied. In my email I said to click a button if you weren't coming and didn't want to keep getting reminders.....I made a mistake with the button when I set it up. But I am still sure people will get the point that I want to know either way if they are coming and basically tell me NO if they aren't coming so I stop emailing them reminders. He again has not replied. I am surprised by this because he normally is quite keen to go to social stuff and he ws the first to reply to my dinner invite. Now this time no response at all. I don't know if that means he is considering it or if he is just simply too rude to have the courtesy to tell me he isn't coming. 

I probably just got my hopes up, but I can't believe he wouldn't have the decency after his little performance of 'keep in contact and dinner next time" stuff from last time. I am gutted he hasn't even bothered to reply either way. I don't understand it. 

I actually started to get my hopes up he liked me and didn't think I was imagining it. And now he is just ignoring me.